Day Dreaming?

Having just arisen from the dead bed this morning, still bleary eyed & unable to focus properly, I sat outside in the lux con to eat me Bran Flakes. It’s quite pleasant today, the “rain rain’s gone away” (temporarily) & that big fireball thing in the sky is out & about. Which makes it 24 degrees in here, so breakfast “out the back” is the norm when the sun’s out. In fact living out the back is the norm when the sun’s out…

So imagine my surprise when I saw 2 swans on the roof of a boat…

At first I thought I was still asleep, still caught up in that dream where I was bringing a Boeing 747 in to land. (The captain was intoxicated, the co-pilot was smoking weed & one of the wheels had fallen off). After establishing I was actually awake, (pinch – OW), the camera was grabbed to obtain proof that after all of 5 minutes, sunstroke wasn’t to blame either…

“Nice place for a nest dear?” “Well I’d prefer a grassy bank.”

Aha!

Well that puts things in perspective then. Meanwhile, back aboard the 747, I wish I could remember what happened after the gearstick came off in my hand. I was confident enough to land the dam thing, would’ve been nice to see it happen…

And while we’re still in dreamland; from yesterday, whilst peeing down & blowing a gale:

DO NOT DISTURB…

Aw, Bless…

The art of blogging

I got into a conversation about blogging the other day, a friend is starting up her own blog & was asking for advice. So I was inspired to do this blog post about erm, blogging…

In the olden days we had diaries, usually personal, I can remember when I was about twelve years old, I was given a 5 year diary. Obviously it had a (distant) shelf life, as opposed to eternity. It also had a lock & key, instead of a password. At some point during those 5 years I lost the key, & my dad had to break into it for me – cracking a forgotten password? Shiny photos were stuck in photo albums, & simple word of mouth was the equivalent of hyperlinks…

Things have moved on a bit since then, in these days of social media public blogs are everywhere, covering every kind of subject on (or off) the earth. People are more open with their thoughts / ideas & “sharing” is what it’s all about. However, with the sheer number of blogs available, the same content can end up being the subject of many. For example: Current Affairs, thousands of blogs cover the news, each one has their own name, but only a handful stand out…

So after almost 5 years of blogging, here’s my 20 top tips:

1. Make sure your blog has a name or subject heading that’s relevant to the theme or topic it represents. (That’s the easy bit).
2. Keep content relevant, & write blog posts using different genres. (Funny, sad & everything in between), but don’t mix them together in one post. This gives the author many different voices on any given day.
3. Don’t struggle if continuity isn’t happening! Generate content of a blog post in sections if necessary, then stitch them all together neatly so they “flow” before hitting “Publish.”
4. Create first, edit second, publish third.
5. Encapsulate different kinds of sub-content within your theme.
6. Avoid regimentation in every blog post, eg: Posting about daily routine, got up, had breakfast, went shopping etc.
7. The odd rant or 2 is ok, just don’t aim it at your audience in a personal way.
8. Voicing your own opinion if someone does do (number 7) is best dealt with using rational straight talk, rather than “attack mode.”
9. Stuck for inspiration? Don’t try too hard – visualise rather than wade through words. A vivid imagination is a wonderful thing!
10. Photo’s can work magic, but for boaters out on the cut, make sure the roof of your boat doesn’t dominate the whole picture! Been there, done that.
11. If somebody else has beaten you to it & written about something you wanted to, then write your own version anyway.
12. Don’t copy another blog’s content unless there’s something more to contribute, use quotes with ref to the author & raise your own point of view.
13. Link to something you like & state why.
14. Link to something you don’t like & say why.
15. Always keep a notepad handy to jot things down as ideas come to you, they’ll get forgotten if you don’t!
16. Writer’s block? Walk away from your computer & do something else, a bright idea will surface when you’re not even trying.
17. Don’t waffle, less is more.
18. Encompass all aspects of your blog’s theme, don’t just concentrate on one. Focus on “wide angle subject matter” as I call it.
19. Bring together interesting & unique content.
20. Descriptive content (whatever the subject) is the KEY to a good blog post.

I’d like to think my own blog reads as an eclectic, satirical, humorous mix of all things boaty. With the odd but interesting exception, such as this post. However, because of this blog’s diversity, if I had to start again, I’d categorise each post with labels, eg:

• Just plain daft  
• Cruising out on the cut
• Topical Waterways issues?
• Waterways wildlife / views 
• Even more Just plain daft stuff

Too late now though…!

Noughts & Thoughts

I’ve been working on a friend’s laptop all aft, so todays blog post consists of:

0101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101

Can you compute that? I can’t either…

But there is visually inspiring content here to make up for it…

This little coot stands on the back button thingy of this boat, & this boat only…

Every day for about half an hour preening himself…

I reckon with all that rummaging around he’s got nits, I mean there’s not half an hours worth to go at really is there…?

Coming up tomorrow: Something to do with blogging, which should’ve had something to do with today. But didn’t because I got into the something’s of software…

Diamonds are forever eh?

It was on the news today, Barclay’s Bank’s chief executive Bob Diamond earned a mere £6.3 million in 2011…

Around a third of that was his bonus of a measly £2.7 million, well that makes it all ok then eh…?

Read it & weep…!

What’s more BB made losses last year…

Makes Robbing Evans & co look like they’ve earned a tip from a waiter…

Clever birds & Mrs Doubtfire

…First of all, clever birds, (just to clarify for the blokes out there) I mean of the feathered variety. Something we’ve noticed since we got here at Mercia is the intelligence levels of our little friends who share the water. Perhaps things have evolved a bit more, the further south we go. (Never thought I’d hear myself say that), but I just have…

For example, we have the mute swan who stops by for a natter every day, it appears to have learned how to “grunt” to get our attention. You know how you can hear the whistle of their sinuses as they take off into the sunset? Well round here they sorta do a cough sound just to let you know they’re there – waiting, (alright so it sounds more like a pig), but you can’t say that about a swan, it just doesn’t do it justice somehow…

However, this one does definitely sound like a piglet…

Imagine the scenario: You’re sat outside in the lux con relaxing with a bottle of vino, & all of a sudden you hear “oink” about 20 times. It then turns into a serious issue between us as to who says “Oh your best friends here” first. Because if he’s someone else’s best friend, then one doesn’t have to feed him, ie; if one is quick enough, it’s Dave’s turn to do the honours…

