Takey Tezey

I keep losing things

2012-01-27T17:16:00.001Z

And finding them in the most unusual places…

In the past 2 days I’ve lost:

A hairbrush
A sock
A torch
A jumper

Now I can perhaps understand the sock walking away by itself, & the hairbrush being erm, airbrushed? Oh, & the jumper might’ve launched itself overboard in a last ditch attempt to prevent me noticing the hole in it…

However, not all is lost, the torch turned up in my handbag, ahh, the handbag, a woman’s bottomless pit of absolute rubbish (well mine is). If I sat here & made a list of every item that’s in there, it would take at least a week to compile…

I would’ve taken “wanted” photos of the missing items to post on here, but for obvious reasons that can’t happen…

It could be a conspiracy, or is it (shh) the age thing, agghhh…

Which reminds me of this little ditty I’ve retrieved from the dusty archives on this laptop:

Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder (AAADD)

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first. I take my cheque book off the table, and see that there is only 1 cheque left. My extra cheques are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke I'd been drinking.

I'm going to look for my cheques, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. The Coke is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye - they need water. I put the Coke on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers. I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day: -

The car isn't washed

The bills aren't paid

There is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter

The flowers don't have enough water,

There is still only 1 check in my check book,

I can't find the remote,

I can't find my glasses,

And I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day, and I'm really tired. I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my email.

Do me a favour. Forward this message to everyone you know, because I don't remember who the hell I've sent it to.

Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!!

GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL. LAUGHING AT YOURSELF IS THERAPEUTIC...

BRILLIANT! Author Unknown – perhaps he forgot who he was…

Customised coffins: The narrowboat coffin

2012-01-25T17:14:00.001Z

Now as you know I rarely mix ~~business with pleasure~~ Farcebook with the blog, but this particular “business” is an exception to the rule. It got a bit out of hilarious ~~handles~~ hands, (on a shared basis) when I posted this, and it’s just too good to miss – and it rhymes…

So I opened the lid with:

“About these customised coffins, here's the narrowboat version, {link above}. Notice how the wife tries hard to conceal her excitement about her husbands birthday present. And I wonder if at the end, (excuse pun) he's inside the coffin heading into the sunset, or it fell off the boat while they were discussing reverse layout...”

Then, on a personal basis:

“Broken news: In our case it would have to be a widebeam, if one of us pops their clogs before the other, then only half a widebeam would be required till the other one pops their clogs. Then the 2 halves could be welded together. However, If we both go at the same time there'd be no need for any extra welding or faffing about.”

Or come to think of it COST, I mean one of us could end up in half a widebeam & the other in a wicker basket…

Just as an aside to ponder on, (we’re off Farcebook now), when we lived in bricks n’ mortar there was a “traditional” kind of coffin maker business in the same town. Since then, I kid ye not, they’ve gone under. Perhaps it’s because it’s too expensive to snuff it these days…

And on a final note I’ve just got to share this blog post from Mike the Meercat on nb Rose of Arden…

Just a thought, even them containers could be scaled down prototypes for beer bottle coffins…

The boat licence fee price hike

2012-01-24T17:21:00.001Z

We got our renewal documents the other day. If I remember rightly it was around the 600+ mark last year. Can’t be bothered digging the current one out of “the office,” (that’s a shelf in a cupboard) to ~~cheque~~ check the exact amount…

So here’s the figures for this year:

Prompt payment rate: £722.94 (We’ll go for that one thanks)

How you get screwed if you forget prompt payment:

Full fee: £803.27

Full fee plus late payment charge, (appropriate date) April Fools day: £953.27

Additional late payment charge: £150

We’ve always been very well behaved & done the “prompt payment” thing, the incentive being:

If you only pay it on time there’s the honour of an extra £80.00 to fork out. I mean there can’t possibly be many companies out there that charge extra for paying on time! I know in theory, this has always been BW’s way of charging us. But only BW could come up such a daft method of paying a bill, & I have to wonder about the legality of it in these days of wording being right & proper…

Expect the number of water gypsy’s to go up at approx the same rate…

A flying house?

2012-01-23T16:33:00.001Z

Now I know we’ve already been through our flying widebeam saga, which began on one day {out}, ended on the next day {in} & required a massive clean up op afterwards. {Shake it all about}. So here’s the Park Home version – and no it’s not ours – and I hope they had no furniture in it…

Almost there, it was too cold to hang about on the pier till they’d glued both halves together…

As you can see it missed the water completely, not sure if that was the idea or not. If I’ve counted correctly there’s 6 of them now over yonder. Translation: Round the edge of the marina in a little group. And they’re much further away than they look in these photos, blimey if they were that close, we’d be able to see what was on the menu for tea…

The Canal & River Trust Volunteers

2012-01-21T20:25:00.001Z

Aside from the funding issues, has anyone else considered the potential for problems concerning existing Action Groups, Canal Partnerships / projects etc run by volunteers? Essentially these dedicated people organise themselves & have done independently for years…

This is where I foresee some fragmentation if new rules & regs are imposed, especially those concerning Health & Safety. One rule for all, or different rules for some? The words “jig-saw that won’t fit” come to mind. Then again are there enough Trustees to oversee & co-ordinate all this fairly, & rule out confusion? Personally, what with all the other major problems to face, I don’t think there is…

And another thing is the potential prospect of the trustees either being all “on the same page.” Or do they share them out so they each deal with separate issues in different ways?

Oh I’m so good with questions I haven’t got an answer for…

Why you should always back up your pictures

2012-01-20T21:11:00.001Z

Well I went through all mine on my laptop on Wednesday, updating folders & tidying up, there’s almost 10,000 on there now & counting…! I backed them all up to my mobile hard drive. Not done so for 4 months – naughty. But one copy alone isn’t enough anymore, so I went out yesterday, bought a 32 gig USB stick & “double backed up” to that…

See, it all went wrong about 6 years ago, long before we got the boat. I spent all my spare time for weeks scanning & importing shiny paper photos. About 3,000 at the time, maybe more, it was all family stuff. Right from the kids as babes, holidays, experiences, good times, friends & family etc. Precious stuff. Those were the days of backing up to DVD’s & 4.7 gig of storage was a wonderful thing…

Except it got a bit complicated when it came to backing everything up, I mean music would only fit on one, docs would only fit on another & pictures on another…

I’ll never forget that day of disaster, I was installing Windows XP Pro. So I backed everything up across several DVD’s beforehand. Each had a neat little sticker on it to let me know what was what & where was where. So I spent ages getting everything neatly “filed…”

After I’d finished installing the new O/S I reached for my trusty DVD’s & started restoring data. When I picked up my Pictures DVD (with big label slapped on it saying so), it went in the disk drive & came up with “empty disk.” After checking several options of which none were viable, I finally realised those 2 words were indisputable. I was truly gutted, I’d remembered everything except my pictures. The only saving grace was that I’d kept every single shiny paper photo, & they remain with us now aboard TT in a storage box under the bed…

Thing is, even though they’re all sealed up, shiny paper photos don’t last forever, & I sure don’t want to go through the scanning process of that lot again!

Bright idea of the day: So does anybody out there fancy a nice little job for a few weeks…? Unfortunately it would have to be on a voluntary basis due to lack of funding. It would also have to mirror the ~~Big Bang Theory~~ Big Society Model, erm, due to lack of enthusiasm. [Almighty groan]

Living on a boat

2012-01-19T21:05:00.001Z

I subscribed to the website Living on a Narrowboat a while ago, even though it’s a widebeam we live on – well, I mean why not? It makes life much more interesting to be ~~difficult~~ different, take it from one who knows. Anyway, I was asked to do a case study of our life afloat by Paul Smith, in words & pictures. So I thought you might be interested in the questions, my answers, & the photos I submitted…

Who are you? (and your significant other and, of course, your dog if you have one)

Heather & David, aka Heth & Dave. With lots of boaty pals. No dogs, no cats, no ties…

Heth…

Dave…

Tell me a little about yourself and why you decided to live a life afloat

How we got to where we're at now: We'd lived in the same place for 25 years, our kids who we're very proud of had left home with careers to follow. So there we were, happy together but rattling round a big house with nothing left to offer us... Even with great memories from our past in that place, we needed to move on, besides you can take memories with you wherever you go... And we also had our precious dreams, so why not do something about it? What had we got to lose? We both realised it was time to get away from the suburbs & make the move to a more rural area, this was what we wanted to do... At this point we made the decision to sell up & started discussing our options...

Buy a house in the country? Too expensive when you want a 360 view...
Buy a narrowboat? Too small…
Move to Florida - our second home...? It turned out to be a Visa nightmare, with a waiting list of up to 2 years...

So we bided our time & concentrated on getting the house ready to sell, neither of us panicked about it - like we knew there was something out there for us, all we had to do was wait...

We've walked the canals for years, & after ruling out a narrowboat, the 27th June 2007 was the day that changed our lives. We almost didn't go for a walk that day along the Rufford canal because I wasn't feeling very well, but we did. We almost didn't stop for a brew at St Mary’s marina cafe afterwards, but we did. We almost walked past our (unknown) dream without looking back, but something made Dave turn his head. He saw a boat on the end of the pier with a "FOR SALE" sign in the window. I carried on walking away (dream on), but something made me turn around & look. We both walked down towards it & noticed it was wider than the others, for all our travels down the towpath we hadn't noticed WIDTH. We asked the owner if it was still for sale, "Yes & it's not yet a year old" came the reply. For them, circumstances dictated the sale...

We got the guided tour of this boat called "Takey Tezey" & we were totally in awe of it. The magic of the lifestyle, the boat itself & the space on-board captured our imagination, it was exactly what we'd been looking for, even though we didn't know it! We stayed there for a couple of hours just talking to the owners about their life afloat. It was intriguing & surreal...

During our drive back to the house that day we were like a couple of kids in a schoolyard chanting "WE CAN DO THIS, WE CAN DO THIS...!" All the way home... Then we had to remove the rose tinted glasses & discuss the reality of it all, this wasn't something we were going to rush into & potentially regret later, it needed a lot of thinking about first. Handover date was 30th November 2007. However due to work commitments we were “part timers” for 18 months till early retirement came along...

Something I've learned over the years: You've only got one life so make the most of every day...

In December last year we had Takey Tezey moved from St Mary’s marina in Lancashire (where she’s been “based” since she was launched) to Mercia marina in Derbyshire. We really enjoyed our time at St Mary’s, we miss our friends, but it was time for a change, time to move on again. On 5th December 2011, TT was lifted out of St Mary’s marina & put on the back of a wagon.

The following day she was put in at Mercia marina, 100 miles further south at the heart of the canal system. Just over a month later we’re settled in here now. Being “fair weather boaters” we spend as much time out on the cut as we can in summer, take off & return when we please. Meet up with friends & enjoy the social side of living afloat. It’s a wonderful lifestyle & we’re really looking forward to exploring “unchartered waters,” (excuse pun) this year...

What is your boat called and why did you decide on that name?

“Takey Tezey” aka “TT” we didn’t name the boat, but someone had a sense of humour just like mine.

What is your boat length and style?

57ft x 10ft, widebeam, cruiser stern, reverse layout.

How long have you been a narrowboat owner?

Widebeam - 3 years.

How much time do you spend on your boat each year?

Our boat is our home.

Are you still working? (If so, what do you do?)

Retired.

What do you like least about narrowboat life?

Nothing to do with the lifestyle, although the spectre of the canal system falling into disrepair is a concern.

What do you like most about narrowboat life?

Freedom & happiness.

If you could change just one thing about your boat, what would it be?

Not a thing, as “newbies” we learned the hard way & spent a fortune improving tech specs on the boat. It can’t be improved on now, not after all the work we’ve had done, unless something goes wrong!

When you are cruising how do you resupply (How do you get to the supermarket without a car)?

We have a fridge freezer & never go out cruising long enough to need food deliveries. If necessary we’d do the online Tesco thing & meet up at bridge number whatever.

How do you do your washing when you are cruising?

Washer / Drier on-board.

How do you connect to the internet when you are on your boat and are you happy with the service you receive?

Marina Wi-Fi & Vodafone 3G dongle on the canal.

What is your favourite canal or section of canal?

So far? Has to be the Leeds Liverpool – away from Liverpool.

How do you generate electricity when you are cruising and how much do you use?

If we moor up in the same place for a few days, we run the engine for half an hour morning & night to keep the batteries charged via the alternator. Average used: Probably considered a lot! All electrical appliances are 240V except for a 12V TV in the bedroom. However we swap the plug in kettle for a whistling gas stove kettle when we’re out.

What advice can you offer someone considering living on a narrowboat?

Do your homework / research in depth & if you’re not sure about something, say no. If you are sure, have a survey done before any money changes hands. Or find & friendly boater with experience to share.

What obvious questions have I missed from this list?

Interior Design?? (One of my very few talents). Tried & tested successfully aboard TT.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here’s some of the photos that weren’t used on the website, but still worth an airing on here…

A heron on the roof…

Another cheeky visitor…

Mirror image of a summer sunset…

What a contrast - memories of last winter…

I’ve been meaning to do this & send it off for ages, just haven’t had time, so that’s another thing to cross off the “To Do” list - till something else crops up tomorrow of course…

If you’d like to submit your own “case study” here’s a link to the official “case studies” page. I think TT is up there now…

Cold out init?

2012-01-17T17:36:00.001Z

Yesterday morning the marina was iced over, it was patchy & disappeared later in the day. Today however it was more widespread & most of it stayed put. But not to worry it’s supposed to warm up in the next few days, so they say…

And Jack Frost had been doing a merry dance on the front screen overnight…

Brrrrr….

Well we’ve got visitors coming round tonight for a drinky poos, Barry & Sue on nb Adagio, that’s if they can find us…! So I’d best be off…

Manoeuvring & not moving

2012-01-16T20:48:00.001Z

Catching up on the blogs today I noticed Mike from nb “Rose of Arden” wrote this excellent blog post about his boating experiences, with Trial & Error as passengers. Mike also administers a “Financial Health Warning” with ref to the boating money pit…

Personally I’d rather have a pit full of money, but never mind you can’t have everything. Which leaves boating all about choice, or taking a chance, or not bothering at all – and getting on with it…

OR there’s the other kind of “boater” who does all three & doesn’t get on with it. At this point I hear you asking yourself what the hek’s she prattling on about…?

Well it goes like this, (someone who I didn’t know personally), but couldn’t make up their mind. Over a period of about 10 years they started off with a Tupperware boat. Then acquired a motorhome, then another one (that’s 2), bought several cars including a Mercedes, then bought a narrowboat to live aboard forevermore…

The latter moved from it’s mooring about 5 times, for no longer than 5 days, but within a year was up for sale. The shine had faded super-quick, & I’m not talking about the paintwork. Since then it’s been abandoned & still hasn’t sold…

Meantime all the other expensive toys previous to the canal boat haven’t been for sale at all, neither do they get used. (Except for 2 cars). Hard to believe eh…? Storage costs & mooring fees must be costing a small fortune per year, meantime all this hardware loses value… Now that’s a bottomless pit if ever I heard of one…

Some people are hoarders, but that must be classed as “extreme hoarding” to say the least. And doesn’t make any sense at all…

In summary I could say it’s a cautionary tale, but if you can afford that lot without using most of it then good luck…!

