A Pumpkin on the Pier

Here’s an example of how not to promote your own photo, without praise or prejudice, or even pride & prejudice:

Let me introduce you to Percy the Pumpkin…

 

Our mean looking friend Percy here has got his own temporary mooring on our pier for a few days sat atop of a green box. He’s very welcome but gives you quite a fright when you’re staggering back from the pub in the dark.

No adjustment of colour, balance, contrast ratio, exposure, noise reduction, retouch or straightening required. Yet, as the moon rises, so does the luminous effect in this photo. Weird.

Fruity Pumpkin Power…?

A soggy frog situation

Well there we were this aft, with the engine running, ropes untied, short back & sides up, a full bog tank awaiting extraction. Factor in that it was peeing down, & 1.30pm was not a pretty scenario.

[Oh & don’t forget the new ruling that dumpouts here are to be carried out on an “appointment only basis.”]

But all of a sudden, a Chocolate Frog appeared out of nowhere & floated past us…

In reality that’s nb “Chocolate Frog” (great name) with the friendly crew of Mike & Cassie aboard. They trundled in from the canal & headed straight for the dumpout palace, just as we were about to set off.

[There ya go guys, you’ve just joined TT on the fame, fortune & notorious list at last].

I mean a Chocolate Frog wasn’t to know that a spectacular failure of an appointment system has been introduced on the marina. And as Dave delicately put it we were:

“Leap-frogged by a Chocolate Frog”

Mike came round to apologise (no need at all), however he was notified at the time that this particular incident would be recorded for posterity on the blog. But only to highlight the fact that the “system” doesn’t work.

We once had to wait 2 hours while strangers came in off the canal (2 boats) & then set out a rather bizarre “party at the dumpout station,” along with deck chairs and all the trimmings lasting 2 hours…! Blimey we had to cross our legs & patiently wait, so while they enjoyed a mega-burgerfest, we sat here silently fuming (excuse pun).

Hence this additional benefit that’s supposed to work in favour of moorers is ever so slightly flawed.

We were told early this year to “Book an appointment 24 hours in advance & anyone who comes in from the canal will have to wait.” But there’s no-one around with the time to “police” the system if that’s the right phrase.

So perhaps they need some GPS traffic lights. Or even one of those ramp thingy’s for cars, which rises up from the depths to prevent boats entering at the appointed time of someone else’s dumpout.

When we eventually set off to the dumpout palace later on. Dave had to negotiate his way round “Laff & Titter” & another widebeam. I kid ye not it was like the boating equivalent of an obstacle course…

Then & Now

Before any reminiscing, I’ve just eaten a piece of cheesecake the size of a brick, which has left me feeling a little bit sick. (It rhymes).

Darn it, I’d forgotten we’re going out for a meal tonight! Think I might be restricted to just a starter of garlic mushrooms, & leave it at that, (burp). Well it’ll save a bob or two, (burp).

Warning: Be aware that these photos might be traumatic to anyone with a delicate disposition regarding the weather: 

Then…

And now…

Then,, the view to the island from the front of our mooring…

And now…

Perhaps I should’ve called this post:

“How to depress someone in 2 easy steps.”

It only came about because I looked outside before & did the comparison thing, you know, the one that makes you think “if only…”

(Burp)

Aw, look what grandma went out & bought today

Wish we could just pop round with stuff, but alas Germany isn’t round the corner. So the next best thing is to wait till Liam has come back from Afghan. (Wish we could be there to greet him). And after he’s met his son for the first time. (Wish we could be there with him).

That’s a lot of wishes that won’t happen for us & have to be dealt with, it isn’t easy sometimes. They don’t do basic training for parents so you’ve just got to muddle through & learn by experience.

The good news is our soldier will be coming over to stay with us at the boat not long after he returns. So far I’ve got a bagful of stuff to give him, including a teddy bear for Ryan that’s been mine for years…

Oh I’ve got to go I’m getting all teary eyed.