Then the other big small bird deal here is the coots, these clever little beggars dive down under the water for what seems like ages, & emerge with a gob full of green stuff about 30 yards from where they set off. This is another new phenomenon to us. I mean when we were up in the backwaters of the canal system, it obviously never occurred to northern coots that holding your breath & taking a dive yields much better results… I haven’t got round to capturing this event on film yet, they’re too darn quick, but I will one day…

And on a different note altogether I was flipping through channels last night (while Dave was watching footy in the boudoir), & stumbled across the film “Mrs Doubtfire” starring Robin Williams. Let me explain further, a person who’s just done an hour’s gruelling workout & isn’t usually interested in flipping TV channels – does, if given the opportunity…

Anyway it made me go all sentimental when it ended & I noticed the year it was made stated 1993, what??? It was only 2 minutes ago the kids were babes in arms, (well, either side of 10 between them) & we bought the video. Remember VCR’s? They must’ve watched it so many times the tape wore out. Surprisingly Transformers & Ghost Busters didn’t come anywhere near that film when it boiled down to ratings…

AND, when we were putting Liam’s stuff in storage after he’d joined the Army – there it was in a box full of rubbish important stuff under his bed, (long after all VCR’s in the world had been sent for recycling). Phone call from me regarding a list of about 100 things to keep or chuck: “Do you want me to bin Mrs Doubtfire or save her luv?” “Oh bin it mum.” So she saves it…

Which reminds me, Dave got a “missed call” on his phone this morning & after dialling 121 it turned out to be Ryan (that’s Liam’s son). He must’ve hit us on speed dial while playing on the “grown up” phone saying “Daddy? Daddy?”. Then we heard mum in the background saying what mum’s say…

So of course for him it meant that at the grand old age of 18 months, he was fully aware of the fact that when the phone you’re making an important call on isn’t a toy, it’s much more interesting than the real toys. They just don’t make toy mobile phones like they used to these days… [Must test this theory out as often as possible when she’s not looking] Aww & Blessss….  

Firing on all cylinders?

For some unexplained reason we haven’t ever given the engine a FULL service till today. Well it’s never missed a beat & always been nice & quiet so… A nice little man from Isuzu popped round this aft & did the honours…

I was sat inside doing the ear-wigging thing (like you do) for just in case you hear something you don’t want to, like eg; “Well it needs a new {whatever} & this bit here’s knackered.”

Isuzu 55 engine while running, & no that’s not rust in the bottom. It’s from a diesel experiment Dave once did whilst putting the BBQ away, he knocked a tap thing open. So we’ve now got an orange stain “down under” (in places) even though it was all mopped up…

   

Anyway, all was ok, (phew), just an oil change & an inline fuel filter needed replacing, drain & refill gearbox & new air filter. Check cooling system & we’re good for minus 32 degrees. (Not really questionable but could be with our winters), now there’s a thing to consider – or not…

News of the day: There’s a widebeam being craned in as we speak which is an exact replica of TT. Paint job, width, length, doors at the front – the whole kaboosh. We only noticed because there was a rain check rain break. But it’s been peeing down since then so no photo. Blimey, what if it’s coming on this pier? It would be most confusing…

PS: With regards to Daffi, long story, but I walked away with dignity, & blocked him from my online presence. Including as a follower on here. (Although for some strange reason it’s took someone else with it but won’t tell me who!) So I apologise to all my friends for having to put up with a spat that made me ill, & appreciate the amount of support shown. It kept me immune. No more said… Except, I’m firing on all cylinders in synchronised harmony again…

Just for Nev

And anyone else of course…

On the same day as the London Marathon, we did the “Mercia Marina Marathon” round to the pumpout palace…

I can say that because it’s a long way, & we go at about 4 mph, so there’s something in common there even if it isn’t very specific…

Anyway we went past Nev’s Waterlilly, sat there waiting for her bits & pieces to be sorted…

Waterlilly – not such a good photo because the boat on the right was obstructing the view, how dare it…

 

The marina entrance which TT gets close to at dumpout time, but hasn’t been out of yet. Well not since she was “dumped” in here in December…

This guy has…

Nb Adagio & Nb Sanity Again are on there somewhere, squished in on the 70ft moorings of which there aren’t many, so that’s why…

Then there’s these guys, don’t you just love those little black & white ducky’s…?

Right that’s it, I’m off to pace my own marathon, it’s called workout with Davina & do the soddin’ washin’ up…

A trip to Stoke – by car

One of our sons & his girlfriend are staying at a hotel in Stoke for a couple of days, so we met up with them yesterday. Only 30 miles away, & I swear it would’ve been quicker by boat. We got stuck in traffic most of the way & I’m not a snobby cow, (honest) but the centre of Stoke is in desperate need of a revamp – what a congested dump…

Anyway, after we finally arrived at their (very nice) hotel, they were only doing bar snacks, so we decided to look for somewhere else. Sat Nav at the ready, Dave clicked on “Restaurants” so we tootled off to the nearest one & got lucky, wow, it was like a flippin palace…!

Chelsea & Neil checking out the menu – he’d just clocked that I’d got my phone out, cheesy grin… 

After we’d ordered our food we were whisked away to one of their MASSIVE dining rooms which was all set up for 90 people arriving later on. The meal was really nice, best steak I’ve had in ages. But we were sort of hurried back to the bar (I hadn’t finished my potatoes). Well they couldn’t have us 4 plebs sat there when everyone started arriving could they? Good job none of us wanted dessert then…

Later on we went to their hotel for a drinky poos in the bar, Dave had to make do with diet coke (of course) being as he had to drive us back. Aww…

What a great night though, they’ve gone to Alton Towers today – hope the weather’s held up. It’s patchy clouds & a bit of sun here, so they should be ok…

UP, DOWN & SCREAMMMMMMM…

Ahem, got a double hangover today. The night before (Thursday) our Kiwi neighbours Sarah & Chris came round with a bottle of home made Sloe Gin. They’d picked it up from somewhere along their travels – oh my…

Change of plan

Well the original plan yesterday was to meet up with Jon & Jan (Halfie) out on the towpath with their new boat “Jubilee.” Then as we were setting off Jon rang up, & Dave suggested they come in the marina & moor up next door to us in the empty (evacuated) space… So they did, it was good to see them again & Jubilee is a lovely boat…

Got some great photos of them arriving…

 

Backing into the next pier to TT…

Moored up next door to us – good job Jon could remember where we are on the marina…!