Meeting up with friends at the marina

2012-01-14T20:11:00.001Z

Strange this, people talk about meeting up with fellow bloggers, fellow friends on the canal all the time. Thing is, I can also say the exact same thing happens on Mercia marina here. It’s so vast, friends are scattered about all over the place. Now what we could do would be to take the boat round & moor up on each other’s piers side on across the bows of the other boats. Or walk… Even so, it’s the equivalent of walking down the towpath to meet up with fellow boaters moored nearby…

What we’ve found here is that you don’t have to be on the same pier to be friends with other folks & go visiting. This is a new & very welcome ~~phmon~~ ~~phno~~ phenomenon to us. At the other marina it was like each pier was exclusive when it came to good friends, & never the twain shall meet except down the pub by chance! And we were a part of that too, arrangements to go out together in our little “clique” were always with our friends on the same pier. Call it exclusive, it was nothing deliberate, that’s just the way it worked. It wasn’t a problem, just different…

So yesterday afternoon we went round (on foot) to see Bruce & Sheila (nb Sanity Again), we had a good laugh & it was really nice to meet them properly. [They did pop round to see us a couple of weeks ago, but it had been a late night & I was still in me dressing gown] Hence we did the “raincheck” thing…

Then we went for a dumpout this aft, & they were just walking by as we moored up, so I gave them the guided tour of TT - while Dave did the erm “honours” outside. Afterwards I cleaned down the side of the boat – haven’t done it since she was on the back of a lorry. Disgraceful…

Tomorrow we’re going out for ~~Sandayyy laanchon~~ Sunday lunch with Steve & Lindsay (widebeam Jenique). They’re on the next pier behind us, just about 50 yards away. We talked about building a bridge across called “The Plank” but Steve came up with a better idea. “Let’s just club together & buy a dinghy.” Brilliant…

So at the end of a busy day: Here’s another sunset photo taken from the boat…

RED HOT>>>

& ON FIRE…

Bit like me then. He He…

Boaters Manifesto Facebook Group Revival

2012-01-13T20:55:00.001Z

Yes folks it’s now a safe place to express your views, Peter has appointed 7 administrators including yours truly here - to prevent any naughtiness from those who enjoy stirring up trouble. Thereby creating free speech in the true meaning of the phrase…

This is the new Welcome to those who join the group (RHS), written by Peter & posted today:

“Everyone is welcome to join this Boaters’Manifesto Facebook page linked to www.boatersmanifesto.weebly.com, which is a resource for people who wish to comment on the manifesto's contents, or issues concerning the Canal and River Trust.
We welcome lively debate, but to ensure that everyone - those who support the content of the manifesto and those ...who don’t - feel able to contribute to that debate, we ask that posts are on topic and do not contain:
Swearing or personal attacks on other members. Criticism of the manifesto and the policies expressed in it and opinions about the waterways and the organisations involved in them is welcome, unpleasant criticism of individuals is not, especially using foul language. Posts which contravene these guidelines can be removed immediately by administrators who will give an explanation to the individual involved, if requested, by Facebook message.
If two or more people complain about a post or related comments the post or comment concerned will be removed and the person who posted will be given a warning. If that person chooses to ignore this warning and offends again, they will be removed from the membership of the group without further notification.”

And these are the Admins:

Peter Heather Underwood

Jonathan David Ody

Peter J. MacDonald

Pete Gray

Heather Rowsell

Chris Birchall

Michael Clark

Notice how I’m the only female person in there? Ah well, from a woman’s perspective & all that…

And there’s more, now that the site’s been cleaned of bad rubbish, & will remain that way. I’d like to invite anyone who left in disgust to re-join, & anyone who’s never joined anyway to erm join up anyway…

Andy, you could also post your statement on there now without fear of getting your head bitten off, might be a good idea chuck…

The Internet Troll

2012-01-11T21:02:00.001Z

And how the Boaters Manifesto Group could be saved:

Moderators moderate groups & forums for a reason, to weed out the troublemakers, & allow those who want to contribute in a debate do so in a constructive way. Without fear of being verbally attacked…

I have great respect for Peter Underwood, he’s a nice guy who deserves much respect for his endeavours with the Boaters Manifesto. However, after speaking to him last night about introducing a moderator, he’s determined to allow the internet trolls (& their supporters) to have their say, destroy the site & show no respect whatsoever for his work. In my opinion this is very naive of Peter…

Definition of an internet troll: [Source: Wikipedia] “In internet slang a TROLL is someone who posts inflammatory, extraneous or off-topic messages in an online community, such as an online discussion forum, chat room, or blog with the primary intent of provoking readers into an emotional response or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion”

The average internet troll will argue “free speech” if a warning is given, but can’t argue at all if banned. When you’ve witnessed this behaviour, (& even been drawn into a reaction), it makes you ask yourself at what point does Free Speech become “Free Abuse?”

One internet troll in a forum or group usually manages to “weed out” a couple of “hangers on” & their collective verbal abuse spreads like a virus throughout the site. These morons “get off” on upsetting people like bullies in a schoolyard. In reality they don’t need to know or even understand the underlying subject, as long as there’s people there to freely upset & pick on, that’s enough…

Asking the morons nicely to calm down whilst reminding everyone of what the groups aims are about doesn’t work either. Sadly, I’ve seen people try & fail several times…

I’ve since found out that one of my friends sort of inherited moderator status on the BM Facebook site. But frustratingly for him, his hands are tied because Peter doesn’t want to lose ANY members, even those who don’t belong. It’s quite ironic really because in his efforts to save everyone, genuine members are slowly beginning to leave the group. So if Peter was fearful of banning the morons in the hope that they’d change, now is the time for damage control…

The Bloated Boaters Manifesto Facebook Group

2012-01-09T17:27:00.001Z

Well the “usual vultures” are out in style, & sadly that group is sliding into anarchy. I won’t quote any of the slanging match comments on my blog, many are disgusting & derogatory. The vultures seem to get a kick out of verbally eating people alive. The other day I was judged & abused on a personal level by a bloke who should’ve known better, it was too much for me & I left the group. And yes, you know who you are – someone I considered as a friend… (There’s 4 of us gone within 48 hours).

Fortunately non of the “vultures” are bloggers, from experience I’ve learned we are a different species altogether. Altogether being the appropriate word, because we are a diverse community of boaters yet we still get along, there is no abuse, nothing resembling it. In summary I like to think we all respect each other & it shows…

Yesterday I felt very sorry for Alan Fincher who’s standing for CART as a candidate he was invited to represent himself within the group, so people could get some idea of his background, his principles & his reasons for putting himself forward & he got eaten alive…

There are around 200 members in that group, with about 10 bad apples & they literally take over with their scathing comments. One of whom doesn’t even own a boat…

But whatever was said to me is of no consequence when it comes down to the fact that The Boaters Manifesto was started by Peter Underwood, & several other boaters contributed towards its content. It was then presented to the Trustees for approval. As yet, several of the key points within the Manifesto have been approved, which is a good start from a boaters point of view – or should be... After all it was created by boaters – for boaters…

My main concern is that if any of the Trustees see what’s happening on the Boater’s Manifesto Facebook group – with all the aggression & lack of consideration for others points of view they’d be horrified. There is nothing constructive on there & it could even give us all a bad name. If I’d created that group – I’d have taken it down a while ago. Peter has retreated into the shadows on there, he’s tried to calm things down, but I suspect he’s given up…

I don’t know who set up the group, perhaps someone else does…? I’ll leave a message on Peter’s Farcebook wall. I’d really like to speak to that person & ask them why on earth they haven’t blown it into the ether by now…

Our first month anniversary

2012-01-08T17:50:00.001Z

And I forgot it… On 6th Jan we’ve been here at Mercia Marina for precisely one month. However, in hindsight we went out for a meal that day - without even realising. Yep, that’s when we went ~~to see~~ to The Dragon in Willington, the meal was lovely, bit of a limited menu but never mind, the place has got character & the kind of atmosphere we like… No blog post yesterday – hangover from hell, but, with matches propping the eyes open I noticed this…

A beautiful winter sunset, taken from the back of the boat…

Other news: We seem to have acquired a little friend at the back end of the boat, I haven’t been able to take a photo of him yet because he only comes out at night. We hear him behind us when we’re sat outside in the lux con, bang on 11pm he starts doing the threep thing. He’s a coot & I’ve named him Wally, say “shut up” (no need to shout) & he does…

So here’s an example coot, taken in 2010, he / she holds the record for the fattest coot / water hen (whichever) in the world…

There must be something about TT’s back end that attracts these little critters, remember these from last year? I should’ve been a narrator…

Well thank goodness the wind’s died down

2012-01-06T16:59:00.001Z

A couple of nights ago a pole on the roof was doing a merry dance, while Dave’s fishing net on the bow was doing the Irish jig all night. It was like trying to sleep in a nuts & bolts factory, if there is such a thing – well there must be somewhere. Anyway, we woke up yesterday morning looking like a couple of ghosts. Everyone else said the same, I mean about not sleeping, but we seemed to be the only 2 lookalike apparitions in the immediate area…

Later on I heard the gentle woo of the inverter humming quietly, (kettle on, TV on, Laptop on, CH on), shouldn’t be a problem. It told me on the panel thingy the electricity was off, & it was now in charge (excuse puny pun). It’s a dumb & dumber thing with the inverter, or a clever & cleverer thing, it just takes over automatically. So in order to be able to hear it, one has to be near my own personal airing cupboard containing cardboard socks, knickers, underpants (latter not mine) & various other items of clothing. You really wanted to know that didn’t you…?

I stifled a titter or two when someone said the security gates at the marina wouldn’t open, well, I mean not on their own. A bit of help from “the man who can” & we were all set free. Never heard of that happening before, never even thought of it. Anyone for Porridge…? However, the leccy wasn’t off for too long, which isn’t so bad when you consider 6,000 bricks n’ mortar homes in this area were without power all day…

So while we’re on the subject of power, my laptop won’t charge up anymore hence I’m tied to a plug socket for now. I’ve tried all the software diagnosis stuff, so it must be the internal battery, & it’s not a year old. Mind you to be fair it takes some bashing, it’s been dropped twice & still runs smooth as a baby’s bum…

The story(s): It’s little home when not in use is on top of a stool under the breakfast bar. First time was Dave rearranging the furniture, he tried to catch it bless him, but it sorta just dropped anyway. Second time was Mark the Spark, again it dropped off the stool as he moved it to sit on. I told him there’d be a lawsuit pending, but he didn’t take any notice – like you wouldn’t if it was me saying it. Thing is, it’s “death wish” phase happened a few months ago, & it only decided not to charge last week, (figures). Ah well, go with the flow, or not as the case may be. (I swear those puns get worse).

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Well we’re going to see “The Dragon” (that’s a pub) tonight, & hopefully we’ll get a nice meal. Missed out twice there so far. They serve after 6pm during the week, & finish serving at 6pm on Sundays. Guess which way round we got it when we first moved here…?

MOVING on from yesterdays post

2012-01-05T14:59:00.000Z

Canal Related Broken News: I recently received a reply to an email I sent last year to my (then) local MP. Can’t remember exactly what I wrote to “Dear Loraine” now, except that it was all about canal boaters concerns for the future of the system. Plus a few questions I threw in there, which haven’t been answered. To be honest, I’d even forgotten about it due to lack of conviction, (a fob off) which turned out to be correct, read on…

Page 2 – for what it’s worth…

So having read this reply thar’s nowt new then, it even refers to the big hullabaloo of October 2010 for goodness sake. Then there’s sums that don’t add up, they’re reliant on funding that has no guarantees, & they still haven’t got a Business Plan. Marvellous…

Even more important, I’m still trying to work out if that signature’s written with real ink, or if it’s a nice blue photocopy. And note how it’s taken 2 months to reply…

So it’s all standard blurb with a patronising tone & nothing we don’t already know, which doesn’t inspire confidence. No doubt those of us who wrote to our local MP’s all got the same response, if at all…

PS: “Dear Loraine” won’t be my local MP now, well never mind, I won’t be in tears over it…

PPS: I’ve just realised I’ll have to stop occasionally slipping into writing with a Lancasheer accent on’t blog. I mean now we’re based at “Canal Central” an’ all that, init…?

A manuscript from BW; CART; FART even?

2012-01-01T17:22:00.001Z

No it’s not political, had enough of that sh*te. But it is the first day of 2012, so one must make an effort…

As a ~~highly privileged~~ non-privileged member of the non-canal boating echelons on high, we received one of these through the post. Yes if you’re sharp enough to note the date, it’s been left on the shelf seeing as it coincided with us moving the boat & subsequent Christmas celebrations. So I blew the dust off it yesterday, & the fact that the paper does actually look dusty in these photos is a trick of the camera. Or a deliberate attempt by Robbing Evans to make it more difficult to read… [Stop it Heth]

So has anyone else who’s a privileged licence holder received one of these…?

And this is the best bit, I kid ye not…

Does it self destruct too…? And will the cost of a blank page add to our licence fee…? Hmm…

At the very least it could’ve said “Happy New Year & PLEEZE Carry On Boating.” --- As Barbara Windsor pops her tits out & we all get stuck on ~~her~~ the bottom…

PS: I’ve just noticed poor Barbara Windsor has the great misfortune to posses the initials BW……………..

A new year ditty

2011-12-31T19:56:00.001Z

I made up this little New Year ~~old~~ ~~oat~~ ode today, for all my pals:

“Go your own way,

Do your own thing.

May the new year bring you,

EVERYTHING.

It’s never too late in life,

To achieve your dreams…”

[Written by that ~~famous~~ infamous poet called me]

Not had time to blog for the last couple of days, blimey we’ve been having wayyy too much fun. Liam spent his last night here at the boat with mum & dad on Thursday, we were up till 4am…!!! Then he set off driving back to Germany yesterday, {bittersweet moments} he got there safe & sound this morning at 6am… It felt like there was a hole in our hearts for a moment there after he’d gone, but we get used to it, we have to…

So it’s a quiet New Years Eve in at the boat for us tonight, with glass in hand:

Cheers everyone

Christmas Crackers

2011-12-28T19:44:00.001Z

Or, a Crackers Christmas, thing is all my family are as potty as me, so it must run in the ~~jeans~~ genes or something…

Christmas Crackers Day at my mum & dad’s:

The table BEFORE it got laden with food…

As you can imagine, with 13 of us sat round it, re-arrangements were necessary in order to fit the turkey & trimmings on, & also to fit us all in…

After opening all our presents amidst a mountain of shredded paperwork, it was time for the star of the show to open his, after he’d had a little nap. The rosy cheeks are back teeth coming through, Ahh…

Just woken up & raring to go, let’s get started then. But I’ll just have a play with this Cola bottle with dad & grandad first…

And then I’ll teach dad how to do aerobics…

And now I’ll show mum how to put a Christmas hat on, whilst keeping a serious face…

Ooo opening presents is fun…

He He, Clap, Clap…

Just a moment while I phone a friend…

How ya doin’ mate…?

And after all that he preferred to walk round with his mum’s toiletries bag collecting bits of paper & various other interesting items ready for recycling…

“Gmahh” Heth…

Ganda Dave…

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Boxing Day with our friends Ju, Fran & their family, oh & a magic drum present that’ll drive mum & dad nuts…

But Ryan liked it, of course noisy stuff is always best…

Ooops, forgot Christmas Eve at Dave’s sisters where Ryan found himself a new girly friend. Thought he was onto something there, till someone mentioned the word NOSE…

So in an effort to please the audience, he poked his little friend here on the NOSE with his finger. No harm done even if he was off balance at the time…

In fact it was such good fun, a game of “find the nose” ensued with much clapping & laughter. So he hadn’t “blown it” (excuse puny pun)after all. But, unfortunately I wasn’t quick enough with the camera…

Well I always try to polish off a blog post on the same theme as it started, it doesn’t always work that way, because sometimes I just plain forget. This time I’ve remembered something I’ve forgotten(?) So, question of the day:

Can anybody remember a crappy joke from a Christmas Cracker, or a Cracking Christmas…? If so, answers on a postcard or even a comment. Personally I heard loads & can’t remember a one…

PS: Best joke wins a packet of half eaten crackers…

M6 Motorway Mayhem

2011-12-27T20:27:00.001Z

Driving back to the boat today, 100 miles took us over 4 hours!!! That’s Thelwall viaduct in the distance, 4 lanes – gridlocked.