I can almost picture his little babe wearing these…

Which just goes to prove that even though I’m daft as a brush, a mother’s love, & even a grandmother’s love is unconditional…

A truly epic canal boat story

This is about nb “Just Imagine.” After spending the first 18 months of life in a huge barn being fitted out with setbacks galore, JI finally met with water for the first time on the 21st October.

Our friends Michelle & Barry - the proud owners, drove the boat back from Lymm (where the christening took place), & arrived here late yesterday aft amidst doomy gloomy weather. Yet they were both sporting bright & sunny smiles, you know, the kind that say “this is surreal.”

They have a mooring in the marina opposite ours, so that’s 2 more recruits for quiz night then  

The original idea was that about 1.30pm they would moor up at a nice little spot nearby. We were going to walk round with a bottle of Champagne & some other goodies. But we abandoned that idea because it took them a bit longer to get here than planned, & the light was fading. I’d even bought some plastic wine glasses too, will have to get me money back on them.

So Dave went round & stood on the towpath bridge between the 2 marina’s…

 

Coming this way after lock 7, destination in sight, better late than never, but isn’t everything boaty…?

Starting the turn into the marina…

Going under the bridge…

Checking in…

At this point we thought it best to leave them to settle in (on?) to life afloat – besides they were both knackered.

So Dave came back & we drank a bottle of Champagne on their behalf, (hic) before quiz night, (hic) which wasn’t very clever really was it? Then again we rarely are (clever I mean).

A little ditty for Barry & Michelle

We wish you both well,

You’ve been thru a lot

To get where you’re at.

No need to imagine anymore, now it’s for real

It’s never easy achieving the ideal,

Be happy in your new life, & all the best

Now sit theeselves down & have a nice rest…

Congratulations!

PS: I got you a “Congratulations” card somewhere, but I’ve forgot where I put it - so you might get it sometime next year…

The fish that missed the bird that wasn’t interested anyway

Buzzard? Peregrine falcon? Whatever, yesterday afternoon this bird of prey gave us a highly skilled flying display. Tell you what, it knocked the spots off my one handed cartwheel, plus double pirouette with 3 point turn, {OUCH}

Here it is hovering above us amongst the thermals. Believe me I needed some thermals while taking these, that blue sky was very deceptive indeed… 

Later on Dave landed this big bugger, it’s a roach & he reckons it’s a “specimen canal fish.” (Well for the Rufford canal it is).

Because of it’s SIZE…

“Say hello to the falcon buzzard thing for me.”

An optical illusion?

Last night “Just before sunset” put a slightly weird perspective on some familiar views around us. So I checked the memory stick was in the cam (no comment) & took these stunners:

We’ve all seen trees reflecting off water, but clouds reflecting off trees is something new…

Then we were baffled to find a mountain resembling something from the Swiss Alps, had suddenly appeared from nowhere…

Looking left, there was a giant owl about to take off…

And this looked like an alien spaceship coming down to earth for a close encounter of the 33rd kind. I was most disappointed when it didn’t do the Blackpool lights thing & no aliens appeared.

Then again we could well have frightened them off…

“The mountain, The owl & The spaceship” had all disappeared this morning. Now that’s either the title of my next book, or I’ve got a vivid imagination. Or both…

Watermarks aren’t exclusive to pictures alone

Is this a fine example of curtains out of control or what…?

The fisherman sat outside in this photo is an optional extra that could’ve been removed, but wouldn’t budge…

And here they are, washed curtains flapping about all over the place…

Amazing, now I need a lie down…

It’s a wrap, previously unseen footage of our last time out on the cut this year

Well, on the boat anyway…

Further to our day out in early October with friends Dave#2 & Sue. Here’s some photos they sent us from what’s turned out to be our last trip out till next year.