And then after a couple of hours catching up, off they went, they still had a 2 hour sail to do starting at 5pm…

Byeee, take care…!

We’re chuffed to bits for them that after all the time spent searching, they’ve at last achieved the dream of owning their own boat…!

Note for Nev: I hear Waterlilly is on here somewhere…?

DIS & DAT

Well do you like them then? The latest addition(s) to the lux con…

Admittedly they’re not real, & they’re a discontinued line so I got the last ones, & they weren’t even defects, he he…

Now DIS in front of a word usually means “gone.” So I got to thinking about some of the things in my lifetime that have been & gone – there’s a connection there somewhere, (but don’t ask me what), so here’s a few of them:

• Steam trains
• PG Tips adverts with monkeys
• Golliwogs
• Cameras that used film
• Bell bottom trousers
• Hot pants
• Midi skirts (for the guys – that’s lengthwise mid way between knee & ankle) in the erm, middle
• Ponchos
• Speedo swimming trunks
• Flower Power
• Burning bras
• Shoulder pads
• Girdles (for mid-riffs) nowadays they just let it all hang out
• Playgrounds for kids without wood chips
• Video recorders
• Record players
• Cassette players
• Twin tub washing machines, [with separate spinner that whirled around the kitchen & made the floor shake]
• A clothes rack on the kitchen ceiling
• Big flowery carpets & big flowery curtains (that didn’t match but it was ok)
• Three wheel vans
• The hostess trolley
• BMX bikes
• Standard lamps with big hats on
• Hats with netting on for all the moths to play in
• Black & white TV
• Rag & Bone horse & cart with a Steptoe sat on top
• There’s another one! TV programmes that used to be, but aren’t any more, blimey we’d be here all night
• Pounds, shillings & pence

To name but a few, or perhaps a lot, eee brings back memories…

Of course there are always exceptions to the rule when it comes to words.  For example:

You couldn’t hold a DISCUSSION without the DIS bit first, else there’d be nothing to say

And you couldn't have a DISPLAY of any kind without the DIS bit, else there’d be nothing to play

Well that’s it for toDAY, we’re setting off down the towpath to meet up with Jon & Jan, (Halfie) & their new boat Jubilee, & Nev off Waterlilly --- for a DISCUSSION – probably…

The right to reply to a rant or 2

I’m a bit surprised at  Sue off No Problem for quoting the last part of *** Maffi’s rant on her blog. Especially when she changes the word “Pricks” to “Pr*cks” because her grandchildren read it. Believe me, they’ll know what “Pr*cks” means…

***Note: Since I wrote this post Maffi has locked down his blog, so the link to his rant above no longer works for any of us. However, I have nothing to hide on here on my blog… 

BTW Sue with ref to your “blonde moment” well, I’m a blonde, not a genius, but I’m no thicko “DOH” person either. And I’d much rather be blonde than grey! So am I having a grey moment? No…

FYI Bruce & Sheila on “Sanity Again” have booked a winter mooring here at Mercia marina, & last I knew, (when we spoke to them personally aboard their boat), they were considering making this marina their “base.” So after reading & approving Maffi’s rant, ask yourself does that make them 50% “infantile little pricks?” Or half “infantile little pricks?” Or just “fully fledged pricks… ?”

First of all I must say that marina based moorers have always felt this “CCer’s paying more” issue (thank goodness) has nothing to do with us, & have stayed out of it. So forgive me if we’re wrong in thinking that these quotes from Maffi’s blog post “rant” mainly refer to marina based boaters. They do, & we have the right to reply…

Maffi states, Quote: “I get nothing more for my £748 than any one else. You might argue that I get to moor up for free. Well it may have escaped your notice, but when you come out of your nice secure little parking lot with all the facilities, you too moor for free. Yes I know you pay to moor in the marina but you don’t pay to moor outside the marina so why should I.”

We don’t moor up for free out of the marina, that’s what we pay a licence fee for. And neither do we overstay. In the marina we pay mooring fees & have some very nice facilities, reflected in the price. (And rightly so). We have plenty of friends, it’s a social atmosphere, & we tootle off out whenever we want. You only sound resentful.

And Quote: “”You do not buy a boat thinking, “When I have my boat I wont be able to CC so I will make it hard for those that can”. You accept what it will cost you and enjoy your boat. If you don’t want to do that then go away and get a camper van, you are not wanted on the water.””

Wrong, it’s not a case of “I WON’T BE ABLE to CC,” at all, it’s a case of “I DON’T WANT TO CC” for every marina based boater. Personally speaking, we’re both retired too, & have no responsibilities now the kids have flown the nest. So why on earth would we want to make it harder for the CCer’s? It’s not the lifestyle we want at all, to us it must be very isolating & a very hard life, but we have respect for those that choose to do so. Who are you to sit in judgement & tell us to buy a camper van?

And Quote: “Why do all you whinging little shits who buy a boat, you cannot get good use out of, feel it is necessary for me to pay for your stupidity.”

We are not all whinging little shits, it is not “stupid” to buy a boat & not be out on the canal all the time. And you are not paying for that, BW are trying to screw you, not the marina based boaters.

And Quote: “Whereas most of you have a house and your boat is a hobby, my boat is my home. If you cant afford to keep your boat on the water its really no big deal, you can sell it and still have a home. If I cannot afford to keep my boat on the water it is a big deal because it is all I have got. I can sell it but at what loss? Then what? As a single, white, male with a small military pension I qualify for BUGGER ALL. Whilst £500 a month is not to be sneezed at I would have to live in a hostel. Thank you for your support, you snivelling little whinger!”

“Whereas most of you have a house and your boat is a hobby,” [PLURAL]

Well our boat is our home too, we also qualify for “BUGGER ALL,” so what? We don’t feel the need to moan about it, we’re happy about our life afloat. So we’re not all snivelling little whingers. Your finances have nothing to do with marina based boaters. But yes, we do have hobbies, dear me what a sin.