So the Sat Nav kindly took us on a Disney Tour down the “A” roads --- thing is, so does everyone else’s…

Oh, & we had a Chinese meal last night with Liam, Maddy & Ryan, it tasted nice enough at the time, then we went to see some friends we don’t see very often. Great night, well half of it was, Dave was up during the early hours being sick, (& the other business)…

That must be what you get when you order an Indian curry from the only Chinese restaurant in town that’s open on Boxing Day. Thing is, I don’t like curry, so I had chicken flied lice…

By the time 6am dawned this morning, Dave was still running (excuse pun) back & forth to the loo, so I thought I was immune. But it’s been like a delayed reaction for me. We’re back at the boat all calm & serene now, but motorway mayhem is still ~~driving me nuts~~ driving my guts big style. Sadly even white wine won’t help. (As if). Thankfully the lurgy didn’t “get” anyone else…

All in all a rotten ~~egg~~ day then. When a friend heard about the traffic chaos, he mentioned it might’ve been quicker by boat, hmm…

Well. let’s put it this way, there must’ve been more stoppages on the M6 today than all of the canal system put together…

Well I was going to post loads of silly photos today, but..

2011-12-26T14:21:00.001Z

We forgot the blasted camera yesterday & left it at my mum & dad’s. No camera, no fun photos (obviously).

We’re staying at a hotel nearby for a couple of days so Dave brought the car here when we checked in yesterday. Liam followed in his car, & brought him back to the party so he could have a drink. (Complicated stuff as usual). Liam & Maddy were staying at my mum’s anyway. Hence us two ~~walked back~~ staggered back here around midnight…

Oh & that’s after playing the last silly game of the day, you know, the one where everyone forgets the rules, & generally makes it up to suit their own team. Altogether my parents catered for (I think it was) 11 humans & one dog, some achievement…

[Amendment: I was pickled when I originally wrote this, I’ve since been informed there were 13 humans & one dog]

We’ve done well here at the hotel too, we’re in an “executive room” for the same price as a standard one!! It’s all rather powsh old bean…

Boxing Day Special News: Well done to the Military Wives for their success, we’ve got a mountain of respect for what they’ve achieved for soldiers charities. Half a million copies sold in just one week.

AMAZING………………..

PS: What about all us “Military Mums” getting together?? Thing is if it’s going to involve singing, I’ll just have to tinkle the triangle in the background…

Something to make you smile this Christmas

2011-12-24T12:09:00.001Z

After his first time on a plane & his first steps on UK soil, Ryan goes fishing with mum & dad…

Sincere Merry Christmas & Happy New Year to all of you, from Heth & Dave…!

The start of Christmas

2011-12-23T13:27:00.001Z

We’re just about to set off to meet Liam, Maddy & baby Ryan at their hotel. We’ve checked online & her flight landed half an hour ago. We’ll take them all out for a meal tonight…

Liam’s had to drive from Lancashire to get to the airport & then back here to Derbyshire, unfortunately the airport is nowhere near there or here…! Hope they’re ok in this horrid weather & heavy traffic.

See ya later…

The stress test

2011-12-21T20:10:00.000Z

So with much nervous tension in the air we set off for a dumpout & to fill up with fuel this aft. Second attempt in 2 days – but would a new battery be enough…? Well the engine started first time & off we went. Honestly it’s like going for a day trip out from our mooring to the service area. There’s even a couple of 90 degree corners like on a Grand Prix circuit…

I love the challenge of throwing this boat about, sorta shows her who’s boss, well from a Captains best mate point of view. Smooth as a baby’s bottom, that’s the engine not me…

You’re honoured with this photo tha’ knows, there’s no make up on that face & can’t you just tell? I really couldn’t give a stuff about it while we’re at the marina, except if there’s visitors on the way – well that’s a whole different thing. And if it’s an impromptu visit, I get Dave to stall a bit while I get the Pollyfilla & face paint out, shhhh. Oh & then there’s one step beyond the security gates too…

Anyway, on a more serious note, the engine / battery / cooling system “stress test” revealed no problems with the fuel, we knew there wasn’t, because the central heating boiler wouldn’t have been working – it’s always been a fussy bugger…

I remember we once got the dregs from the fuel tank at the service station on the other marina which ran their tank dry! (If we’d known we would’ve waited). The dam boiler wouldn’t work for 3 days till we’d filled the tank with fresh stuff – like we’d tried to do in the first place. Dave checked out the quarter tank of fuel we had yesterday, which is still 100 litres, no sign of anything nasty, it’s fine…

So that leaves the thermostat for cooling the water problem, well it worked as it should today - Dave reckons it was a bit sticky after the journey by road…

We also should’ve known better about the battery, it’s the same one that’s been sat there in it’s nice little house since the boat was built & has lasted 4 years. So one cannot complain, however the biggest deal with this [problem no: 131313 since we got here] was the TIMING, as in date of re-launch…

Never a hint of an engine failure in the past, but after recent events & without sounding dramatic, one’s mind automatically jumps to “worst case scenario.” Thankfully it wasn’t, & she purred like a pussycat to & from the service area after being emptied from one (poo) tank & filled up in the other (fuel) tank. Phew. Even so, we’re going to get an engineer from the Isuzu service centre here to do a full engine service in January. Get the thermostat replaced if necessary, come to think of it – replace the darn thing anyway. Sorta makes you realise just how important a thermostat is on a boat’s engine, & that it’s kicking in when it’s supposed to…

Few more piccies…

Moored up at the service area, and…

The building she nearly clobbered into whilst being hoisted back in here at Mercia…

I’d just like to say a big thanks to “The Mop” (that’s Tony) for diagnosing correctly 2 different problems, except for the fuel being f*cked. On a different note, tell ya what chuck, it’s windy up in Lancs & people say it’s windy here – but it’s absolutely nothing in comparison. And it’s a lot warmer too, so get your ass down here mister…

PS: Liam went off up north yesterday to see his mates, that’s his friends from infants school!! He hardly sees them anymore because he’s based in Germany. His wife & baby Ryan arrive on Friday by plane. So he’s going to collect them & we’ll meet them all at the hotel they’re staying in (south Derby). Hugs all round…

So please can we look forward to Christmas now Please? Please?

Just another “minor” niggle to deal with

2011-12-20T16:57:00.000Z

I’m getting a bit fed up with the alarming phrase / question I keep hearing myself say, which is: “Oh please tell me this isn’t really happening?” We attempted to set off for our inaugural pumpout & weave our way around the marina this aft. It would’ve been a couple of firsts:

The first time a dumpout has been required since we got here.
The first self dumpout ~~we’ve~~ Dave’s used. Although he was taught well by the manager at the other marina, who left Dave to “do the business” (excuse) on several occasions.

But, there was also another “first” – the engine wouldn’t start… And in order to be able to carry out the first 2 firsts, the third first had to be working.

The Glow plugs were fine, then cough, splutter, nothing. The engine didn’t even try to turn. Now what I forgot to tell you was that when we got here & TT had been plonked in the water. Apart from all the damage inside the boat, the engine was reluctant to start. Just a minor thing in the grand scheme of shock & trauma at the mess inside…

It took Dave about 10 attempts to start her up “it’s just an air lock” he said, by that time I didn’t care because I was too upset. The engine had never let us down before, so it was like a miniscule thing at the time …

As we went round to our now ex “unhappy mooring” the engine sounded terrible, it’s usually really quiet. But we could both “feel the vibes” as it were, & it had nothing to do with sweet music…

By the time we got there the water temp was up at 100 degrees. (What?) So Dave killed the engine, & we pulled the stricken boat in with the ropes…

A few days later we moved round to our new & “happy mooring” here. The engine was reluctant to start & sounded loud again, but the water temp stayed normal. Dare we say all was well? Teething problems perhaps? We thought so – all down to being moved, shaken down the motorway & stirred back in the drink right…?

Nope, today there was nothing, except for the sound of the glow plugs & a couple of clicks. The engine didn’t even try to turn. So Dave went round to the Isuzu dealership here, & saw the heart-warming sign “CLOSED FOR CHRISTMAS” on the door. Marvellous, next on the list was Midland Chandlers, we suspected the starter battery was flat seeing as nothing was loose & contacts were intact. At times like this Stage 1 is all about diagnosis, so we got a new battery & ~~fitted it,~~ Dave fitted it…

Bingo, it worked, the engine started fine, but by this time we’d missed the window for a pumpout because it was going dark. So the “stress test” is set for tomorrow, & is a new battery the full answer or is there more to it…? Or am I getting paranoid…? Sod it, we’ve had enough – going out for a meal…

Thanks to my little mates on Farcebook for all your helpful comments. If I could research through everything on there, think I could build an engine & cure diesel bug forever. Well no, perhaps not…

Ten pins on TT

2011-12-19T18:04:00.001Z

Guess what Wii were doing last night…

That’s it luv, give it some welly…

Earlier on, after defrosting the ~~ice cube~~ car we took Liam to “The Cherry Tree” in Willington for a meal. I’m not sure I really like that place, it’s too vast, bland & impersonal for me. Even featureless?? And I know Christmas Decs should have no influence on judgement, but there’s not many to see, & those you do notice are well past their sell by date, to the point of scruffiness… And while we’re having a moan, last time I had their “medium” sirloin steak it arrived at the table a bit rare, so rare, it was cold on the edges. But, not one to make a fuss, (sometimes), I ate the middle bit, & call it faith in human nature I thought it must be a “one off…”

Last night, I opted for sirloin again, he he, got it covered, ask for “well done” & you get “medium.” Nope, when my plate of food was presented before me the remains of the steak looked like a piece of shoe leather – tasted like it too. Still not one to complain, I ate what I could before jaw ache set in…

The only big deal is that “The Cherry Tree” serves food all day (& from what I’ve seen most of the night). We’ve discovered that the smaller pubs round here have both character & charm --- but only start serving food at 6pm. Or finish serving food at 6pm on a Sunday. And guess which way round we’ve got it so far – live n’ learn…

At 2am this morning Dave & Liam had moved on to playing “silly golf” & it was silly, very silly, because by then they’d both consumed rather a lot of alcohol. Dave successfully managed to tee off heading for the wrong green twice - that’s the one behind him. Meantime Liam went through the whole course whilst out of bounds… I was knackered & really needed some sleep, but it was just too good to miss, which under the circumstances is a very appropriate & descriptive word with ref to performance…

This morning (well, afternoon) we all woke up feeling a bit fragile, & had no choice but to chill out for the rest of the day. Aye it’s hard work having fun well into the early hours…

Hidden Coincidences

2011-12-18T17:14:00.001Z

Now the thing is, as you probably know, we weren’t happy with the original mooring we had here, & have moved to another pier where we are happy, courtesy of the marina manager…

This left some of our friends here wondering where the hek we were. I kept Bruce & Sheila (nb Sanity Again) in suspenders about it. They regularly go for walks around the marina, so I left them playing a little game of “find the TT on your travels.” Then I read Bruce’s blog post for Thursday which went like this, imagine my surprise when I discovered they’d been but a few yards away. (Meantime I was sat on our settee in “back pain” agony). So quite by chance they found us…

Then there’s Steve & Lindsay on “Jenique” they knew we’d moved & were walking round the marina this aft, also playing the game of looking for TT. Coincidence again, I rang up at the same time to see if they wanted to come round. Answer: “Would you believe it, we’re looking for you right now?” So once they’d worked it out they came for a natter. They knew roughly were to look, but Steve had his binoculars out searching for a luxuree conserveratory made out of wood like on a Dutch barge. When in reality only the front screen is – wood that is. Hence the temporary mux ip. Which means that for different random reasons we’ve accidentally been ~~rumbled~~ stumbled upon twice in one week. It’s not like we were hiding in the first place of course, but it makes for a great version of “Hide & Seek.” And any confusion caused was all TT’s fault anyway…

Now just to make things even more complicated I wrote this blog post last week, which sorta sums up “our move from a crappy pier to a brill one.” Including how we noticed Steve & Lindsay’s boat on the next pier behind us (by pure chance again). We’d no idea they were there, even though we went round to see them on our very first visit here by car. [We’ve got a good excuse though, the perspective from the road around the marina is much different to when you’re sat floating on it…]

Hence the idea of building a footbridge across the relatively short distance “as the crow flies” between us. So we decided today that being as there’s supposed to be a sophisticated bridge being built here at the marina soon called “The Boardwalk.” Ours will be extremely unsophisticated & called “The Plank.” However, Steve came up with a great money-saving idea, Quote: “Well we’ll just buy a dinghy to share.” Brilliant, why didn’t I think of that…?

Hello son!

2011-12-17T16:59:00.001Z

Liam arrived here at about 9am this morning safe & sound {BIG HUGS} after driving all night from Germany. (Except whilst parked up on the ferry of course). And the rest of the journey we’re all familiar with. Well for some perhaps, but for us the sat nav knows better. Including Liam’s…

So he’s had a good sleep this aft, there was no need for us to creep about because he has his own natural earplugs built in. I think I sent him to sleep in the first place, when I got onto the subject of BW / CART (horse before) & the state of the locks up north. Only in the sense that it was one of the small reasons we moved, but it still sent him to sleep…

He’s woke up now, & we’re waiting for the chicken & potatoes to roast. Feast first, drinky poos later, & a game of Trivial Pursuit on the ~~Wee~~ Wii. Should be a laugh…!

Right that’s it for today, got too much catching up to do, not seen him since we went to Germany in August, so cheers & hic… :-O

I stood in front of the shower

2011-12-16T19:49:00.001Z

This morning, & wondered if it was at all possible, did I need water wings so I could do the hydro-therapy thing? But I was determined, so it had to happen however painful. And it was. Getting dressed afterwards was a nightmare – or a comedy whichever way… However there has been a significant improvement since so it was worth it, at least I can walk upright now instead of resembling a wobbly neanderthal…

Dave managed to do a whip round today, while I did anything that could be done while sat down, which wasn’t very much but never mind. Picking feathers out of a duck down pillow was about the highlight of the day. No,, I wasn’t doing that for fun, it hasn’t been used for a while & has sprouted ~~heathers~~ feathers since…

Turned out there wasn’t that much to do anyway because of the mess we had to clean up when we got here at Mercia. At the time it was an intensive clean up job because of all the broken glass. The good news is that it meant there was just a bit of hoovering for us Dave to do today. So bob’s yer uncle, we’re ready for Liam arriving on the car park sometime EARLY tomorrow morning…

Note: The word EARLY is in caps because we don’t normally do mornings – but he’s an exception to the rule…

Meantime, tonight we’re left wondering if his channel crossing will actually happen because of the weather. His wife Maddy & baby Ryan are arriving by plane on the 23rd. So we’ve booked them all into a hotel in Derby with a family room for a couple of days & then we’ll all go “up north” to my parents on Christmas day. That’s when it’s our turn to stay in a hotel, blimey it’s complicated – but worth it…!

I took some photos yesterday aft of our mooring at Mercia Marina, something we’ve noticed is that there’s a fair number of double moorings taken up by just one narrowboat - all over the marina…

So believe it or not there’s a narrowboat on either side of us – but with an empty mooring between on each side. Which means the sun streams through the windows, even in winter…

Very nice even if it’s bl**dy freezing outside…

Or it could be that they were all alerted to the fact that we were on our way round, & shuffled about a bit before we got there…

This is the gap that we get away with, anywhere, anyway…

View ahead of us…

Yep, think I like it here…

Back to the Christmas theme, stats & facts [on our travels] so far:

Christmas cards – CHECK, except for 2 who’ve moved, that’s the people not the cards….
Wrapping presents – CHECK, fully covered (excuse pun), got those fancy bag thingy’s to just plonk stuff in…
No of presents just realised forgot: 1…

Ah well, it’ll all ~~wrap up~~ come together in the end as they say…

Ouch Ouch OUCH!

