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Tuesday, 3 April 2012

Landlubbers misconceptions

We were in the pub the other night & someone asked how we were going to manage for water while the hosepipe ban’s on…

Secret answer one keeps to oneself: “Well what we all have to do is fill up the day before the ban, & make it last. Beyond that we just use canal water & risk getting weils disease, aye it’s a hard life…”

The correct answer: The hosepipe is just a connection from tap to tank for a boat. It tells the water where to go & ferries it there, that’s all. The “staff of life” flows unheeded & no ban is imposed because it’s for human consumption, & by the time it comes out of the taps on the boat it’s FILTERED drinking water. The only thing we have to go without during a hosepipe ban is washing down the paintwork on the boat – big deal. Oh, & there’s no garden to worry about…

It reminds me of the time when I noticed a couple of gongoozlers looking through one of the windows while we were out on the cut, & then commenting to each other in naive astonishment, “Oh look it’s got a cooker!”

Secret reply to myself: “Well, it’s got central heating, a multi-fuel stove that means you’re peeling clothes off in winter, insulation, a fridge freezer, a big bed, wardrobes, a shower, 2 sinks, 2 flat screen TV’s, a washer / dryer, a microwave, & internet access for as many devices as you like. You know, just like everything in a house…”

Correct answer: All of the above…

I’ve also heard “Oh well they can’t live on them in winter can they?”

Secret reply: “Come on board luv, bet it’s warmer & cosier than you could ever imagine possible, best take your coat & jumper off first…”

Correct answer: Above…

The water shortage means we can’t cruise some areas of the inland waterways system, but erm, bricks & mortar doesn’t cruise anywhere…

And even (god forbid) if there’s a power cut – no candles required, we still have power…

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