And Quote: “The simplicity of it is you are all jealous that some of us can have a fulltime life on the canal. You, are like spoilt little kids who, want someone else’s toys to play with. You are gonna scream until you get your way, you infantile little pricks. I have paid my dues, when you have paid yours you can have a life like mine. You will of course have to accept the bad bits, the muddy towpath, the lack of security, the spasms in your fingers from handling wet ropes nearly every day, the cramps in your legs that would fell a Marine, the spine that is only pain free in one position and you don’t know where that is. Until such time shut up.”

We’re all jealous about a full time life out on the canal? Give us a break, why do you think people CHOOSE to be BASED in a marina? And where do toys come into this issue? Nobody’s screaming, & we’re not all infantile little pricks, we’ve got better things to think about than hounding CCer’s or anyone off the canal. We pay our dues & wouldn’t want a life like yours even if it were free! You’ve listed some of the many reasons why not to put yourself in that position in your own sentence! And in your own words: “Until such time shut up”  (?) Well who’s doing all the ranting here? Blaming marina based boaters or anyone else when it’s all about BW is simply ludicrous.

And Quote: “”What you Muppets should be saying is ‘I only come out of the marina for two weeks of the year so I want a discount’. Or you could argue that boats in marinas should only pay a licence fee when they come out on to the system. Don’t fuck the CCer up because you made a bad-purchasing decision. I made a good purchasing decision I get the maximum benefit out of my licence, as do many others, the same benefit as you are entitled to if you were not a numpty. What you really mean is you have a job and a family and cannot make best use of your boat? I had a job and a family! I waited until they had all flown the coup before I bought my boat.” “

The majority of “Muppets” go out for much longer than 2 weeks per year, & we don’t begrudge the principle of paying a licence fee wherever we are on the system. We also don’t begrudge the fact that (some of) those poor souls who stay out there 24/7 think they own the system, we laugh & joke about it. Neither did we make a bad purchasing decision, we made the decision that was right for us. Like I said we’ve got more important things to do in life than “fuck CCer’s up.” You’ve made your own decisions, (& aside from the issue of fees) it appears that you’re very unhappy with those decisions. You talk like you feel trapped. That’s not our problem it’s yours, so bite BW’s bullet & stop looking for other people to blame. Families with jobs are just as entitled to buy a boat & put it where they like as you are.

And Quote: “Leave us alone. You don’t want to piss us off coz if you Muppets get your way and we pay to moor, we are going to moor . . . . wherever we please . . . . in all the prime spots. You of course will complain, but will only have yourselves to blame.”

Do you have any idea how childish that sounds? Us “Muppets” in marinas haven’t touched you, so moor where you want to, we don’t particularly care! We bear no grudges or blame. Like you seem to.

And Quote: “The rank and file boater will not benefit from CCer’s paying any exrtra. Your licence fee will still increase by more than inflation year on year. It makes no sense to take this to it conclusion. When you are sixty plus and the bottom has fallen out of your pension pot and you cannot afford to live on your boat you are gonna be one sick puppy and I will be laughing at you from heaven or pissing on you from hell.”

You’re right about one thing, the rank & file boater will not benefit from CCer’s paying extra, BW would. So why lay the blame at someone else’s door? This really is all about BW not us. Oh & pissing in hell might put out your fire.

And finally Quote: “Give it up its a no win situation”  Yes it is, & please do, for the sake of your blood pressure if nothing else. With this post you’ve done nothing but give continuous cruisers a bad name. Do you honestly think the powers that be would listen to any marina based “whinging pricks” anyway? Boaters haven’t been listened to for years – even as a group, and you know it… 

And relax . . . . . .

Luv & kisses, Heth xxx

The David Bellamy gold award for conservation

I forgot to tell you that this marina won the David Bellamy gold award for conservation last year – so I just have done. Must be quite a mouthful for Mr Bellamy to say that, so cwedit where it’s due.

Here’s the write up for the marina itself & it’s well deserved, the landscaping here is amazing. Surrounded by millions of different trees on the perimeter, some of the plants are deliberately chosen to attract rare species of birds & butterflies. And there’s a marina nature reserve too. In fact there’s a whole team of people who keep up the good work. Sounds like I’m doing a pwomo.

So, after wummaging awound in the undergwofe Mr Bellamy must’ve been well impressed. Might be big on boats round here, but it’s big on wildlife too, there must be 10 times more foliage than there is boats.

Thanks to the Woodland Trust, a Jubilee Wood at Mercia is also going to sprout up this year to celebrate the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee, & the marina has been given:

105 saplings on the wildlife theme - blackthorn, hawthorn, hazel, silver birch, rowan and common oak. And a Royal Oak Sapling, grown from seeds gathered from Royal Estates. Posh eh? Last month we were asked for suggestions as to where the Royal Oak should be planted – blimey is there room?

The Woodland Trust is encouraging people across the UK to plant 6 million trees & they are given away as free community tree packs.

The Woodland Trust itself is also planting a “Diamond wood” across 460 acres of the National Forest. Thought I’d mention that seeing as it’s just around the corner from here.

A sewiouswy interwesting bwog post this, no seriously it is…

Word of the day: Empty

We went to “The Wheel” pub in Findern last night – that’s “the village next door” as it were. Just about a mile away from here, but they must’ve known we were coming because it was devoid of humans. Well to be fair there were 7 people there when we arrived, including our good selves & the barmaid. Then after a while the population dropped to 6 when one guy got so bored propping the bar up he went home. I mean you know it’s bad when the only barmaid nips out for ciggy round the back without locking the bar down first. Saturday night too…!

We’ve been there before for a meal, it was very nice but again the place was almost empty & we both felt a bit paranoid seeing as we were the only couple eating food…

Some friends have told us they have bands on there sometimes & it gets packed out, well it would do being as its a tad on the small side in terms of square footage. So one has to ask oneself where the band would fit in. I mean get a few musical instruments in there & a pair of speakers, everyone would have to stand outside…

I’m sure it would be much more user friendly if they hadn’t split the place in 2 ie;

Small lounge room – BAR – Tap room with pool table thus:

--------------- l   l -------------

A much better idea would be to merge it all together as one, & stick the bar at one end creating loads of room, thus:

-------------------------------- l   l

Anyway, we made the most of a quiet serene atmosphere where you can hear yourself speak. There is that I suppose, along with no queuing at the bar… The only problem with NO noise is modulating one’s voice box, so as the couple further along can’t hear what you’re talking about. Especially the bit when we were trying to work out if the 2 women sat together were sisters…  

Then there’s today, I WAS going to take some great photos earlier, but the camera battery’s empty flat, dead as a doornail. Marvellous…

And back to the here & now, we’re both sat in the lux con, laptops on knees. While I’m writing this Dave’s looking up a hotel online, where we’re going to meet up with family next Friday.