2011-12-15T19:49:00.001Z

I’ve done a silly thing, after falling down those steps last week & walking away without a scratch, I moved a stool from under the breakfast bar yesterday & felt something go BOING in my back…

After spending all afternoon asleep in bed, here I am feeling like a total waste of space, so fed up I’ve even been watching boring football. You don’t feel the boredom above the pain…

And our son Liam is driving over from Germany tomorrow night, he’ll be here early on Saturday & I’ve got loads to do – but can hardly move. Poor lad he’ll have to drive through snow by the looks of things. At least there’s one advantage, he’s got his winter snow tyres on his car, not just any old tyres. They get a hefty fine over there if they don’t use them during winter. That’s how come Germany doesn’t grind to a halt after an inch of snow has fallen. They also have a far superior & dependable transport system in general, the railway network, bus network, even bicycles & monocycles are more ~~balanced~~ reliable…

Introducing snow tyres here just wouldn’t work though would it? It’s too late, people would say they can’t afford it. Yet if they had been introduced years ago, nobody would bat an eyelid. So which costs less?

Transport disruption, accidents & people not being able to get to work costing millions per day.
Or a Government subsidy for winter tyres on every car? There’s been several fatal accidents on the roads just these past couple of weeks, & we’re not up to the white stuff being everywhere yet.

Just a thought…

Anyway, back to yesterday's photo “wotsit” quiz thing, the answer is:

A kids fishing net – with a really thick pole, the top 4 inches of it was sticking up out of the water. We couldn’t work out how this “stick thing” was defying gravity & not moving with the water. So Dave went round to investigate & that’s what he caught with the (other) pole thing off the roof, not often you catch a fishing net with a pole(?) The net itself must’ve been embedded at the bottom, & unfortunately the whole thing got binned before I got chance to take a photo…

That’s what you call a hazard to your prop, well, this post started with pain so it’s going to end that way… Agghhh…

Festive cheer & a very mysterious object

2011-12-14T20:27:00.001Z

Thought it might be nice to deliver Christmas cards for everyone on the pier this aft. Well I had to use up the spare cards, I sort of over-estimated how many were required… Blimey that sounds awful, it really was done with Christmas cheer…

Subtle, not over the top of course…

Written inside was:

Happy Christmas

From Heather & Dave

“Takey Tezey”

Hallmark’s got nothing on that, & even though we’ve already been introduced to some folks, we still can’t remember their names. Turned out today we’d ALL forgotten each others names, so it’s not as embarrassing as it sounds…

Tell you what, considering how small this pier is, it has to be one of the most colourful. With Christmas lights everywhere, we’re on a par with Blackpool illuminations, ~~strike that~~, better than. In fact the whole marina is lit up with a colourful plethora of twinkly things. So many more than we’ve ever seen on any marina, apparently there’s a prize for best ~~tarted up~~ decorated boat…

It’s got to be the one with Santa, his sleigh & the reindeer(s) on the roof. Others have one or the other but not all three. The same boat has also got lights all round the edges, dangly lights in the cratch & another lot wrapped all round the swan neck. Must be visible from the Space Station…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On a different note: I found this today, so took a mystery photo, but what is it? I had no idea at the time. It’s the green thing you need to study carefully. (And being as it’s such a crap quality photo, that’s very difficult indeed), but it all adds to the excitement…

I’ve noticed Sue (nb No Problem) has been running a very interesting “wassat?” photo competition on her blog recently. So for copyright purposes this is the same but different, & it’s called “watsit?” Don’t worry Sue, I won’t steal your creativity, it’s just a “one off,” bit like me…

Settling in – the sequel

2011-12-13T20:17:00.001Z

There’s a “right place” for everyone here. We just didn’t get it “right for us” first time. Imagine walking down worn out steps towards the water with no lighting, (where I fell on my bum). Then, walking down to the end of 2 straight piers almost towards the middle of the marina. Whilst also having to deal with gale force winds & being surrounded by open water on both sides (nightmare). That might suit some folks, but not us. Hence yesterday’s second relocation, after the first relocation, since we left the previous location…

Also the numbers on that mooring were 12 & 13, that’s THIRTEEN, hmm…

So we sat outside in the lux con this morning surveying our new kingdom, when all of a sudden Dave says “Hang on a minute, that’s Steve’s boat over there isn’t it?” Naw says me, “he’s over th,,, hang on, that IS his boat.” After getting things in perspective we realised it was actually his pier & our eyes weren’t deceiving us after all. Thing is, we still can’t get our heads round what’s where (takes a while on here). We must’ve driven right past his boat (in ours) yesterday without us even realising. I wouldn’t care, but we’ve been round there before – in the car of course, so that’s my excuse for loss of bearings, or anything else for that matter…

Anyway, I don’t think Steve knows yet, (else he would’ve fired off onto our recent ex mooring by now). I’ve worked out that “as the crow flies” their bow is about 75 yards away from our back end. However going round there by car is a good quarter mile, which in effect means it would be quicker to go by boat, how often (or not) can you say that…?

Not to worry, I’ve come up with the answer that doesn’t involve walking on water or learning sign language at all. We’ll just build a nice foot bridge across from here to there & we’re sorted…

PS: I finally got my Christmas cards done last night, yes the Christmas spirit has arrived. The lights have been up on the roof for ages, (well a few days). But the spirit arrived a bit late due to too much farting about with important stuff that gives you brain-ache. And that’s just the cards…

PPS: Which reminds me, have you noticed what a mind numbingly frazzling experience writing Christmas cards is these days? If people split up, (which they do) it may require up to 2 cards to be dispatched to different addresses, as opposed to just the one. Which also means another address to take note of, & that’s provided they haven’t got bored & moved somewhere else in the meantime. Then there’s the “special cards,” it all started so well, till it came to grandchildren, I still haven’t found any “grandchild” cards, why? There’s lots of them about, that’s grandchildren not cards…

Tesco – you listening?

Mercia Marina Rocks

2011-12-12T20:43:00.001Z

Excellent service, we hated were we’d been put & I fell flat on my arse last night walking down the mile long pier, & before anyone assumes otherwise - yes I was sober… So today was decision time, we knew we’d find somewhere on here we were happy with, I mean it’s so vast there had to be, but could we find a widebeam mooring in the right place? Asking a lot & we knew it…

So this morning we went round with our map & found 2 excellent moorings, but when we went to the office they both had deposits on them. (I was gutted). Then the manager told us of a lovely little spot that we’d missed…

We went round to take a look at it, spoke to a few people on the pier & decided this was it, small pier, tucked away & out of the breeze with 60ft jetty’s. There’s some really nice folks around us, and we have a lovely view…

There’s a facility block close by (just for taking rubbish to the hidden bins in our case), plus there’s a recycling section. Why hidden? Well the facilities blocks look like swiss lodge cabins & the wheelie bins are out of sight & screened off. The car isn’t far away either, & another thing, there’s no need for massive car parks on here, they’re all just in little “one row” areas dotted here & there…

As the old saying goes: Seek & ye shall find.!

We were also overwhelmed when we got to our friendly little pier with the welcome we got, people came round to the boat to introduce themselves. And guess what, we’ve even got another Tilly just 2 boats down, except this one’s, well, he’s a he, rather than a she. But just as cute, sorta made himself at home on the back of the boat while we were chatting, (bless).

So I’m happy to report all is well at last, & we’ve found our new home – at last…

Bouncing back

2011-12-11T17:27:00.001Z

Got things in perspective now, takes a lot to ~~press~~ depress me, so yesterday was an exception. One thing though, we’re not keen on this mooring, it’s too isolated & the car is about 200 yards away! Get a vision of us teetering all that way down 2 piers (joined in the middle) on Thursday, with all the shopping, in that hurricane we had, & imagine…

As for the duck tape problem, here’s another little nugget of advice to share with you from Chris on Farcebook, Quote: “Meths,, if it don’t work drink it an’ you will believe its gone!! lol.” Excellent contribution there Chris… It’s the kind of helpful comment I’d offer – and have done on several occasions – and will continue to do so in the future…

However, I recognise methylated spirit is a downhill spiral that can quickly escalate out of control, so if I sip it slowly…

Thing is, this duck tape residue stuff is on the front screen of the luxury conserveratory & during the course of today, we’ve noticed that rain makes it disappear…???

Right we’re off out to the “Green Man” pub in Willington tonight for a meal. It will be interesting to find out if the landlord is indeed GREEN…

~~Willington~~ will let you know tomorrow…

Settling in?

2011-12-10T21:22:00.001Z

So we tried to remove duck tape residue off the boat today & gave up. It was used in transit to batten down the front screen – without battens as it were. Later on I posted my sticky situation on Farcebook & got some extremely helpful replies indeed. Except for Paul who just couldn’t help himself from throwing in “a flame thrower” as a solution – told him we’d try it tomorrow…

We’ve finally discovered where Bruce & Sheila (nb Sanity Again) & Barry & Sue (nb Adagio) are hiding. So now we all know that, no doubt they’ll be packing up their bags ready for a swift exit. In fact they’re probably making plans to run for the hills & vacate the area as we speak…

We also met the Pier Representative today, a very nice lady indeed, she came round for a natter & the mandatory cup of tea. [Good job we bought some new cups since we got here then] Tesco specials – if you bought a set of 4, you got 3 for the price of 2. If you bought a set of 6 you got 2 for the price of one. And if you just stood & thought about it without reaching for anything off the shelf, spontaneous combustion was imminent…

Anyway, after our little chat we were a bit disappointed to hear that the plans to start the pub / restaurant, shopping mall, swimming pool, spa, & gym have been delayed for so long, people are seriously doubting all the hype…

Turns out all the boaters want is a clubhouse, which is a great idea for social events, & they’ve been refused, several times…

Right, I’m off to help Dave sort out the “Top Up” TV problem – we haven’t got all the extra channels we pay for, & UK Gold (the best channel on TV) has disappeared too…

In fact nothing’s gone right since we got here really, our expectations are realistic, we’re under no illusions. But if there is a god GIVE US A FLIPPIN BREAK…

PS: Still not done the Christmas cards…

Changes

2011-12-09T20:30:00.001Z

So where was TT overnight…? The obvious clever answer would be “between the 2 marina’s somewhere.” Or “somewhere between Lancashire & Derbyshire.” Well yes, but one of our friends here told us she was actually delivered to Mercia Marina at about 4pm on the same day she was lifted out. So at least she was secure even if she was a mess inside…

Blimey, the driver must’ve had his foot down to get there before dark. First of all we were told he couldn’t drive any faster than 30 – 40 mph. Then he said he’d be doing up to 50mph, would that be with an emergency stop perhaps? Hmm I wonder…

Anyway the kitchen now looks like it should…

A far cry from what we found when we walked inside on Tuesday…

After we’d sorted all that out, we went off & found ourselves a nice pub for some grub, & an early night – FAST ASLEEP…

Since then we’ve spent the last couple of days running round doing sack loads of mundane stuff. And today we tarted up the boat with Christmas lights inside & out, she might be a tart, but she’s sophisticatedly subtle…

Right, so before I go off to write my Christmas cards out (the list has been slashed this year). Here’s a couple of photos I’d forgotten about…

First of all a pretty sunset photo I took yesterday from our mooring…

And secondly a pretty spectacular rainbow taken through the car window on the way down here, it’s not often you can see exactly where they touch the ground…

PS: Going along with the title of this blog post, I’ve changed my mind, can’t be assed doing them there Christmas cards now…

Hoisted back in at Mercia Marina

2011-12-08T20:52:00.001Z

It started off so well, Tuesday 6th December, there we were at 9am prompt, boat present, crane present, so as usual we were a bit late. Things hadn’t got off the ground as it were – so we didn’t miss anything. But it wasn’t all plain sailing (excuse pun). Up to this point we thought all was well, HA, read on, what a couple of fools…

Watch your head matey…

Lift & separate…

What the hell were they doing lifting a boat right next to that – in a wind…?

Dave’s reaction as she was swaying towards it. Just missed, but even so I was ready with the camera…

Second attempt…

And we have lift off…

Afloat again…!

But this is what we found in the kitchen when we went on board, we suspect it happened either when she was tipped up on a very odd angle the first time they attempted to lift her out. (Yesterday’s post). Or in transit, in terrible weather…

We were gutted, just like the kitchen, it was trashed & look how far the fridge freezer had moved…

Glass mixed in with food & broken pots everywhere, under the cupboards was totally jammed. One half of a jagged glass even ended up in the bedroom…!

So the first time we went on board at Mercia we were both in deep shock, but who’s fault was this? We asked the guy in the crane, “not our fault, must’ve been done in transit.” We didn’t even bother ringing the haulage company because they would’ve just blamed the crane driver(s). Wouldn’t care, but we’d packed everything away & taped doors / drawers up just like you’re supposed to…

Note: The crane hire covered insurance for lifting in & out, & the transport company covered insurance for transit. So they’re onto a great deal there between them aren’t they? No proof who’s to blame, so neither is responsible, & the customer has no come back…

In summary to this sorry tale, I’d advise anyone having a boat lifted out & moved somewhere else to check it after it’s put on the lorry. Sod elf & safety, get a ladder up there. Then check it again before it comes off the lorry. If there’s any damage at any time, take photos with a time stamp & sue their asses off…

And I won’t even show you the photo of our 3 door wardrobe that ended up across the bed. One of the doors is glass too, fortunately it’s intact, but Dave had to get help to put the whole thing back in place…

To be fair it was only when we got things in perspective later on, we realised it was all cosmetic. In the meantime I was in tears & spent the rest of the day removing bits of glass from every nook & cranny. Couldn’t be helped it got trodden through the whole boat…

On a positive note the marina is lovely & so is our mooring, but you know what, that day I never even noticed…

Like a fish out of water, a flying widebeamer

2011-12-07T17:59:00.001Z

Right, so we’re going back to Monday the 5th here, so much has happened since, I just haven’t been able to keep up…

Bye Bye mooring…

Wagon waiting before we got over to the hard standing – oops…

Then the flippin’ crane arrives before we were ready & sorted…

Putting the jig-saw crane bits together – they arrived on a separate wagon…!

Bloody hell, get it straight – at this point we were shouting STOP STOP STOP…!

Front strap further forward please…

That’s better…

Right, go for it…

Byeee…

I’d just like to thank all our friends & even family who turned up to watch in a bitter cold wind, with rain & sleet thrown in. It was a tearful goodbye as we set off for the hotel. Meanwhile TT was setting off on her own journey for an overnight stay somewhere. [Apparently they can’t drive a lorry in the dark with a boat plonked on it, which sorta makes sense] But we forgot to ask where was this unknown destination, & the driver forgot to tell us. Hmm…

Oh No! We’ve now got snow to deal with too!

2011-12-04T16:20:00.001Z

So where did that come from? I mean is a perfectly placed gale force wind not enough? Come on then great weather god in the sky, BRING IT ON we can take it, why don’t you just throw a tornado in there too? (Incredulous, inane, defeated laugh). I mean I knew it was going to be bad, remember folks it’s us 2 we’re on about here, but this…?

And we thought ICE would be a problem, turns out it’s the only meteorological hazard not making an appearance, barring an asteroid storm. So basically we’re both “brickin” it as they say, init…?

I gave the place a good clean this aft, save me doing it ~~when~~ IF we get to Mercia…

And there’s a big “send off” at the pub tonight. So the six of us spectacularly stupendous silly buggers here are going there for a meal first, & other folks from the marina are calling in for a drink later… Yo Ho Ho & a bottle o’ rum. So the invite’s on the table, best bib n’ tucker only mind…

Short post today – just too much to do…

Getting down to the business end of things

2011-12-03T17:00:00.001Z

We went round to the ~~dumpout palace~~ pumpout palace for the last time today, (well here, that is). It was a very ~~sloppy~~ soppy affair in all the wind & rain…

People say things happen in threes, I mean in the last few days the toilet still won’t flush proper, that tap’s still dripping & the shower needs a new spray thingy…

Today however, before we set off in 20mph gusts, Dave banged his head on the hatch cover while carrying a handful of stuff up the stairs, & totally misjudged it. Then he went to undo the bow ropes & nearly fell in, it was a close thing, slip, flip, & there he was, one foot on the very edge of the jetty dangerously teetering away. (You’ve been framed moment). The drama only lasted a couple of seconds, but time seemed to stand still – as did Dave. Even so, the “things in threes thing” never entered my head till we set off, & THEN we remembered the electricity cable was still plugged in to the shore, ooops. Nearly brought the pier with us…

Anyway, since then I’ve been busy packing up me knick knacks, & believe me, even though I’m into the “minimalist look,” there’s lots of them:

There’s these…

And these…

And these tiny shells, imagine them falling in your knicker drawer, or anywhere else for that matter…

Then there’s this…

And this…

And these from the luxury conserveratory…

And these…

So all this lot (& more) is now ~~mothballed~~ bubble wrapped & sat in 3 boxes…

And this here will have to be laid flat on the floor on the day…

Well look at that, the stock market’s on the up – must be an optical illusion…

So with one day left, what should I do tomorrow? Spend a day of quiet contemplation, or alternatively, spend the day boat cleansing? I’m desperately trying to refrain from the latter, but it’s ~~polish & glow~~ touch & go…

You remember my forecast for the weather forecast?