TT Captain Dave…

Uh oh, tis me, & no it wasn’t red wine in me cranberry juice bottle…

My Dave, (avoiding the cam), then me & Sue. Look like we’re stood waiting for a bus…

Yep, there’s the wine, Sue & me tipsy on the towpath…

The rainbow that appeared behind us…

You know the old saying about how the sun shines on the righteous? Well rainbows arch around colourful people…

Too many tissues hanging about

Question of the day: How do you catch a cold from yourself? Well if anyone can do it, it’s me but I’ll be beggared how…

So in the same style as the toothpaste advert, when Sally Glow-White’s teeth went brown: “What did Silly Sally do?”

Well in this case Heth here’s caught a grotty cold, the cold went away after she’d allegedly passed it on to several people, (but insisted she hadn’t with sincerity). So it disappeared, then reappeared yesterday.

Meanwhile all other “patients” are skipping through the fields again & Dave escaped completely. Hence, I’ve spent all day in bed sweating profusely & hoping that’s a good thing. (I think it’s trying to morph into a chest infection. And yet again we’ve missed another fun night out, bummer…

So here’s a photo of a watery sunset I took the other day, because it matches the colour of my watery nose beautifully…

There is some good news at the end of the day, think I’m finally winning the battle of the gremlins…

I’ve broke me clasp!

Today my watch was trying to tell me something, & it had nothing to do with hours & minutes…

As I was dragging myself out of bed this morning, the dam thing flung itself underneath it totally unaided. So I found myself on hands & knees, in the dark, groping about till I located it.

Later on I was messing around in the bathroom when it jumped off my wrist again & landed down the pan. (For those who don’t read my blog enough that means the loo). A timepiece in the toilet? Sounds better than it looked believe me, so I muttered to the macerator “Munch on THAT if you can” – it remained silent…

Not to be defeated, my hand went in gingerly (without touching the sides) & said timepiece was rescued & thoroughly scrubbed. Meanwhile I was very relieved & so was the bog – translate that last bit how you like!

Which reminds me, that’s another contender for our “How To” series finale:

How To: Mangle your macerator using your timepiece. just press the relevant button, watch, listen & RUN…  

Even later on it dropped itself neatly in the bin along with the remains of my fried rice, by then I’d got to the “Why bother?” stage. I mean if it wants to die – let it. Even so (fool) I carried out yet another carefully prepared & potentially dangerous rescue op.

By this time I’d had enough, it chooses the worst places to deposit itself at random, which becomes somewhat tedious after a while. Sort of wears down your tolerance level if you get what I mean. So it’s been abandoned for now, till Dave gets his mini (rescue) screwdriver out.

Conclusion: If ever your clasp goes into “undo at random mode” remove your timepiece immediately & get ahead of the game. Chuck it under the bed, then drop it down the pan, then throw it in the bin. If it survives leave it on the side awaiting surgery by screwdriver,, sorted…

How to: Pop your own balloon good style

Well I went outside yesterday & took some awesome photos of 2 balloons (I mean proper ones with baskets & a flame thrower).

Later on, I saw an upside down cloud that would’ve looked great…

Alas, this morning when I had time to put them on my laptop ready for today’s blog, I noticed an empty space in the memory card slot. Oh clever Heather here had only forgot it was still in the laptop for the duration of the photo shoot, the camera lied that it was taking photos when it wasn’t, hence there’s none to post. It must be a conspiracy… Especially when the photos would’ve been so spectacular, the balloons looked like they were just skimming the trees, the sky was blue… And consequently the air was BLUE today when I realised what had happened. It’s just so dam typical…

So I’ve spent the aft going through all the settings trying to find internal memory on the camera, but it appears that newer cameras these days don’t require any.

One setting I did find was “Shoot without card” the default setting is ON, (how stupid). So there’s the explanation for no images when you think there will be. Needless to say it’s now been changed to OFF, the button won’t click at all (without the memory card). Oh if only I’d discovered that earlier. I mean it even says “NO MEMORY CARD” on the screen, but of course I wasn’t looking at that last night…

Imagination won’t do it so here’s the next best thing from September 2009 & one of those photos I took got on the local TV news…!