Me: What town is it?

Dave: 25 past 2… 

The CART & the WHEEL

So now we all know that the wheels have come off the new CRUST Trust, & the Crustees cannot be trusted. I’ve come up with a wonderfully useless idea…

We could create a spin off (?) Branch, called The Boaters Branch (?) Community, acronym  – The BBC… (Something they never thought of with CART / CRUST), BBC comes up high in a Google search, so there’s no need to pay out for media advertising…

Now then, we’ve got the name & the word out so what next…?

Well, there’s also no need for the cost of an election process because we’re all members. And we meet up regularly online from all over the system to discuss deep subjects. For now, the main one being how to get the power back to the boaters from IWA. Unfortunately I haven’t got any policies or fancy names that mean nothing something yet, because I haven’t had time to ponder on it…

But as far as the transition process goes, (Step 1) we all stop paying the licence fee to them, appoint a treasurer such as Mike the Meerkat and hope for the best. We’d probably have to but never mind… Either way, I’m certain we’d have more money in the pot to spend on what’s important to the canal system & us boaters…

Well I must go, we’re going out tonight & I’ve got to put another layer of nail varnish on – the first one’s settled very nicely all over this keyboard. And rather ironically the pub we’re going to is called “The Wheel” – really…!     

Transforming the towpath for all the wrong reasons

First of all there’s a towpath extension going on in Leeds, (no Viagra involved), well I don’t think there is, unless it helps the tarmac grow…

A section of towpath near Leeds is being “extended” 2 kilometres so shoppers & cyclists can ride to the city centre. Apparently it’s all part of a £2.2 million “walker & cyclists friendly measure for Yorkshire.” (How very nice indeed). Forgive me for sounding silly, but what’s happened to the canal that’s supposed to be erm, next to this towpath? And if there isn’t one then there should be, with boats & boaters on it. (You know, the forgotten souls who pay for the upkeep of the waterways). Fortunately BW has nothing to do with the cost, or so we’re told, which probably means there’s something in it for them, like they sold the towpath off…

All this is someone’s bold stupid move to ease traffic congestion. There’s no specifics given, so I gather they mean road traffic…

Has nobody told them in Yorkshire that BW already tried it & it doesn’t work? They tarmacked a section of towpath for “commuters” & now they’re having to install speed bumps in an effort to curtail towpath rage & accidents! Never mind congestion on the roads, turn towpaths into cycle tracks, & next on the list there’s a need for “traffic calming.” At god knows what cost to the tax payer…

Whoever’s paying for what, will they ever learn that turning towpaths into something they’re not is a no-brainer? Guess that’s a big FAT no…!

BW couldn’t even afford to raise the towpath up a bit on the Rufford where there was a breach – all of 6 foot long…

And then there’s the 2012 London preparations for the Olympics: BW are forking out £435.000, yes, nearly half a million quid to do up a road bridge in the Docklands area. Why? Because it’s one of the first things water borne visitors will see if they arrive via the Thames, & Londoners want it to look all shiny & new instead of an eyesore…

So why does BW have to contribute to Buffoon Boris’s wishes? If BW had said NO to contributing funds, & the Londoners are so bothered about it looking pristine. Then all BW had to do was give them permission to carry out the work, & let one of the London Boroughs pay out for it. End of…

Just think how many crumbling bridges there are north of Watford Gap that money could’ve been put to good use on…

Anyway, I must go, I’ve got a water borne washing up session to get on with. Which includes transforming the kitchen from an eyesore to pristine condition, by creating a flotilla of plates & stacking them neatly in the shape of a bridge…

Charities & tax relief caps

In his infinite wisdom George Osborne has capped tax relief to the wealthy. At first glance that sounds like a good, nay brilliant idea to us plebs. But it turns out he’s hitting the very people who donate the biggest funds to charities such as Oxfam, Hospices & Save the Children. It’s outrageous that these charities should lose out because of a tax loophole for the rich. To be fair, those who donate give far more to charity than they save in tax. So by penalising those people, these important charities that save lives & improve quality of life will suffer 10 fold… Which turns this policy into an absolute disgrace, never thought I’d defend the rich…!

In comparison CART is miniscule – and rightly so, but where are charitable donations for CART supposed to come from, when less wealthy people will feel the need to give more to the deserving charities such as those listed above…? I always thought that perhaps CART would pick up the scraps, but now there won’t be any – and again rightly so under the circumstances…

The massive irony is, this policy effectively puts a stranglehold on the Governments own mantra of the “Big Society.” Charity is supposed to be a fundamental part of this strategy that has already failed in so many ways – it never even got started. To be honest, after hearing this news, I came to the conclusion that without any previously established & secure funding to fill in the gaps, The Canal & River Trust is doomed to failure unless something changes. There’s always hope…!

Or perhaps not,, Fiona Bruce MP has just been nominated as the CART, sorry, IWA Parliamentarian of the Year. (She’s treasurer of the Parliamentary Waterways Group). Which means not a lot seeing as she’s in charge of the dosh. In addition to that, her boating experience consists of taking her law firm staff out for their annual dinner on a canal boat – just the once. And she lives in a big house that backs onto the Trent & Mersey. Thereby inspiring much no confidence at all…

And on a lighter note, I saw the specs of a narrowboat today listed as, Quote: “The windows let in plenty of daylight, with the added bonus of two pairs of 30 foot wide side doors.”  Hmm, perhaps they swivel round & it turns into a flying machine when it meets a dried up section of canal…

The CART Carnival Continues

Roll up, Roll up folks, welcome to the circus… Everything’s gone quiet since the unofficial transfer from BW to IWA representatives took place. You know, the stitch up that nobody outside the IWA was told about, but everybody knew about. (Not what was pasted on the billboards but never mind).