2011-12-02T18:52:00.001Z

Well after being thoroughly reassured by several folks that it’s going to calm down next week, it is with great regret I have to announce that the hurricane I predicted was right. I should’ve put a few bets on, could’ve covered the cost…

When we checked it out online today our jaws dropped in shock when we saw the wind speed for Monday will be TWENTY SEVEN mph, I said TWENTY SEVEN… Which means 30mph round here. Makes my stomach churn just thinking about it…

Proof here, damit, no more speculation required. Notice how it’s by far the worst of the 5 day forecast. I mean even 20 miles an hour on Saturday would’ve been a slight breeze in comparison…

On a personal note, it’s not like we go round looking for drama – it just seems to follow us around. Or even precede us of it’s own accord. As you probably know, it’s that word PLAN that sets the ball rolling downhill. In fact come to think of it a plan doesn’t even have to be in the making at all…

As I’ve said to the folks at Mercia Marina, “just watch for a boat going in with the crane toppling in on top of it – that’ll be the one.”

The final countdown

2011-12-01T20:22:00.001Z

4 nights & 3 days to go, & each day is running into another. Makes me feel like I’m losing track, nah a glass of wine at the end of the day puts it all in perspective…!

Here’s a little ditty I composed earlier:

“Tying up loose ends is a chore, but each box ticked is a score.”

Good eh…?

And today’s reminder of how fast time is moving on…

We’ve really enjoyed ourselves here, Mark’s a great guy, the marina’s a beautiful place to be, & the people here are luverly. Blimey, I’m talking myself out of it here, nope, too late now, it’s official…!

A new opportunity has arisen, & it’s time for us to move on. We’re not running away from anything – we’re running towards something new…

The beginning of the end

2011-11-30T21:51:00.001Z

Last night at our final pub quiz with our closest, daftest, dearest friends, we’ll miss them all so much…

TT Trickery

2011-11-29T19:04:00.001Z

Has presented us with another watery problem…

I’ve already mentioned the 2 inconveniences that have only manifested themselves since “the floating palace” heard us talking about the move… We have the toilet that won’t flush, unless you press the button about 10 times, & the dripping tap…

So seeing as it’s all about the bathroom I gave the shower a dam good talking to the other day. And it repaid me this afternoon by getting stuck on the ~~jet setter~~ jets setting. Just the one was available for use, the rest were on strike (relevant word there), & try as I might it wouldn’t budge. Dave wasn’t here to come to the rescue, hence I ended up contending with a jet of water firing itself at me with all the force of a water cannon… Funny ha ha…

Meantime, notice how the weather is nicely building itself up to a gale force crescendo ready for Monday…? There’s trees, rooftops & fences flying about all over the place here, & they’re saying it’s going to get worse, just marvellous that…

And to think we were worried about {ICE} never even considered a hurricane, this is a whole other thing. Dave keeps trying to reassure me that “it’ll have blown itself out by weekend.” Ha! They’re stacking up out in the Atlantic, a bit like planes do for airports, oops, won’t be many of them up there tomorrow…

It’s all a wind up whichever way you look at it…

Thought of the day

2011-11-28T20:50:00.001Z

Direct Debits are much easier to set up than cancel…

And we all know why, “Bring the money in” (easy) “but don’t lose it, in fact make it nigh on impossible for the consumer to break free.”

Right now we’re at the stage whereby we just begin to think we are free, then there’s more phone calls tying up loose ends. Thing is those same phone calls create even MORE blasted phone calls…

Sorry there’s not much else to say about today, except that I won’t be using my phone for about another 3 weeks because I used up my usual quota for that length of time this morning…

Firstly there’s the ring it over & over again number, go through 1000 options & choose the wrong one. (1000 times). Please let me speak to a human being…?

Then there’s the runner up, 2 hours of messing about online & phone calls, even then you’ve to fill in a printed off form & send via snail mail…

Then in third place there’s “the dud phone number,” it’s 0800 which is supposed to be free (ha), those words “this call will be charged at blah blah pence per min” then nothing. The line just goes dead, & it’s real important, so you find another phone number online & guess what, you get told “This is the wrong number, please ring [same dud number]” Chasing your tale, it’s a dead line again (25th time – no kidding on 2 different phones). So you go back to the human one & calmly let them know, “the other number you gave me doesn’t frigging work so we’re using this one, end of.” The operator gave in, even then there was a problem that entails another phone call on Wednesday…

Oh, & it gets better, just to put the tin hat on things, Dave’s number is the contact number for most things (mainly because it’s the only one we can both remember) & it’s suddenly decided to play up big style. Communication is everything, but not when “operatives” don’t want to know & your phone’s f*cked up, why NOW…?

Well it had to happen sooner or later

2011-11-27T15:35:00.001Z

I know it’s traditional that a mutiny is usually caused by humans, but as you probably know, on this boat it’s actually the other way round. “Mutiny on the Bounty” has nothing on this…

Yesterday afternoon sometime I pushed the flush button on the toilet & nothing happened, so I tried again 5 times before it actually did what I’d told it to. When I mentioned it to Dave he said he’d already noticed it was going ~~mental~~ temperamental. And calmly added that he’d sort it when we get to Mercia. But what if it dies completely in the meantime? It’s most inconvenient (excuse pun) & the timing is spot on…

One of the fancy taps (that won’t come to bits) in the bathroom has sprung a leak too, so it appears that the rebel TT is starting in there first. It’s keep hearing those words “she’s being hauled out the water & plonked on the back of a wagon” that’s done it. So she’s starting off with sabotaging anything that’s got something to do with water…

Anyway, we were sat out back before & we suddenly got talking about all the things we’ll have to remove from outside the boat while it’s in transit. It’s only when you think about it you realise how much stuff there is:

The luxury conservatory will have to be folded back with the stainless steel supports & strapped together a bit more securely than when we go out.
The front screen will have to be folded forward like we do when we go out. Thing is, under normal circumstances there’s no need to securely attach it when we’re just tootling along at 4 miles an hour. I mean its not like it creates a slipstream with the power to rip it off it’s hinges or smash you in the face. But that too will have to be “fixed” in place & strapped down securely – SOMEHOW.
Then there’s 4 chairs from out there, a table & more to be stowed away.
Remove the chimley
Remove poles (well that’s obvious)
Remove fenders
Remove middle ropes, plus 2 from bow, plus 2 from stern, plus 2 thick ropes with clips front & back

Then after discussing all that I heard “I’ll have to clean me mushrooms too.” What made him think of that? Because he reckons they’ll stand out like a sore thumb. And he’s probably right…

PS: Curry night was fantastic, but I forgot to take any colourful photos of the highly colourful food. There was almost enough to feed the whole marina…

What, already?

2011-11-26T16:33:00.001Z

I’ve noticed the past few years that the stroke of midnight on Halloween heralds the start of Christmas in the shops… It’s no wonder some people get carried away by it, us not being 2 of them…

Even the Christmas lights are up in towns across the land already, although in Burscough there’s only one side of the road lights up. Perhaps it’s council cutbacks.

“Put them all up on both sides, but we can only afford to light up the one - nobody will notice.”

Maybe it’s interchangeable too, during the week it’s the right, at weekends it’s the left. Or just to make it more exciting light up right then left on alternate nights…

The reason why I’m telling you this is because I went round the corner to the hairdressers this aft - another thing ticked off the list of “things to do before you leave.” The woman next door to me never shut up about EVERY aspect of Christmas, & how organised she was. She made it sound like some kind of competition & she’d won. I mean the poor woman didn’t even stop for breath between sentences. It crossed my mind (several times) that she must’ve been on steroids…

Anyway, as my hairdresser was getting ready to finish the job she asked me if I wanted my hair blow dried “with body” (that’s bounce) or straight. I went for the bouncy option, it’s ages since I had curls, & it looked beautiful – till I walked outside & realised how heavy the rain was. I got back to the boat looking like a drowned rat with steam ironed hair. Talking of the weather, have you noticed how it’s nicely blowing up into a tempest? It’s the build up to Monday 5th…

Just out of interest, I asked Dave what he was buying me for Christmas?

Answer: 2 big cranes & a lorry….

And the partying begins

2011-11-25T19:07:00.001Z

See, our friends round here are ~~so glad to get shut of us~~ so happy for us, the partying began last week…

Last Thursday we got taken out bowling, then for a meal & then for a drinky poos at the local yokel pub before staggering back to the marina…

Here’s Liz doing the biz at the bowling alley…

And that was when my smart phone’s battery died, typical…

Last Saturday was a birthday meal for another friend of ours…

Check out them 2 daft buggers on the left…

Smart phone back online…

Then there’s last Tuesdays pub quiz whereby we came joint third…

Checkout the drinks cabinet…

And spent all our winnings on this lot because the jackpot had to go…

Needless to say, none of those numbers came up…

Ah well, tomorrow night is “curry night,” all cooked on other folks’ boats, & carried round to the TT restaurant - for a HOT night in. Could be a bit smelly on here but never mind, we’re worth it… HA…!

Insider info

2011-11-24T16:07:00.001Z

In response to yesterdays comments & questions, I’ve done a blog post because I couldn’t fit this lot in a comment thingy, so:

Hi Kev, Brian, Bruce, Sheila, Alan, Sue, Steve & co…

ETA at Mercia Marina is 9am Tuesday 6th Dec - that’s even though the boat leaves here on the 5th Dec around noon. (Which in reality probably means about 4pm when it’s going dark, & too late to go anywhere). As for what’s going on, where we’ll be when or where the boat will be when, at any given time during that 24 hour window, god only knows…

Let’s put it this way, give her a wave (& a wide berth) if you’re on the M6 between junctions 27 – 15 on the Monday. And then by Tuesday we’re totally dependant on the Sat Nav. Brian if you say it needs to go on the A50 to get to Mercia, I won’t dispute that because I haven’t got a clue. And just to complicate things we’re staying in a hotel the other side of Burton overnight…

Anyway, for a small fee I can get you all a sitting seat on the grandstand (tier 2). Unfortunately all tickets allocated for the penthouse box sold out within a couple of hours. But burger & chips will be served with plastic bread, free of charge for us plebs…

I suspect her majesty & co got in there up top first. I’ve noticed her knees have gone recently. It was descending the steps off the royal plane in Aussie land that gave it away. She even got a round of applause for making it down in one piece without falling ass over tit. (PR nightmare). I mean they could’ve attached a stair lift for goodness sake. Which means, being as we take great pride in elf & safety in this country, we'll also have to use the crane to hoist her royal highness up on high & into the Royal box as it were. I’ve got a nice bath towel somewhere on here that’ll make a great ~~swing~~ sling…

And on a different note my condolences go out to the haulage company, I'm sure they know what they're doing - thing is so does the boat. So perhaps they don't realise what they're taking on in terms of potential sabotage TT style…

Therefore touchdown depends on several things:
a) The boat doesn't discover a preference for dry land on the way down & falls off the wagon deliberately (hic).
b) The boat likes the 5 star storage ~~motel~~ depot overnight. Bless us & save us if it’s not up to standard. Which reminds me, we don’t even know where the darn place is yet, hmm…

And I must remind the driver not to ~~break~~ brake suddenly else he could end up with a bow up his ass…

A little story: When we said the name of the boat to someone yesterday we got told that they knew of a boat called “Take it Easy.” Just as I was telling him it’s notorious, he said it was spelt different. Apparently the guy who owns (the other one) poked one of his eyes out at work, & as he was leaving hospital the doctor told him to Take it Easy, hence the name of his boat…

An open & shut case then…

PS: Hope his boat lives up to its name better than ours does…

We’ve got a date!!!

2011-11-23T20:58:00.001Z

I said we’ve got a date!!! But it’s complicated, (& that figures), we always end up being unique, even when we don’t want to be. But there ya go nothing’s ever eezy when it’s got anything to do with our boat - fortunately we’re used to it now, well, sometimes…

So TT is being craned out of this marina on Monday 5th December & craned into Mercia Marina on Tuesday 6th December. Work that out…

In fact, this must be the only boat I can think of that’s come out of the water on one day, only to arrive at the destination point the next day – deliberately. Signed sealed and delivered, with an overnight stop in a ~~motel~~ wagon depot… Why? Because there was a conflict of ~~interest~~ dates with the lorry. Hence the arrival time has been delayed & they aren’t allowed to drive a wagon carrying a boat in the dark. Which sorta makes sense in an elf & safety way – especially when it’s your boat…

Meanwhile today’s been a nightmare, have you ever tried coordinating 2 massive cranes, a lorry, & output / input from one marina to another at the same time? Makes the old saying piss up in a brewery sound like a walk in the park…

So tickets for the 6th December “gig” at Mercia are now available from takeytezeyboatjettydotcom. 9am sharp at the venue…

We’ve also hired a grandstand (also to be craned in the day before) & a brass band (also to be craned in the day before). After all a perch in the trumpet is worth 2 in a trombone…

Anyway back to the seating arrangements, the tickets come in 3 different flavours:

The bottom tier = Standing room only

The middle tier = Sitting room only

The top tier = The penthouse box with cucumber drinks & champagne butties

Right, well I’m off to book a hotel for the 5th Dec, seeing as they won’t let us stay aboard the boat (while it’s staying aboard a lorry overnight), & I’m certainly not sleeping in the car. In fact on that particular night I won’t be able to sleep anywhere, neither of us will…

S-T-R-E-S-S

2011-11-22T19:18:00.001Z

Or:

Seriously

Troubling

Entailing

Some

Sortingout

What is it about crane companies? I mean we’ve been juggling about 6 (in)different ones over the past couple of days, & none of them seem to want the work…

I know that with such a big thing (literally) we’ve got to look at all the options. The price of the crane at Mercia is acceptable, but HERE? The darn thing must be encrusted with diamonds…

So we asked for a quote from another company based just a couple of miles away, the price sounds reasonable, they were supposed to get back to us later today & we’ve heard nothing. A safety survey has to be done first, which is the norm. Sounds like they know what they’re doing eh?

But I’ve got a bad feeling about it, I mean Dave mentioned the weight of the boat needing a 60 ton or is it tonnes (?) crane. Either way, what they didn’t seem too savvy about was the fact that a widebeam not only requires a bigger crane, it has to have the steel beam thingy up near the top, & the straps have to be stronger & W-I-D-E-R…

Here’s a photo of TT being dumped in the water for the first time…

Those straps hook up to the steel beam thingy which ~~dangles~~ hangs a fair way down from the top of the crane…

So do we pay less & go with the (potentially) cheap n’ uncheerful version, or do we pay more & go with the diamonds…?

