In a recent interview councillor Johnson Fishpie (commonly known as dick) announced a new initiative to cut back online abuse towards food. With the endorsement from local MP Ivor Picklesandwich they decided that after making many employees redundant in recent months, it would be a good idea to create a new job…
Job Description: Duty Monitor for virtual food.
Job title: Virtual food inspector.
Qualification: Boring old fart with nothing better to do.
Offensive keywords included, for example: Soup, eggs, bacon, potatoes, chips, sausages, & vegetables, (yes even vegetables were red flagged).
So they targeted Martha Payne aged just 9, & tried to ban her from posting pictures of school dinners on her blog. Have these people got nothing better to do…? Good on her for forcing them into a U-Turn. Which is also becoming a common phrase these days when it comes from those who think they’re in power, yet haven’t got a clue what they’re talking about…
So after being “made redundant” The Virtual food inspector refused to discuss the matter & preferred to remain anon, however he did issue a statement to the press as follows:
“The meat & potatoes of this matter has nothing to do with me, I’m just a boring old fart with nothing better to do. Whichever bright spark came up with this idea needs to eat humble pie.”
In reality Mr Fishpie & Mr Picklesandwich each ended up with egg on their face…
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Taking things 10 steps further into cyberspace, based on the same principle but on a grander scale. Home Sec Theresa May has recently announced new plans to snoop on us all. [Do these people EVER learn?]
According to a leeked leaked document it will focus on the underlying causes of online food abuse. For example, any mention of virtual pans, pots, plates, crockery, teapots & cutlery – the latter being the worst offender because it involves the use of a knife…
Stage 2 will involve all virtual ovens & microwaves being banned, & we’ll all have to resort to building virtual campfires. Anyone who dares to disguise their virtual BBQ as a virtual campfire, & is traced doing so, will incur a fine of £1000 & confiscation of the word BBQ…
Texts the likes of “wot wud u like 4 tea tonite dear” will involve a full & thorough investigation by MI6 scouring through every txt ever made on that phone…
Personally I have nothing to hide so I couldn’t give a toss in that sense, hey what I prattle on about might give the “spooks” something to laugh about. (Yes, there’s a real world). But it’s the principle that counts. I mean why waste tax payers money on implementing something that already exists…?
A few minutes of time watching the Leveson inquiry tells us that these measures are already in place. Deleted emails & texts have been resurrected from the dead…
Me thinks this grand announcement in itself is all a bit dodgy, & it wouldn’t surprise me at all…
PS: Doug & James (nb Chance) have been here aboard TT all aft. It was lovely to “catch up” with them both. We first met up last year very briefly, on 17th August, the same day we were flying to Germany, & I should’ve been packing my suitcase at the time… Never mind I’m a lastminutedot.com person when it comes to that sort of thing…!
4 comments:
I couldn't agree more, regarding Martha Payne. I try really hard not to comment on boatie blogs (because I haven't got a boat, will probably never have a boat and if I did I would probably be a wuss in winter oh, and I still haven't come to grips with locks, so have to take my holidays on lock free canals i.e.: the Ashby;-)) - but I just had to comment on the Martha thing - first thing I did when I heard about it was find the site and have a read of it - brilliant writing for a 9 year old. Ax
Hi Anne,
I've heard the Ashby is lovely. You're very welcome to post a comment on here anytime chuck :-)
H
PS: I can say "chuck" now we're in the midlands lol
Thanks, The Ashby is beautiful - don't think you can get a wide beam in, but if you can it is worth visiting. Mind you, it is the only canal I have been on, apart from a couple of trips for charity on Indigo Dream, fabulous trips, and I am first off trying to get the locks right, but not the same as having your own boat. And still fearful of locks;-) Had it not been for meeting the owners of ID, I doubt I would have spent 3 hours freezing my rocks off waiting for the Narrow Boats to appear at Hammersmith Bridge on the day of the river Pageant........I'm glad I did though - it was magical.......A
Hi Anne,
Yes that must've been some experience & you didn't have to put up with the celebs taking over!
I think you're right, the Ashby is too narrow for us.
I don't do locks either! Well I mean taking the boat in, just do the hard work lol. Altho to be fair Dave's like spiderman on the roof & gets off to help when possible, ahh..
Are you going out this year?
Hx
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