For me, apathy set in as soon as we found out not a one of the boaters representatives got voted in, & we really do have no voice whatsoever. No point blowing a gasket about it, what will be, will be, [cue violins…]

However Act 2 involves an even more bizarre phenomenon, the legalities of setting up the charity & how to ignore the issue as long as possible. AKA “Put your head in the sand & it might go away.” So here’s the program of events which IMHO should have been at the top of the priorities list:

• CART was set up last September with temporary permissions. By law these have to be changed to a permanent basis. Which means after all this time it’s still not officially registered as such.
• Transfer – liabilities & more liabilities still haven’t been been pawned off from BW to CART – and (sadly) they have to be.
• Settlement – still hasn’t been decided, that’s the terms on which the waterways will be run (on behalf of the nation).
• Funding? Well we all know what kind of cock up by the Waterways Minister was proposed, & it still hasn’t been ratified.

Then, after all that lot’s been sifted through, there’s still the teensy tiny process of how to go about registering a charity on an official basis:

The Charity Commissioners have a list of requirements that have to be met, called “Articles of Association” which have a lot of boxes to tick. And if they aren’t all ticked on the first attempt then it takes time to make changes & agree on them. It’s usually a complex process & co-ordination is required. Hmm, alien… As we all know, creating confusion & getting things spectacularly wrong is high on the agenda… 

David Pearce, Parliamentary Officer of the Association of Waterways Cruising Clubs. (There’s a mouthful) is not happy about whether there’s time to make the necessary changes. I wonder if that refers to time before the amended month of June, (2nd attempt after April Fools), or time before the next millennium…

And as an encore: Start as you mean to go on eh? It appears no lessons have been learned…

Meantime BW’s lawyer Nigel Johnson is defending his stance regarding “principle legal instruments.” (Pardon??)

And: Dear Tony Hales (all HAIL) reveals his discrimination policy in the “Articles of Association.” By commenting that (with ref to boaters candidates), one slight disappointment to him was “a preponderance of white males from the older end of the age spectrum.” In case you’re wondering, “preponderance” means superiority in weight / power / numbers. (Oh what’s new!)

Dear Tony has also announced that at first, before the money starts “rolling in” they will concentrate on the existing canal system. BUT, as charity income materialises “it may permit more support for restoration because it’s CART’s to spend on what it wishes.”

NOW THAT’S EXACTLY THE MAIN REASON WHY NONE OF US WANTED AN IWA TAKEOVER. We feared they would continue to spend funds on propping up restoration of disused canals. Rather than concentrating ALL FUNDING on keeping the existing navigable waterways open for boaters…!! Sadly, it was totally predictable & in my opinion a “fixed” election. Why? Because IWA members voted for each other, boaters who are members of IWA stayed loyal. And us boaters with no affiliations, wanting a new generation in power, (without bias) were totally out-numbered…  

As for the delays, even new patron Prince Charles is frustrated, either that or he’s constipated. Come to think of it he looks like a prune…

Also, his majesty can only do the job on a part-time basis, because what with spending breakfast, luncheon & dinna with his pet horse. And talking to his tomatoes, he hasn’t got much time to spare. It really is a busy life… 

And on that note I bid ye farewell for the evening, I’ve got a preponderance of principle legal instruments to sift through – on a deadline no less…

Moving your boat via the motorway

You live & learn…

Today I discovered TT was involved in a discussion on Canal World Forums, re; our sordid tale of woe when we first arrived at Mercia Marina. The guy who started the thread was wanting to move a widebeam boat by crane – lorry – crane, like we did, & asked about the whole procedure. Other people had mentioned our experience & one guy suggested perhaps we’d been a bit naive about leaving glasses in a cupboard – point taken. But to be fair we thought it could be no worse than crossing a tidal estuary in choppy water, which we’ve done without any damage whatsoever…

So, (minus photos) I replied by letting him know we were totally aware of the obvious problems when moving a fully fitted out boat, & how to (hopefully) prevent them. But however careful we were, it wasn’t just about broken glass:

Hi guys,
Sorry I'm late to the party here, discovered this thread in a search! Maybe it was naive to leave glasses in a cupboard, but they were packed in tight behind other things. All cupboards / doors etc were taped shut as they should be, & anything loose was bubble wrapped & packed in boxes. What I didn't show on the blog was the photo of the 3 door wardrobe across the bed, I was too upset to post it at the time. The wardrobe WAS screwed to the wall...

So here it is, I can bear it now…!

In hindsight we think the damage occurred as they were lifting the boat out of the water, the crane company we'd booked (& paid a flippin fortune for) was MARSDENS, one of the best. (Ha!) What they sent was a contractor, not even a Marsden crane…

A 5 guy team were supposed to be there on site, only 3 turned up. Dave (hubby) ended up steadying one of the guy ropes. But we trusted their judgement till (even with balancing beams) they started lifting her out with the front strap too close to the middle of the boat & she lurched forward…

THUS>>> (& it got worse before it got better)

This tally's with which door opened (the only one) & which way the wardrobe fell - fortunately across the bed & cushioned by the quilt…

When they got the lift all wrong I honestly thought the strap was going to slip back even further. I was screaming at them to put her back in the water, quite a few of us were! But they were a bit slow to respond. They did eventually realise & plonked her back in while they moved the strap forward & tried again. I was fuming…

The lorry firm was supposed to be reputable, but even the driver wasn't happy with the back end of the boat sticking out. Hang on - extendable lorry & they knew the dimensions of the boat…??

Then when we got here at Mercia, friends told us TT had been here overnight & the crane (without balancing beams) arrived early. Hence they were lifting her off the wagon just as we arrived. We were alarmed to see this but - "too late now" as they say. Fortunately they managed to drop her in without incident, although she did swing round & almost hit the side of a building in mid air. Said building being the dry dock boat shed…

We've seen several widebeams go in here since & every one has had the balancing beams. Yep, we felt like we'd been ripped off at the time, but, damage sorted we got over it…

However I did say on the blog that anyone doing this should try & get a "package" from the same contractor. We tried, but the distance from point A to B was quote "too far for the crane to travel.” (?)