The Boaters Manifesto

2011-11-21T16:38:00.001Z

Me little mate Graham on Farcebook asked me to put a link to The Boaters Manifesto on my blog & I’m happy to do so…

What’s it all about? Peter Underwood kindly compiled it on behalf of all boaters on the Canal And Rivers. British Waterways will soon be defunct, & on 01/04/2012 will be taken over by the Canal and River Trust (CaRT) as a charitable status…

Many boaters have questioned how this new fledgling Trust is going to contend with a canal system in decline & a huge funding shortage. Sometimes anger spilled over in discussions on Waterscape & other boating groups. Peter has taken the points made, diluted the frustration & produced a concise collection of concerns for the new trustees to consider…

IMHO the new trustees will have to take this seriously, they will need help & support even if they don’t acknowledge that yet. Boaters & their knowledge will most likely turn into a support system for the trustees when they “hit the ground running” & trip up…

The Boaters Manifesto considers the following issues:

Why the Canal and River Trust should listen to boaters
Maintenance of navigation
A complete overhaul of executive management pay & bonuses (a real bone of contention)
Fairness re: moorings
Management of towpaths, how they are used & by whom
Will CaRT trustees be open & honest with us boaters? (The opposite of BW management)
Liveaboards & residential moorings, so far rules & regs have been very confusing & contradictory

So if you’re a boater & don’t know about any of this, please have a read of it here & show your support…? I’m going to add a permanent link to the Boaters Manifesto in the “Useful Watery Websites” section of my blog…

Somewhere round here:

<<<------------------------------------

Meanwhile, today’s been a research day, re; new dentist, doctors, chemist, blah blah… All very helpful, but very boring at the same time…

It’s all coming together now

2011-11-20T16:49:00.001Z

No, I shouldn’t say that should I? Too late…

With ref to the “To Do” list I blogged about the other day. Bill couldn’t make it to service the boiler, but it’s a good job really because we’d never have got everything done otherwise…

I’ve found myself beginning to lose track of what day it is, & the fact that my watch has broke doesn’t help. Especially when I used the alarm clock as a ticker & it lied to me. There I was thinking I had an extra 40 minutes to get ready for the birthday meal last night – turned out to be more like 10…

This is the bit where you’re supposed to get a vision of me stood amidst last nights selection of clothing. Each item deliberately conspired to get me all tangled up in knots & it worked. Somehow I even managed to put my dress on back to front, the air was blue…

“More haste less speed” as me mother would say.

After all the hard work & running round earlier, we somehow made it to the ~~church~~ pub on time & the meal was lovely. Another great night, & another great hangover today…

I also had a rather strange dream whilst in the land of nod last night. Turned out the bottom of the boat had to be dried out before it could go on the lorry, so they placed it in a nearby field first. That’s as far as it went (literally) because I woke up… If anyone out there is good at interpreting dreams, please let me know what that means, (it rhymes). Alternatively just call me weird – I do…

The only thing holding us back at the moment is organising cranes, obviously there’s a crane required at this end to put TT in a field for an hour or 2, then onto the lorry. There’s also another crane required at Mercia to ~~dangle,~~ ~~drop,~~ ~~plop,~~ ~~plonk,~~ place her gently in the water…

Warning to oneself: One or more of the words in the sentence above could come back to haunt me, & may have to be repeated sometime in the near future…

So we’ve got several crane companies in a bidding war at the moment (one of which we’re still waiting for a quote from). Perhaps a wheel’s dropped off their bestest boat crane or something…

Then there’s another company suddenly appeared amidst the confusion & given it all a good stir by pricing up the cheaper option. Which involves putting TT in at a boatyard somewhere near Mercia, & driving it round to the marina for us! How weird is that? Must all be part of the service for insurance purposes otherwise known as cover your own ass purposes…

All I want is a date for the big day, then I can inform the palace when to wheel out her majesty & the corgi’s for the big farewell. And the local brass band needs booking in advance – that’s so they get plenty of notice re; dusting off their trumpets & polishing their boots…

Disorganised chaos

2011-11-18T21:14:00.001Z

And a frazzled brain. We’re totally aware of what we’re up against in order to get this boat moving (on dry land) in the next 3 weeks or so. But other things seem to crop up out of the blue. It’s like, why didn’t this happen last week? Why did it wait till now to get in the dam way? Yesterday I noticed £146.00 had gone out of my bank account, to who? Vodafone…

This is the same Vodafone that gave me a not so smartphone with a knackered camera (since been rectified).

There were several reasons for this, none of them justifiable:

Early September I rang up to cancel the contract on my old phone & got told the next bill would be the last...
Late September I rang up to cancel the contract on my old phone, what again? Yes, because the first time the dimwit on the end of the line either fell asleep after my phone call, during it, or even beforehand…
Turns out for 2 months worth of bills I’ve been paying for a phone that doesn’t work anymore, along with the new one that does…
The new one is on the right tariff – just charged at the wrong price, a fun filled snip at only £15.00 more per month than the one I signed up to…
After paying extra on the old phone to make cheaper calls to our son’s family in Germany, it’s been charging me £1 per minute rather than 16p…
And when I went online to check out my account it logged me in & displayed “ACCOUNT SUSPENDED” on screen. Might’ve been SUSPENDED but didn’t stop them OVERCHARGING me…

So after re-creating my account, (not easy because it thought I was logged in anyway). I then spent the next 4 hours wading through 3 months worth of bank statements, & matching them with Vodafone’s over inflated idea of a bill for 2 phones, one of which is dead as a doornail & has been for 2 months… I know, I know, it’s complicated & I could’ve spent my time more productively, but this had to be sorted…

Heth rings up guns blazing & raring to go. After waiting half an hour in a queue to speak to a “representative” I got passed round 3 different numbskulls, none of whom had a clue. In fact I think the 3rd one was on drugs, he got so tied up in knots with 3 months worth of tangled mess, he gave up & offered me a refund of £30. “Not good enough” says me. “Ah well alright then, call it £50” says the drug addict. “Not good enough, what about me being overcharged every month by £15 when my written contract says different?” This was the point at which he gave up & said he’d pass me onto his manager via email. What? Put him on now. “Yes it’s ok he’ll ring you back in 24 hours.” Just as I was spitting out the words “well we both know that won’t hap…” the phone was cut off… (He probably doesn’t know how to send an email anyway).

So after faffing about all day, we finally got round to the 6 of us going out to the bowling alley / Nando’s for a meal / back to the local pub (playing charades, but by that time the rules were a bit vague, & the questions were plain confusing). Oh & guess who lost 2 games of 10 pin bowling? It started off so promising, with a strike, then all went downhill from there, fast. I’m sure there was a slant on that lane… Oh & I took the smartphone with me because hey I can take photos with it now (wow). It would provide a great record of a great night out, took it out my handbag when we got there & the battery was flat as a pancake……….

Today, the 24 hour deadline for the Vodafone manager to ring me back passed as predicted, so I rang them, & got passed round again. But way hey, this time one of the mindless plebs said “let me pass you on to my manager” by ~~email~~ phone there & then. What an honour, what a privilege…! So as I conveyed my 3 month long ordeal - by this time recited word for word. She sort of understood, in fact I think she fully understood & even tried leading me up the garden path… By this time, to be honest, I’d had enough, accepted a £30 refund & gave up. One can only take so much crap. Apparently it was my fault for not paying extra for cheap international calls on my old phone – thing is I did. But trying to prove all this would take months in itself, it just isn’t worth the hassle…

Needless to say I’ve added the cheap international calls thingy to my new phone, the charge for the “plan” is now correct, & because a manager set it up, it’s going to work right? I mean won’t it? We shall see, I’ll be keeping a watchful eye on Vodafone direct debits from now on…

PS: With 1 gig of Wi-Fi per month, 100 minutes, 500 texts & 250Mb mobile internet I hadn’t overstepped the mark that way…

But there’s one thing I have discovered, one months notice of cancellation is understandable because of the previous months usage. So excuse me for sounding thick, but in this digital age why can’t they just switch the phone off within 24 hours & bill whatever’s been used? Oh silly me, they’d miss out on the service charge. And the ultimate insult, when you by a new phone from the same service provider why can’t that service charge be merged for the first month? You still with this? I’m losing it, so I’ll shut up…

So on a different note, tomorrow’s schedule is as follows:

Billy comes round to service the boiler
Try & have a shower but there won’t be time
Go for a pumpout
Try & have a shower but there won’t be time
Go to the house to sort out some furniture
Try & have a shower but there won’t be time
More phone calls & paperwork to sort (not Vodafone)
Try & have a shower & there’ll have to be time
Because,, we’re going to a friend’s birthday meal at the pub at 6pm

Flippin hek I’m knackered just writing that lot. And what’s your betting the 24 hour V (up yours) manager who can’t tell the time, will ring up with yet another explanation for something I really could give a dam about anymore…? Missed the boat matey…

Have I got news for you!

2011-11-16T20:24:00.001Z

You know all that waiting & “being patient” (Ha), that I’ve been moaning about? We found out yesterday that all systems are GO! And the shroud of secrecy that went with it? Well it was circumstances that dictated timing, (don’t ask) those circumstances have now changed completely. Later on we ended up with an impromptu afternoon champagne party for 6 of us on the back of the boat! [I’d bought 2 bottles ages ago for JIC] It was a celebration that our plans are finally going to happen – even if they don’t work out right, (?) remember it’s Heth & Dave we’re on about here. But even so, what a difference a day makes…!

We went round Mercia Marina on Sunday looking for a mooring, we found one & the marina is gorgeous. We met up with the crew of Widebeam Jenique & stayed for a couple of hours just chatting. Afterwards we went back to the office, said which mooring we’d like, but alas, because of the “dictated timing” thing I’ve mentioned, we couldn’t put down a deposit & came away feeling deflated… Even so, I couldn’t curb my enthusiasm & wrote a blog post about it. Then I had to take it down because it felt like I’d got carried away, getting ahead of myself. (Sorry about the broken link). Just before I deleted that post I got a message from Barry & Sue on nb Adagio letting me know they’re at Mercia over winter…!

So things are moving fast, they have to before we get iced in, says she with lack of optimism…

Back down to earth today & we’ve had to hit the ground running because there’s so much to do in such a short space of time & practicalities rule the waves. We can’t leave the move till after the first week in Dec because we could well be iced in. So today we paid the deposit on the mooring at Mercia – no going back now…!

Dave’s also in the process of arranging cranes & a lorry. Then there’s all the boring stuff like doctors, dentists & all that kind of thing – no they aren’t going on the lorry…

When we found out all this was possible & we could go ahead with everything, Dave got the phone call that changed our lives. But he was out at the time, so when he got back here he kept a straight face & told me the score. Don’t know how he did that, but I do know we ended up with arms round each other jumping up & down whilst crying with relief, yes really…

After the champagne party we all went down the pub. Our friends have also arranged to take us bowling tomorrow, a meal afterwards, & back to the pub for a drinky poos (again). Then another one of our friends is having a birthday meal / party on Saturday night & we’re going to that too. Hang on, did I mention practicalities earlier…? Well fun comes first, & we’ll miss them all sooooo much, it’s also really heart-warming that they’re so happy for us. We’ve had a great time at this marina. But when it’s time to move on, & it feels right, then go for it…

By the way, I couldn’t get any photos of Mercia because the camera on my smartphone stopped working! I mean that was one of the reasons I’d bought the dam thing. Anyway the good news is someone reset it for me when we got back here & saved all my files at the same time – must learn how to do that before we go. So it’s now working again, till I drop it in the canal – or throw it in…

The waiting isn’t over till it’s over, but it is now…

For soldiers everywhere, past & present

2011-11-13T10:53:00.001Z

We might be going round a marina today, but we will not forget.

As parents of a soldier its hard to deal with the fact that our own son is doing a remembrance parade in Germany where he’s based, without us lining the streets cheering his troop on. Crying while I’m writing this…

They’ve just done an interview on TV now with the parents of a soldier who died that our son knew, still crying…

We’re with you in our hearts son as you proudly parade, head held high in a place where no-one comes outside to pay their respect. No offence to any Germans, they like the Brits, but they’re apathetic about the war in Afghanistan. We all hate the war in Afghan but even so, we openly show MASSIVE respect for our troops…

WHAT is it about me & cameras?

2011-11-12T16:57:00.001Z

Went to see what will hopefully be our new home today. (That’s for me, D & TT). Tried taking a load of piccies, & was going to post them on here, play a little game & see if you could guess where…

But my new not so smartphone has decided not to take any photos. I mean that’s one of the reasons why I bought the dam thing in the first place. So it’ll double up as a camera – till it drops in the canal – or gets thrown in…

We’re going back there tomorrow - before we set off back to where we don’t really want to be anymore. Blah…

Right, I’m off to sort that camera out & try to get the little icon thingy working again. PRESS, NO CLICK, dam thing…

Will have to go, Wi-Fi signal’s a bit crap, I’m “borrowing” it free from the pub next door. But shhh, don’t tell anyone. The hotel Wi-Fi is £3.50 an hour so they can sod off…!

Roaming Update

2011-11-11T17:11:00.001Z

We’re at a very nice hotel with lovely views out of the (2) windows. Being here has made me realise how boringly flat large parts of Lancashire are…

View from the (2) windows, taken with the new smartphone…

Got a bit of reflection on these two, not bad through a window though…

The very pretty beer garden…

Anyway, we’ve looked at a couple of places so far, not been to the marina yet, that’s on the agenda for Sunday… If I sound a bit dull, I’m not, there’s just such a lot to think about…!

Right, that’s it we’re off to the very nice pub now so we can get a free starter before the 6.30pm deadline – garlic mushrooms me thinks…

The words “very nice” keep appearing in this post, & I’m only talking about a hotel & a pub. It’s also about where we are though, hmm, where could that be…?

Sat on me suitcase

2011-11-09T20:08:00.001Z

Well, we dug one of the suitcases out this aft, & brought it into the light of day ready to throw stuff in.

I suspect Tilly thought she was coming with us…

However, “chucking stuff in” willy nilly isn’t an option because as you may already know, it has to be all lastminutedotcom for me, else I forget things, lots of things. So it isn’t worth even pretending that there’s some kind of organisation involved, even with a list, being a bit previous still doesn’t work…

So we’re (almost) set for tomorrow, going to the hotel & spending 3 days looking round for pastures new for the TT crew…

Wish us well – with our luck, we’re going to need it… See ya tomorrow, somewhere in England, not too far from a canal…

Stanley Dock Refurbishment

2011-11-08T16:54:00.001Z

Good news for the North Liverpool area, it was announced the other day that Stanley Dock is to get a major facelift. Paid for by developers – well it must be worth doing then…

Bit of history here, plus a picture of the Stanley Dock Tobacco Warehouse, which is to be transformed. This is a is a grade II listed building and is the world's largest brick warehouse. I’m guessing it’s the economic downturn that’s been the source of the developers enterprise. What an investment, even if the canal system is not the focus of attention in their plans…

More pictures of this iconic warehouse here, oh & it’s supposed to be haunted - so they’d best have their safety helmets on…

Perhaps this is an example of what businesses can do for the canal side when it comes to making a ~~fortune~~ feature, & bringing in tourism. Do you think if we ask nicely they’ll include refurbishment of a lock or two? Ha…!

PS: The authorities have done a U turn & decided not to dredge the Ribble estuary after all. Apparently the cockle beds are too precious & one of the dredging companies said they wouldn’t do it anyway… However the cocklers have been banned from the area & face a hefty fine for breaking the rules. Which begs the question who’s going to police that…?