There, I feel a bit better now, at least I can say there’s a connection to a balloon in here somewhere that’s not gone pop – even if it is a replay…

I’ve just learned not to bother merging 2 boat names together

It just doesn’t work.

I noticed a boat called “Laff ‘n Titter” the other day. Hey, it’s my trademark…! Then it occurred to me there’s a common thread:

“Takey Tezey ‘n Laff ‘n Titter”

[have a glass of wine & sit down for a witter?]

Or:

“Laff ‘n Titter ‘n Takey Tezey”

[don’t drink too much & you won’t feel queasy]

Thing is, now it’s actually written down, it just reads plain daft & has completely lost any kerb verb appeal it may have started off with.   

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Change of subject to: NOISE…

There’s millions of geese been whizzing over here for the past few days, they don’t half make a racket when they fly past en masse. Thing is though, we’ve observed that they all seem to be headed in the wrong direction, must be a Lancashire thing…

SQUARK SQUARK…

A very mysterious morning

Woke up early this morning which in itself is a minor miracle, especially after going to the pub 2 nights in a row, but stranger things have happened.

Then I noticed another minor miracle going on around us, so I grabbed the camera quick…

You know how I like me sunsets? Well forget that, here’s a rather unusual sunrise. It’s also rather unusual that I was conscious at the time… 

WOW, think I might have to get up at the crack of dawn more often, then again perhaps not…

Barking Mad

Went out for a meal at the pub last night, I always say “the pub,” when it’s real name is The Hesketh Arms at Rufford. Highly recommended if you’re passing through – probably because the upper echelons of society go there a lot, & so do we…

For a while I was worried about “barking dog syndrome” because even though my cold has gone. The barking cough remains, & I didn’t want to be stared at, or by the same token put other folks off their food.

There had been a discussion about staying put at the boat with me eating Dave’s slippers instead. But that idea was bone thrown away quick smart.

So off we toddled with me wearing about 6 layers of clothes. Dave even asked me how many T-shirts I had on under me jumper (just out of interest like) but I’d lost count by then. Anyway, the meal was lovely, & may I recommend white wine to transform a grumpy throat, & indeed a grumpy person into a “whole person” again. Well, there’s still bits missing in the brain department but that’s as good as it gets.

Later on some friends of ours appeared from off our loony bin pier, so we were still there till the pub closed. It was obvious the staff wanted to get shut of us, but to be fair they were subtle about it:

Some walked round with anti-bac spray setting tables up. Whilst others leant on the bar with “hurry up & bugger off home will ya” written on their foreheads. Whilst at the same time expressing a strained smile.

How do people do that I wonder, I mean it’s a bit like saying “Thank you” if someone’s stood on your toe…

Alas I’ve run out of time & have to go, (phew I hear you say). It’s pub quiz night & I’ve got to go knit meself a new brain cell first, before the battery life on this one runs out.

PS: Just realised we started off at the pub yesterday & ended up at the pub today. How does that work…?

My 15 seconds of fame

What do they call it when you notice something, decide to remember it, promptly forget all about it, & sometime later notice the said something for a second time?

It can’t possibly be the déjà vu thing because I cancelled my subscription to that kind of thing many years ago. Around the time the school nobs started writing “Heather has the ability to do better” on my school report.

I just knew the same was going happen again the next year because I couldn’t be arsed following that particular recommendation. I mean I was having way too much fun to be bothered learning how to cook a trifle, read German, master algebra, algorithms, & recite English Tit Lit.

Hey I was always great at sport though, shame about the teacher, she was about 4ft 2, weighed about 25 stone, & wore a giant pair of shorts that didn’t do her any favours at all. They would’ve looked more appropriate as sails on the Cutty Sark.

The poor woman, her name was “Miss Woolly,” but we all used to call her “Miss Bully,” because that was how she compensated for being such a nit-picking individual with an attitude problem.