The other advice I gave was to take photos inside the boat before being lifted out, after being lifted out (sat on the wagon before it sets off anywhere). When it gets to the other end after the journey, & again after it's been put back in the water. Why? Because with a date & timestamp you have evidence as to who / when / where any damage occurred - you're on THEIR insurance during the process. Sod elf & safety climbing up a ladder onto the lorry for a photoshoot. THEY can flout the rules.. And remember without photographic evidence, each company blames the other. None takes responsibility. Onto a good deal there aren't they? Shifting blame when it suits...

If we hadn't been on such a time sensitive "schedule" we would have asked questions, but alas you put your trust in these people & the service isn't always as promised.. However good the reputation is. We were advised by 2 marina managers about who's best to use - we didn't just jump in & Google it. We trusted their judgement & got let down – literally…

I think the best people to listen to with regards to advice as to which firm's are to be trusted & which to avoid are other boaters who have experience. This? Well this is about a lesson learned the hard way, what to look out for, & who to source info from…

Heth
Widebeam Takey Tezey

Just thought this was worth an airing for future ref, especially for anyone wanting to show a widebeam what a motorway looks like…

The truth about living afloat

Polly Player tells it like it is with her top 50 highly amusing “truths,” re; life afloat. I like people who tell it like it is – being as I’m one of them. See the daft side of things too & it makes all the difference…

I read Polly’s article in WW whereby she explains what it’s really like to live on the water. What a laugh – and it is isn’t it…?

So I’m going to pay tribute to her writing talent by listing a few out of her “50 truths” that are either relevant to us 2 nutters aboard TT, or that we can truly identify with:

3) WHEN VISITING ANOTHER BOATER: It is uncouth to use their toilet, unless you are at least a 15 minute walk from another toilet facility (for women) or a wooded area for men.

6) LAND DWELLERS FILL GAPS IN COVERSATION BY TALKING ABOUT THE WEATHER: Boaters fill gaps in conversation by talking about water levels.

7) PUMPOUT OR CASSETTE? Oh hell no. Don’t even go there.

13) “ONLINE” NO LONGER JUST MEANS THAT YOU HAVE INTERNET ACCESS: Confusing the two meanings is a faux pas.

15) IT SEEMS PERFECTLY NORMAL TO YOU TO HAVE BOTH THE STOVE & HEATING GOING FULL PELT: And all of the windows open.

24) ROSIE & JIM ARE BAD PEOPLE.

27) YOU CAN ANSWER THE QUESTION: “Is it cold on a boat in winter?” sensibly, only a finite number of times, before deciding to mess with people & saying “Yes, it’s terrible, I have nearly died of hypothermia twice this year already, & I don’t know how I’m still alive.”

Note: As you probably know, I do that too, slap hand…

29) UPON HEARING “MAN OVERBOARD” you reach for the camera first & the life-ring second.

30) WHEN OTHER PEOPLE FALL IN: You’re never there to see it / photograph it. But you know all too well that when you fall in, there’ll be a group of Japanese tourists there, immortalising it on film & uploading it to YouTube within the hour.

32) YOU STOP THINKING TO YOURSELF “There’s some funny people out on the cut” around the same time you realise that you are just like them actually.

36) YOU WILL HAVE SOME KIND OF NASTY TOILET-EMPTYING RELATED INCIDENT within your first few weeks away from mains plumbing. No one can teach you how to avoid your own personal initiation into boat toilet hell; you’re just going to have to grit your teeth & wait for it to happen.

37) WHEN YOU STARTED OUT WITH THE BOAT YOU HAD A LIST OF ABOUT 5 THINGS THAT YOU NEEDED TO DO / BUY / SORT OUT. However, due to a phenomenon (Polly calls) “boat mathematics” you learn that for every one item you cross off said list, another 2 appear. Three months down the line your list has about 30 essential & time sensitive things you need on it.

39) THE FIRST THING YOU DO WHEN YOU WAKE UP in the morning is look out of the window & make sure the land is still at the same level to you as it was the prior evening, & that your recurring sinking dream, is, in fact still a dream.

41) AN IMPRESSIVE NUMBER OF BOATERS seem to produce their own elderflower (or similar) wines. This is very refreshing, tastes delicious & doesn’t seem particularly alcoholic. Don’t fall for this.

48) YOU START TO WONDER WHY THE HELL EVERYONE OWNS A KEY FLOAT, when they don’t actually float after you’ve attached your bunch of keys to them. Take my word for this one.

50) YOU USED TO HATE HAVING PICTURES OF YOURSELF SHOWN AROUND, because you always look so gormless in them. But with boating pictures, you don’t even really mind that you look like a cross eyed imbecile, because you’re just so obviously happy in all of them.

BRILLIANTLY WRITTEN POLLY…

I just can’t resist adding my own number 51:

51) THE FIRST TOWPATH BBQ BESIDE YOUR BOAT IS ALWAYS A DISASTER: Whilst trying to impress family & friends with your culinary skills & peaceful lifestyle. You discover that dogs off a lead & speedster cyclists enjoy crashing in on the party. The dog runs off with your sausages or the speedster runs over them… Henceforth you learn to use the titanium Squirrel gloves to pluck several clumps of nettles to surround & protect your goodies with…   

And with ref, (on a very personal note), to number 50:

I tried to find a link to the whole article online without any luck. However, it’s on WW website, but you have to pay £1.00 just to “view” it. Tight gits…

Amendment: The good news is, with a little help from Dan & Steve on Farcebook, (thanks guys) they found this link to most of them, without a surcharge, enjoy…!