So basically the lucrative cockles remain and nobody can get at them anyway, how ironic…

I don’t like cockles anyway…

Writers cramp

2011-11-07T16:55:00.001Z

Despite the gagging order on here, I’ve just sent an email to a man about a dog, which translated means to a marina about a boat called TT…

So I’ll leave you quivering in your ~~boat~~ boots thinking along the lines of “Ohh Noo, please not here” (he he). And on that note I’m off to sort through the myriad of paperwork I’ve printed off, re: The man & his dog, who we’ll be visiting on Sunday, well hopefully, sat nav at the ready…

Which reminds me, said sat nav once took us 200+ miles to a graveyard at the end of an overgrown a dirt track, rather than a friend’s new house nearby. Imagine hearing the words “you have arrived at your destination” sat facing a field full of graves…

Bizarre? Amen to that…

Hotels

2011-11-06T17:01:00.001Z

It must be the time of year or something, just booked ourselves in a hotel for next weekend. We’re going checking out pastures new. It reminds me (roughly) of last year when I booked in a hotel & abandoned ship for very different reasons! I stayed warm for a week while Dave sorted having Cyril the Squirrel installed. Central heating on it’s own just wasn’t enough, even with 6 radiators, I was FREEZING… Critical stuff it was…

At the time there was no pleasing me, I HATED the hotel even though it wasn’t a grotty one in bricks ‘n mortar terms. Needless to say Cyril literally saved our life aboard. Dave wasn’t happy either at the time, he just doesn’t feel the cold as extreme as I do. But thankfully TT has been warm hearted ever since Cyril came into our lives, whatever the weather, rads are just a backup…

Can you feel the heat…?

This is why I can’t say much on the here, not many people know of our plans, family & the marina manager (who’s a friend of ours) come first. Thing is they all read my blog…! But I’ve got to the stage where I don’t care! Even so, dear reader you’re highly privileged. Only our close friends on here know the full details, so I’ve got to leave it that way for now. It’s only fair…

Dreary me, I must sound like some kind of drama queen, we’re positive, yet our plans never go to plan as you’re probably know, but we always find a way round things. It’s just that at the moment I, sorry, we, can’t think of anything else. Our situation is so consuming I’ve lost the ability to write about anything else! How strange, takes a lot that…

PS: Just don’t tell Dave I’ve mentioned ANYTHING…

Crossroads

2011-11-05T19:21:00.001Z

Oh what can I say? Have you ever been at a crossroads in your life? I think perhaps us boaters have all been through the “running towards an alternative lifestyle,” stage. (Smiley). As opposed to “running away” for all the wrong reasons, like some people do when they move house. (Sad)…

Personally we’ve found that some (brick based) friends & relatives thought that’s what it was at first, “running away,” simply because they just didn’t understand. How wrong could they be? We proved that to be incorrect ages ago, & people soon accepted that it wasn’t just a whim, we’re happy…

Basically, if dreams, hopes & desires can be attained, then go for it, after all you’re only here once…

I’m finding it difficult to blog about anything at the moment because we’re focused on yet another crossroads in our life. Again though, it’s about moving on, not running away. Wish I could say more, but for various reasons I can’t ---- yet…

But whichever direction we go in, TT goes with us. This could be a really exciting time for us, then again nothing’s ever eezy. [Well not for us it isn’t]. But we’ll pull it all together somehow, we always do, so:

BANG POP WHIZZ POW

That’s supposed to represent the fireworks by the way…

Dredging the Ribble estuary? The saga continues.

2011-11-03T17:00:00.001Z

And on the Canal News Channel today:

I’ve been following with interest the local story of the cocklers in the Ribble estuary for the past few weeks, during which time rescue services have been called out to save lives 26 times…

So the local fishing authorities have taken action, Richard Benyon MP, (Waterways Minister) is also “on board” with the intention of dredging the Ribble estuary. The water level goes up, & the precious cockles will all be removed in the dredging process. No cockles, no cocklers risking their own lives, & those of others trying to save them, well in this area anyway…

For safety reasons the cocklers have been banned from going into the estuary as from today. So it’s well & truly shut down now! And out-sourcing for dredging companies to do the job is already underway…

Does anyone see a possible ~~Ribble~~ Link here…? It’s crossed my mind that one of the reasons BW recently had to tell the truth & enforce the 2ft draft limit is because they knew what was coming. Therefore they might’ve been in hot water if the powers that be found out how flexible that 2ft limit has been in the past…

Dredging the estuary probably won’t include the navigable channel run by BW, at a guess I’d say it was further inland than the dredgers need to go to stop the cocklers. But, I suspect BW are in the midst of drafting a case to persuade the fishing authorities to include the navigable channel in the dredging area, thereby saving them a fortune & an awful lot of hassle from us pesky boaters.

This is all my own speculation & I could be way off base. But it could well be the reason for the cloak of secrecy & would explain a lot. After all BW has nothing to lose from any proposals they put forward, provided they’ve got their records straight…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On a different note: Even worse than cyclists on the towpath, I heard about this tragic accident today. It happened in September, but I’ve never seen any mention of it anywhere till now. God forbid, I know these trial bikers like an adrenaline rush, but a canal towpath? They may be willing to risk their own life, but they’re also risking the lives of others which should make them stop & think. Perhaps this guy who I caught on camera should learn from this cautionary tale…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And last on the list: Remember “the new marina that never was but might be soon?” Well it won’t be (again) for good this time. The local residents have won what looks like the final round of pitchforks at dawn, by concentrating on nearby Scarisbrick Marina being mostly empty, & the loss of farmland involved. Good on ‘em, there’s too many marinas already…

The pumpkin effect

2011-11-01T15:31:00.001Z

As the sun was going down last night, everything around us took on an eerie orange glow… The timing was quite bizarre really seeing as vast numbers of luminous orange pumpkins were hanging out everywhere, like they do with ref to the date of course…

Fact or fiction…?

Some trees like it more than others…

I know churchy people “aren’t keen on Halloween,” but even the church spire joined in…

Make believe is fun, but this was the real cause. The sun was going down where a large gap in the clouds had cleared on the horizon. With heavy black cloud everywhere else, the rays of the sun hit the edge of the “curtain” & reflected in a spectacular autumnal way…

I’m guessing it’s all about these conditions coming together at the same time, (forget the pumpkins). And the sun isn’t strong enough to light everything up pink like it would in summer…

Even with big skies round here, I’ve only ever seen this happen a couple of times…

Happy Halloween & so say all of us

2011-10-31T16:29:00.001Z

One of the highly important perks of living on a boat is that we won’t get a hundred kids knocking on the side demanding sweets or other goodies tonight. However (what’s new) I have a story…

When we lived in bricks n’ mortar I always felt beholden to get a big bag of treats for the local kids. It wasn’t anything to do with fear of getting tricked because everybody knew each other, & there could be repercussions, so it didn’t happen anyway. It was like each group of kids had their own territory, a bit like milkmen. And of course our own kids had once been part of the merry little group too…

One year I forgot to buy the treats & only realised when I opened the door to be met with ghouls, ghosts, witches & gremlins. Again, going back to the “beholden” word I felt really mean! (What?) So I ended up dropping a load of kit kats & biscuits into their little sack instead. I’d let them down, but they were delighted. This was much better than a boiled sweet or two, or a packet of those fake cigarettes, do you remember them? Banned forever now of course. Love hearts are still going though – saw some in Tesco the other day, brought back some memories from the school yard. No, don’t be naughty, it was all about who was best friends with who or not, of course I always ended up with the “Be my best friend” one because I was such a little cutie pie, har har………..

Got off topic there, back to the local Halloweenies, the next year I put my foot down & we pretended to be out, whilst sat there tittering silently like 2 little kids ourselves, oh the guilt…

The year after we actually were out at a Halloween party, no guilt that time, he he…

Since then we’ve always found ourselves out on the night in question, not doing the trick or treat thing – well I don’t think so, I mean partying. There’s one going on at the pub tonight, so we’ve got a community meal happening here at TT first. Which translated means other folks are cooking stuff on other boats & bringing stuff round on silver platters at 5.30pm. Our contribution is “pigs in blankets,” not literally of course, it’s sausages wrapped in bacon. See there aren’t many real pigs floating about round here, although someone did mention Duck a L’orange…

Anyway, the pub’s done up nice, went round last night, they’ve sprayed cobwebs everywhere & stuck real plastic spiders in them of all shapes & sizes. Very effective, but tell you what, if one of them fell on my head I’d still have to borrow Dave’s shoe to splat it just in case…

The laugh’s on me

2011-10-30T17:14:00.001Z

I’ve noticed recently that I’m beginning to sound like Sybil Fawlty when I laugh. Last night Dave & Mark were having an extremely silly conversation about when Black & White TV’s first appeared on the scene… Amidst the hilarity I learned a few things like:

How you had to switch them on for 5 minutes before you got a picture.
How everybody stood to attention at 10.30pm cut off when God save the Queen was played.
Then it was time for Tescard in various shades of grey.
Then after watching Tescard for a while the screen went black with a white dot in the middle. Quote: “Hang on a minute I was watching that.”
They were the size of a fridge freezer laid on a table with a teensy tiny screen. Quote: “So the back of it was about 8 foot long.”

Now the thing is, I have to be careful when those 2 are wittering, because it has been known that with me as a spectator, they tend to go off on a tangent in a deliberate attempt to make me believe what is in fact a load of crap…

So imagine my surprise last night when all of the above was true, like real. Not the usual situation at all… But, as usual I didn’t believe any of the mind blowing technical facts above… Which only made the situation even funnier, & it takes a lot to beat that. Consequently I ended up at the “couldn’t laugh enough stage” for about 2 hours and sounded a lot like this…

They say a laugh a day keeps the doctor away, well flippin’ hek I woke up this morning with sore ribs --- and a hangover…

PS: Watch it all you’ll LYAO, classic stuff…

Re: Ribble Link restrictions, the sequel

2011-10-29T16:38:00.001+01:00

If BW hasn’t got that sinking feeling yet, then they must be ignoring it very well. Or hiding it very well, or both…

In case you don’t know the story so far: A fellow boater recently discovered that their planned crossing next year had been refused. The reason being that the max draft of a boat crossing the Ribble Link is now (all of a sudden) fixed at 2ft…

The BIG contradiction: According to the Skipper’s Guide this limit hasn’t changed since it opened. So it beggars belief as to why boats have been allowed to cross with much deeper drafts till now. And why BW finally bring their own restriction into force when they’ve ignored it for 10 years…

Somebody mentioned Ruth Moran from North West Waterways wanted to know about boats that have crossed the estuary with deeper than a 2 foot draft & when. So I sent her an email letting her know our boat is a widebeam with a 3 foot draft & we crossed the estuary in 2009 with no problems…

My first email went ignored but I received this reply (fall over backwards) to my second email. Note the incorrect spelling of the highlighted word, which tells us more about BW in general than the rest of the blurb put together:

“Thank you for your e-mail regarding the Ribble Link, it is not the intension of British Waterways to downgrade the Ribble Link.

British Waterways is currently in the process of reviewing the maximum boat dimensions for travel on the Ribble Link. To ascertain this information, our hydrological survey team is undertaking sounding surveys to measure the depth and width of the navigable channel. Specific areas of investigation will be the pinch points, such as Blackpool Road Bridge where we know the dimensions can be vital.

I refer you to the Millennium Ribble Link Skippers Guide which has been in place since the opening of the Ribble Link in 2002 and stipulates that the maximum water draft is 2ft only. We now believe that the draft exceeds this and as such, depending on our findings, we may increase the maximum depth permitted. However, we remain unable to confirm this until the investigations have been completed. Following confirmation of the depth, any craft exceeding the revised maximum dimension provided by British Waterways will not be permitted to travel on the link.

British Waterways has no intention of closing the Ribble Link as a result of this investigation. Our aim is to ensure that all passages are done so in the safest possible way. We do appreciate that the current published dimensions do not represent the actual water depth and this is why we have instructed the investigation works. However, once we have ascertained the definitive dimensions, we plan to ensure that no boats which exceed this limit are put at risk.

If I can be of further assistance please do not hesitate to contact me.”

Regards

Ruth

When I read this email it rang a bell, it’s the exact same one she sent to Odette, see this post to compare. Thing is, an automated email reply to different enquiries only raises even more questions than it answers, such as:

Where’s the location of the problems. Is it just about the link to the Lancaster or the whole estuary?
Is this why boats are being prevented from going to Preston Dock? Or are there other reasons for that?
Is it true that the 2ft limit means there’s no requirement to dredge the area?

But this is an automated email – they can’t get involved with the bothersome boaters for gods sake, except to keep a shrouded veil. No direct answers to direct questions. So I’m not “going to the press” anymore, it isn’t worth the effort…

Talk about banging your head against a ~~sandbank~~ brick wall, I might’ve given up, but it will be interesting to see what transpires. The truth will out ‘n all that…

Why any narrowboat over 57ft needs a bow thruster

2011-10-28T16:22:00.001+01:00

Traditionalists may scoff at those of us widebeam or narrowbeam boaters with bow thrusters. We may even be accused of not being able to drive a boat without one which isn’t true, except perhaps for a small minority. But it could be said that there’s also a minority of boaters without a bow thruster who can’t drive a boat anyway…

A while ago I did this post about the SAFETY aspect of having a bow thruster, which nobody in their right mind can dispute. We’ve all seen experienced boaters without one pinned to the towpath, or sideways on across a canal…

And here’s a classic example of why having more control over safety is so important. No offence to Continuous Cruisers, but this is an ex Continuous Cruiser trying to turn his boat round this morning in a slight breeze. It took him an hour of dangerous, precarious perseverance whilst desperately trying to avoid the boats on our pier…

Spot the boat side on…

Bit too close for comfort…

Front end coming round totally out of control, the boat next door to us on the left got lucky…

Tell you what if he’d clattered our bow here he’d have got one helluva mouthful…

Front end missed by a few inches…

Then moments later we noticed this Land Rover on the little road behind us being towed away. Front right wheel hanging sideways on…!

They say everything comes in three’s, so we’ll both be turning round slowly for the rest of the day, no sudden moves allowed…

Popcorn causes panic

2011-10-27T19:44:00.001+01:00

So we were sat watching David Attenborough’s “Frozen Planet” last night & we got an urgent phone call. It was Mark the Spark wanting to use our microwave to do some popcorn…

This is nothing new, our microwave has been shared before & last time he left the boat stinking of weird smelling potatoes. It was a genteel aroma, a bit like smelly socks mixed with rotten eggs. He did warn us in advance that they pong a bit while they’re being zapped, but how could we refuse a friend in need…?

Anyway he appeared with something that looked like a large envelope made out of tinfoil – fascinating. For a moment there we thought it was a lie & we’d have to do the smelly potato thing again. But not to worry, this was the end result…

The background story: There is a microwave somewhere on his boat, but it hasn’t been located since he last had a clean up & stashed it out of sight. I know not why, & it’s best not to ask…

So there was only me & Tilly sat watching Frozen Planet while them 2 were farting about, & just at the exact moment the killer whale jumped out of the water next to the cameraman, the popcorn started exploding as it whirred round in circles…

As a result of this traumatic timing I nearly jumped up on the ceiling while Tilly nearly dropped to the floor….

I hate popcorn…

Are yours drooping too?

2011-10-25T17:30:00.001+01:00

Well I can’t write too much today because I need to preserve the brain cell for the pub quiz, & it isn’t eezy at the best of times, oh & it doesn’t work at the best of times either…

So I just thought I’d show you my potty plant garden down the side of the boat, then you can see how they’re bearing up under the strain of October weather. Or not as the case may be. I can’t make my mind up whether half of them are ready for the compost heap yet – it’s definitely borderline (excuse pun).

As of today’s date this is how Lobelia has fared…

And another one, both looking a bit ~~battered~~ battle scarred now…

Then there’s a begonia, well I think it is, 10 out of 10 for perseverance…

And then there’s my Christmas tree, never dropped a needle all year, all ripe & ready for Christmas which will be upon us in no time. It already is in Tesco…

See you can always rely on me to cheer you up. And on another cheery note I heard someone say earlier that this time of year is when the number of people having heart attacks rises considerably… Blame the weather – I did, in fact the weather has a lot to answer for…

Are we on or off?