Many years later our daughter went to the same school as me, Miss Woolly was still there, since then she’d got married so her name had changed. But she still had the same personal issues, & by all accounts was still wearing the same pair of shorts, god bless her husband then – on many counts…

Anyway I’ve gone off on a tangent here because today’s post is all about being famous, or is that infamous?

Ah well whatever, I was flipping through October’s Waterways World this morning. Then I noticed it, top of Page 103. There was MY email in response to a feature in September’s WW (bear with), called “50 Unmisable Waterway Experiences.” They asked if anyone could think of any more so I wrote thus:

“I’d like to nominate number 51: Going through a lock backwards. Yes we’ve done that – with help from the bow thruster, but it was a really windy day.” Then underneath: HEATHER ROWSELL, Rufford. (See I got in there even before Andrew Denny appeared on the scene at WW to start his new job).

However, I’m not as happy with my editorial skills in the magazine as Andrew must be with his. I’m sure I could’ve written it better – in fact anyone could’ve written it better.

First of all there’s the “we’ve done that” announcement (oh, give us a medal). It implies that we can’t manage without a bow thruster, & then I’m apologising for it! The only part that’s worth the effort of reading it at all is “Going through a lock backwards,” (photos on the blog). Which, when you think about it could only have come backwards from me anyway.

On a less confusing note I was amused to see another suggestion from someone called “Heather Bird” on the same page. Nice name that, much better than “Heather Plant.”

There is however photogenic photographic proof that we did in fact do the back flip through a lock. Well Dave did while I stood & watched, (give me some credit it was gale force 10 conditions). Risking life & limb I nearly flew off the bridge a couple of times. So here’s the story in pictures:

Part one of being stuck in the middle, ass about face…

Part two of being stuck in the middle, ass about face with a 360 turn in a field…

They don’t call him “Captain” for nothing tha’ knows…

A Shower? And the last brush stop

I felt a bit better this morning. Thanks to the improvement in my dreaded lurgy status, the faint yet lingering smell of Vick, (even in my hair) was becoming overpoweringly obnoxious. I hadn’t noticed it till today so I must be getting better right…?

After going for 3 days without a shower, (being ill is a good excuse not to bother). So it was time to book an appointment inside the cubicle. I dived in there & after a good old scrub down. I wondered if several layers of Vick being washed down the gulper may indeed have affected several layers of fish. But if only those with a cold were drawn to the horrible odour then that’s ok.

Upon exiting the cubicle I then dived into my new jumper & in my haste put me finger through it. Only afterwards did I realise a jumper wasn’t necessary at all, because it’s 20 degrees here. So dreaded lurgy or not the boat was warm, & a T-shirt would suffice, so I’ve put two on just to be on the safe side.

Consequently I’m sat here in the lux con cooking like a turkey in 35 degrees. Although it’s a bit uncomfortable it’s a necessary evil because “all the badness is coming out” (excuse pun, just another little gem of a saying). But if that’s the case then I’ll still be sat here till Christmas, perhaps the basted turkey’s all part of it then?

There is an upside though, at least if I turn out to be a mobile human radiator on legs, there’ll be no need for winter woollens / thermals when I venture out. I might even be quite popular & could even win a bio friendly person of the year award. Just remember to keep the turkey on the menu, not me.

Meanwhile what’s Dave been doing today? Well, just a moment while I find a photo:

This was the sorry state of the bow locker door back in July…

It was like a blot on the landscape of the bow & has been one of those jobs that he’s kept “putting off” probably because it’s just too boring.

Or, after having refitted the bedroom & bathroom earlier this year, he needed a break (no, not a rib kind of break). But to be fair he’s got down to it recently. Well he’s had to because the bow locker door door to winter is now opening fast, & the job has to be done before the frost sets in…

This here is the third layer of undercoat after rubbing down in-between of course…

And later on he’s off out to do another layer, please can we start to turn it blue after that? Never mind, If he leaves it much longer & the ice starts to close in:

The human radiator ‘ere could always go outside & stand next to it I suppose…