Neighbours, everybody needs good neighbours

Yes, I know it’s a corny heading that, but all will become clear, & if it doesn’t, then it’s my fault for writing this while sporting a whopping hangover…

Our neighbours Sarah & Chris next door have been here 3 weeks now. So I can sing screech the “Neighbours” theme tune without feeling like a total plonker, because they’re from New Zealand. (Well it’s all down under to us isn’t it?) Not that I’ve ever watched Neighbours of course…

Now when I say “next door,” many narrowboats on this pier, & others on standard length piers of 57 – 60 foot long are lucky enough to end up with a double berth to themselves. Which is really nice because people don’t get the feeling of being “hemmed in.” There’s plenty of space which is wonderful, & each boat seems to moor up on the opposite side to the boat next door making the most of it. Being as TT is a widebeam, we always have a gap at one side, but this is even better…   

Anyway, that’s the set up, & we’ve had such a laugh since they got here 3 weeks ago, or is it 4…? They were round here last night for a meal & drinky poos, it’s a pleasure to spend the evening with them, simply because we get on so well & have such a good laugh. It also gives them a well earned break from fitting out their boat. What a job they’ve taken on, right from the moment they came back here, they got stuck in & began ripping stuff out…

The first time they came round to TT for a meal Chris reckoned he’d be knocking on the side of the boat every night around tea time. I can take no credit for that, Dave’s the chef on this boat, it would’ve been his calling if it hadn’t been for the fact that he became an engineer & went off building planes…

Anyway, Sarah & Chris are at the “re-fitting stage” now, & their new kitchen’s almost ready for business. (So we’ll be round their as soon as it opens). But it’s hard work for them because as we all know, one job turns into 10 more on a boat…

Oh, & they also have an interesting & light hearted boaty blog here… So we’re “Blogger neighbours” too, unusual in a marina eh? Well we have to be different…

Still on the subject of eggs

Moving on from yesterdays perplexingly weird Easter egg, (which was boiled & eaten later in the day). It’s not an eggsageration to say that it led me to think about ducklings – or lack of them as yet…

Here’s a photo from a couple of years ago to remind you what they look like, ONE mum & 32 ducklings out on the cut! I kid ye not…Poor thing, we gathered she’d adopted some, must’ve had her hands feathers full…

Biggest brood in the world..?

They even tramped all over each other in an effort to get fed first…!

So has anyone seen any yet…?

If I’m being a bit previous, it’s that darned egg’s fault…

The Android egg & 2 other Androids

If Easter Friday is called Good Friday, then why isn’t Easter Monday called Good Monday…? We could have…

• Good Friday & Good Monday OR
• Easter Friday & Good Monday

There’s one to ponder on…

And while we’re pondering, I’ve had one helluva GOOD BAD time re-setting & re-establishing communications on my Android device over the past couple of days. Hence I feel like an “Easter Android” myself at the moment…

And here’s an Android Easter egg Dave presented me with this morning. Thanks dear…

 

Alas, t’was my own fault it cocked up, & t’was my own efforts that un-cocked it… 

 

Anyway yolks folks, have an eggstra special Easter without any androids…

testing testing

123

Landlubbers misconceptions

We were in the pub the other night & someone asked how we were going to manage for water while the hosepipe ban’s on…

Secret answer one keeps to oneself: “Well what we all have to do is fill up the day before the ban, & make it last. Beyond that we just use canal water & risk getting weils disease, aye it’s a hard life…”

The correct answer: The hosepipe is just a connection from tap to tank for a boat. It tells the water where to go & ferries it there, that’s all. The “staff of life” flows unheeded & no ban is imposed because it’s for human consumption, & by the time it comes out of the taps on the boat it’s FILTERED drinking water. The only thing we have to go without during a hosepipe ban is washing down the paintwork on the boat – big deal. Oh, & there’s no garden to worry about…

It reminds me of the time when I noticed a couple of gongoozlers looking through one of the windows while we were out on the cut, & then commenting to each other in naive astonishment, “Oh look it’s got a cooker!”

Secret reply to myself: “Well, it’s got central heating, a multi-fuel stove that means you’re peeling clothes off in winter, insulation, a fridge freezer, a big bed, wardrobes, a shower, 2 sinks, 2 flat screen TV’s, a washer / dryer, a microwave, & internet access for as many devices as you like. You know, just like everything in a house…”

Correct answer: All of the above…

I’ve also heard “Oh well they can’t live on them in winter can they?”

Secret reply: “Come on board luv, bet it’s warmer & cosier than you could ever imagine possible, best take your coat & jumper off first…”

Correct answer: Above…

The water shortage means we can’t cruise some areas of the inland waterways system, but erm, bricks & mortar doesn’t cruise anywhere…

And even (god forbid) if there’s a power cut – no candles required, we still have power…

Blogspot got April Fooled!

Yesterday while I had a senior moment to myself I was catching up on some of the blogs. But I kept getting this error message:

Server Error 503

At first I thought it was me, (like you do), then realised this server error had nothing to do with me at all. It was a Blogger server on the blink…

Basically it means your computer knocks on the servers door & politely asks “May I browse this page please” & the server replies “Bugger off I’ve got my own issues to deal with.” So I went on Google Groups (like you do) & discovered it was happening all over the globe as an intermittent fault…

April Fools Day was mentioned several times, anyway, one of the guys in the group is an administrator, & he reports Blogspot issues to the engineers at Google. Turns out the problem only started yesterday, (all over the globe) & they were already aware of it & working on it. Wonder if they get overtime for messing about with their tools on a Sunday…?

Just wondered if anyone else had noticed it, because if you did, it’s officially been sorted. Ho hum, noughts & one’s eh? Don’t they cause some hassle sometimes…

So because I joined the group yesterday, I set email notification to ON, thinking it would just be for that thread. This morning I woke up to an inbox full of 256 emails. Turned out to be for every thread in that group………………….

Needless to say I changed the email settings to OFF, then left the group just to make sure…! Even though it wasn’t really SPAM at all, it certainly seemed like it. In fact it was quite depressing reading all about other people’s Blogspot problems, so they’ve all been zapped… Ah, problem solved & spam free again, what more can you ask for the day after April Fools…?

And the best thing is my new laptop battery arrived today, & it actually works proper, so I don’t have to plug myself into a wall socket before opening the lid anymore. Wow, keep the faith & keep the good vibes – till it snows on Wednesday…

An April Fool exclusive for boaters

If space is of a premium aboard your boat, all those empty beer cans can easily get in the way. Of course we’re all into recycling, so I have the answer:

It’s called the “I can crush a can” & can be found here, & if there’s too many cans in this sentence – I can’t be assed crushing them…

Anyway, as you can tell from the picture it is in fact quite large implement & covers roughly the same space footprint as about 6 cans of lager, or even 12 if stacked, so which is more important…

• A can crusher stored in the space where the cans used to be, but now won’t fit?
• Or, room for even more cans & forget the can crusher?

Both options make the “I can crush a can” redundant, so that leads us to the conclusion that there’s no point buying one in the first place…

At this point I’d like to be able to announce “April Fool” BUT THE DAM THING’S REAL…!!!