2011-10-24T20:42:00.001+01:00

I sat out in the lux con this afternoon trying to emulate summer – it didn’t work. Dave lit the fire & opened one of the back doors – but it still didn’t work. I don’t have to be sat out back to get a good signal online or anything. I just like being out here when writing, & sorta resent the fact that I soon won’t be able to do so without turning into an ice sculpture…

Having just praised the marina Wi-Fi, (6 bars even inside the boat) there’s something really weird going on. Bang on the dot of 5pm every day links don’t work, we’ve all got the same thing over the past few weeks. Clicking on a link in IE (or from anywhere else for that matter) brings up a blank page – no error message, the URL at the top is correct, just nothing. Checkout the connection & it’s still sat there on 6 bars telling lies. We’ve done scans for viruses on our computers – all clean. How weird is that? And no-one at the office seems concerned. It’s 6.30pm here now & sure enough it kicked in, or “unlinked” at 5pm, to the millisecond as usual…

Will this post upload? Yes

Will I be able to visit it afterwards? Yes, perhaps

Will I be able to click on a link if any webpage loads? Nope

Gremlins in the system? Yes

So that’s Letsgowifi that’s supposed to supply & maintain the marina Wi-Fi, but it’s Lettingusdown & the “About us” page on the website tells us:

“WiFi Solutions UK Ltd have over 20 years experience in the computing industry combined with the latest qualifications in Wireless Networks and Internet Security. Based in the Ormskirk area we provide public wireless infrastructures to a number of venues around the UK.

We're passionate about providing customer satisfaction and on-going assistance, having extensive experience in both the public and private sectors we are confident we can fulfil your needs.

We will be delighted to talk with you in more detail - please do not hesitate to contact us for advice or to answer any questions you may have.”

Sorry I’m stifling a titter here, considering 2 of us have rung up several times, this was my own personal experience:

Letsgowifi contact #1 openly admits to me she knows nothing about the technical side & she hasn’t got time anyway. (Poor dear)….
Contact #1 gives me a contact #2 phone number to ring at my own cost. (Again). Contact #2 tells me I’m talking to the wrong person, turns out he knows nothing about the tech side either. But “John the engineer will be back later & he’ll ring you back…”
After waiting all afternoon Heather rings back contact #2, apparently “John the engineer” had just walked through the door & #2 passes phone to #3 John the engineer. Half an hour later I get off the phone after listening to excuse after excuse & being told it’s not their fault…

Talk about being passed from pillar to post, that was 2 weeks ago. And the irony is? They’re based in Burscough just 3 miles away down the A59…

Total time spent on phone at my own cost & getting nowhere: About an hour. And we’ve worked out we’re losing out on a full day per week for the same price as before…

The irony is, there’s 2 of us here with 30 years experience of computer nerdiness each. I didn’t like to say that’s 60 years of nerdiness in total, because it sounds like we’re going back to the days of the abacus. And we got fobbed off anyway…

So basically we’re paying £15 per month for Wi-Fi that dies at 5pm then comes back farting & spluttering after about 7.30pm at the earliest. Basically it’s still struggling (as are we)…

“Passionate about providing customer satisfaction & on-going assistance” my ass…

Over & Out…

Can somebody tell me why I took these photos?

2011-10-23T16:36:00.001+01:00

Because after having sifted through photos (code for archived some) this aft. I can’t for the life of me think why I took this beautiful photo of what looks like a flowering nettle with a serious leaf shortage…

Or this fetching photo of a fence in need of TLC…?

I’ve got lots more like this but I won’t make a big deal about it. There’s even some mystery photos I could ask for input about as well. But for now the burning question for me personally is WHY…?

Gotta go, we’ve got guests for tea aboard TT, on second thoughts they can’t really be called guests because it’s Mark the Spark & Tilly Mintdrop, & they practically live here anyway…

Going to the press

2011-10-22T22:09:00.001+01:00

The Ribble Link has a problem which means it could soon be renamed “the Ribble that doesn’t Link anymore.”

This is part of an interesting discussion on Waterscape at the moment. When Mimi A tried to book a crossing of the Ribble Link for next year, she received the following email from British Waterways:

“Thank you for your 2012 application for passage on the Ribble Link.
British Waterways is currently in the process of reviewing the maximum boat dimensions for travel on the Ribble Link.
Our teams are undertaking sounding surveys to measure the depth of the water to ascertain this information. Depending on our findings, we may increase the maximum depth permitted which is currently 2ft. However, it is highly unlikely that this will increase to above 2ft 6in. Following confirmation of the depth, any craft exceeding the revised maximum dimension provided by British Waterways will not be permitted to travel on the link.
I am aware that in years past a number of craft exceeding the recommended maximum dimensions have been confirmed by British Waterways to travel on the Ribble Link. However, we are keen to take a consistent approach to all customers as we move forward towards charitable status.
With a draught that exceeds 2ft/ 2ft 6ins, you are at greater risk of getting into difficulty. British Waterways will be not be in a position to provide assistance in these circumstances and as such, will not be confirming passage for any boats outside the fixed maximum dimensions in the future.
I appreciate that this may not be the outcome that you had hoped for. Please do not hesitate to contact me should you have any questions regarding the above.”

This effectively banned her from doing the crossing because her boat exceeds the maximum draft permitted. Upon investigation, Odette from Waterscape contacted the Ribble Link team directly & got this reply:

“British Waterways is currently in the process of reviewing the maximum boat dimensions for travel on the Ribble Link. To ascertain this information, our hydrological survey team is undertaking sounding surveys to measure the depth and width of the navigable channel. Specific areas of investigation will be the pinch points, such as Blackpool Road Bridge where we know the dimensions can be vital.
I refer you to the Millennium Ribble Link Skippers Guide which has been in place since the opening of the Ribble Link in 2002 and stipulates that the maximum water draft is 2ft only. We now believe that the draft exceeds this and as such, depending on our findings, we may increase the maximum depth permitted. However, we remain unable to confirm this until the investigations have been completed. Following confirmation of the depth, any craft exceeding the revised maximum dimension provided by British Waterways will not be permitted to travel on the link.
British Waterways has no intention of closing the Ribble Link as a result of this investigation. Our aim is to ensure that all passages are done so in the safest possible way. We do appreciate that the current published dimensions do not represent the actual water depth and this is why we have instructed the investigation works. However, once we have ascertained the definitive dimensions, we plan to ensure that no boats which exceed this limit are put at risk.”

So just a decade after the link first opened, it’s already fallen into the bottomless pit (excuse pun), of not enough funding. In this case it’s all about the urgent need to be dredged, it’s not happening, so as usual the boater suffers…

I discovered today that Gloucester Docks also has a similar problem with lack of dredging affecting the Tall ships. It’s now so dangerous, the Tall Ships Festival may end up being a small boats festival because BW’s commitment to dredging isn’t being maintained…

So what does BW do instead? They’ve introduced a downgrading to a shallower cruising standard. This is a major concern because in future the Government will be able to take affordability into account when considering “downgrading” requests. This leaves the new Charitable Trust in deep water & underfunded before it’s begun…

Note: “Downgrading” refers to imposing limits on what depth of draft can cruise what was once a navigable waterway to all, because it’s now silted up. Hence boats with deeper drafts are excluded from the area altogether. Let’s not forget BW wouldn’t want a lawsuit because they haven’t dredged an area that should be, & god forbid there was an accident…

The good news for Gloucester Docks is that “The Gloucester Citizen” has launched a campaign for dredging to continue, hope it works…

Many of us have tried highlighting problems on blogs & on the web, but the BW top nobs haven’t listened to a word & they all seem to have gone into hiding. I suspect most of us have come to the conclusion that the written word approach is a waste of time now. But there are other options such as publicising problems in local newspapers & taking action along with others to improve things. It’s not just the boating community who need to know about things like this…

So forget “The power of blogs” the next phase needs to be about “The power of publicity” and garnering support for positive action from that. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I have a direct message for BW top bods:

You will not be listened to with regards to any steps taken to put things right by us. And we will spread the word about our efforts thereby uncovering your failings (that’s our bonus) to a much wider audience however long it takes…

I’ve noticed discussions about the future of the system between boaters the length & breadth of the country are very effective on a couple of ~~Farcebook~~ Facebook Groups. Brainstorming goodstyle, initial anger about the decline of the canal system & directors pay, going back months, is now slowly morphing into positive ideas about ACTION…

Waterscape Official is here
Boaters R Us is here

And being as the start of it is just 4 miles from here, I’ll be writing to the Lancashire Evening Post re: The Ribble that doesn’t Link anymore…

Well it was accidental

2011-10-21T17:47:00.001+01:00

This morning Tilly Mintdrop was aboard TT & we had a little accident, no she didn’t pee on the floor – which has happened in the past. She was having a mad run around in the lux con & knocked over the bag with the kindling in it. Unfortunately there was also a fair bit of sawdust which flung itself all over my best carpet out there – ok then, it’s a coal coloured rug. Yes, we have a luxury conservatory with a ~~Persian~~ Pretty awful carpet effect going on out there…

Poor little dot she was gutted, knew it was naughty & was waiting for a telling off which never arrived except for “Tilly, you know you’ve not to go on the table” which is what she fell off. So later on we got the hoover out & I stood back whilst Dave did the honours…

He got a bit carried away with it all & even managed to find a MASSIVE spider in the corner. I didn’t get chance to do a photo shoot because it went Shlurp into the hoover on sight. I wasn’t convinced it was dead with all that body armour, so later on Dave went out on the jetty & emptied the spinny thing into a Tesco bag. As he was banging the filter on the side, Tilly came running out all in a ~~Tizzy~~ Tizz. Dave told Mark the Spark the story about hoovering up the mess & finding a tarantula so he was just checking it was dead. They both looked in the bag & there it was alive & kicking, ugh… So it got plucked & chucked in the water quick smart…

What a relief, I’d have been in arachnophobia dreamland if they hadn’t disposed of it. I mean what if it climbed up the hose & then up yer nose…?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On a different note somebody nicked the marina’s industrial power washer last night. The local yokel police force attended the crime scene, but after careful forensic tests no arrests were made. Must be the biggest crime scene in these ‘ere parts for ages…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question: Are any of your fire alarms as sensitive as ours? One of them goes off whenever we have a fry up – LIKE NOW………

HUNTAPAC? Hunt ‘em down!

2011-10-19T20:23:00.001+01:00

Here’s the M6 motorway going over the canal at Appley Bridge on the Leeds Liverpool…

[Taken from the top of Parbold Hill]

Then there’s the other side of Parbold Hill…

[Taken from the marina]

Then there’s a HUNTAPAC lorry speeding past us down the narrow country road just beyond the boundary of the marina landscaping. Fortunately we don’t see any cars from here, but we can’t miss this…

So what’s the connection? I’ll try to articulate this well, these wagons come off the motorway & take a dangerous “shortcut” to the A59 by going round & down Parbold hill, towards us & past the marina. Of course it works both ways, they use this road to get to the motorway as well…

But the thing is, it’s a “B” road all the way & in many places only one car wide. There’s also a narrow bridge with a 90 degree “blind bend” to deal with. How on earth they manoeuvre those wagons round it I don’t know. They must smash into it on a regular basis, because the council had to practically rebuild it last year due to damage. We can’t understand why they don’t class it as a weak bridge (it looks like one) & ban the big boys altogether. Ahh, it was bliss here while the road was closed, the peace was deafening for 6 weeks…

There is a straightforward route to the motorway via main roads which would be much safer, but it takes longer. So that’s the reason they use this road, because it certainly can’t be simplicity. This is a rare case of “elf & safety” checks being required if ever there was one…

Back in the here & now, what makes it worse (for us) is that the road surface isn’t exactly smooth as silk. So they don’t half make a right royal racket bouncing off the potholes as they go rattling past. And there seems to be more of the darn things every week – that’s both wagons & potholes…

As for me, as you can probably tell, I’m getting a bit fed up of it, after all we came here for Peace & Quiet. Which it would be without HUNTAPAC wagons multiplying forth on a route they shouldn’t be taking…

Over & Out Rubber Duck… (Quack)

Sat out back thinking out loud (god forbid)

2011-10-18T18:36:00.001+01:00

So there I found myself this morning sat outside in the lux con eating my breakfast, whilst wondering just how much longer I’ll be able to do this without turning into a human icicle…

After the bran flakes had been munched I sat back & listened to the wind blowing through the trees whilst looking forward to the freezing cold winter. Re-phrase: I sat forward & looked back at what now seems like a very warm summer. But wasn’t. Even so, the latter sounds much more appealing to ponder over, but makes no difference whatsoever as to where we’re at now, & what’s to come…

Who’s a jolly old soul today then…?

Anyway, looking forward even further to next year, us canal boaters also have an unknown entity to contend with called the “Canal & River Trust.” (Trust being the operative word?). We’ve seen the logo, but what will the real picture be? We can only be patient & wait & see. (And it rhymes). In relation to that, some of us have come to the conclusion that the many blog posts we’ve all written & illustrated with photos, which highlight problems on the waterways - are a waste of time…

In my opinion the hope that we all shared was that someone on high would sit up & take notice - that we would be listened to when we spoke out about the reality of the situation, & the corruption of management… Unfortunately our efforts have gone totally ignored by any of the top bods. Which leaves us to believe we have no power or influence whatsoever…

Even the online E-petition about directors pay was a failure, these petitions only even get glanced at if they’ve got 100,000 plus signatures, & that one didn’t even get a thousand. To be fair we never worked out who set it up, but with over 100,000 people visiting the canal system every year, their signatures too would have made sure it was looked at. So in hindsight what we needed was structure & publicity, if we all got together about this, maybe we’d have a voice. Sad thing is though, I’ve discovered there’s too many boaters themselves who aren’t interested or just don’t want to know. When I’ve tried to explain to fellow boaters outside of the online community, I’ve been met with disbelief & even been made to feel like I’ve said something just for a “reaction.” That’s not me, so I’ve stopped…

Personally my passion for the canal system has not changed, but all our attempts to bring to light our concerns & be listened to have failed. However it’s not all bad, we can change our approach. There must be an alternative plan of action somewhere, what we have to do is find one – together. After all, a good plan would have more chance of succeeding than the new Trust has, & what have we got to lose…?

Anyway, if you’re on Farcebook, Steve’s set up a group here in the hope that we can come up with some positive ideas between us. Boaters r us might sound like a DIY store, then again I guess any action would all be DIY, so it’s quite apt really…

As for me, well I won’t give up trying to convert the unconvertable, we all need to do the same…

On a brighter note, I predict next summer will be a scorcher, lasting from spring to autumn, oops, that means no water so perhaps not…

More classic gongoozler talk

2011-10-16T17:37:00.001+01:00

And today’s winner is:

“OOO look, it’s got a TravelSat on the roof – that means it’ll work just the same as it does in a house.”

[Heather thinks to herself: Everything works just the same as it does in a house you daft b&%%£r]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After hearing that one earlier, I realised that if I gathered all the classic gongoozler talk I’ve ever witnessed in one place, I could probably write yet another cultural best seller. My last one was called “How to make enemies & alienate people,” the politicians loved it…

Anyway, seeing as I couldn’t be bothered to write another book, here’s a selection of classic snippets to tickle your fancy with. First on the list:

“See that one’s wider than the others, gives them a bit more room inside, must be about 8 foot wide that.”

[Heather thinks to herself: Well if we did Disney Tours for strangers, which we don’t, you’d be gobsmacked]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And then there’s the old chestnut that must be preserved for posterity:

“Oh look, it’s even got a cooker!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Next on the list there’s the “fountain of knowledge” sharing all to the dry riverbed:

FOK: “Well now you see that’s a narrowboat there.” (Points finger).

DR: “What, you mean like a barge?”

FOK: “No it’s called a narrowboat, look, there’s another one – but you can’t live on one of those.”

DR: “Oh”

FOK: “This one here is what’s called a widebeam.”

DR: “Oh”

FOK: “They’re the only one’s people can live on.”

DR: “Oh”

[Heather thinks to herself: Duh]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Then there’s the one where 2 people suddenly realise that some boats are wider than others, ie; they noticed ours takes up 2 moorings…

Woman: “Well look at that one, it’s bigger than the others & it’s taking up 2 spaces.”

Man: “And there’s no room for another one down the side is there?” (He checks it out) “Nay there isn’t.”

Woman: “Well that’s not very fair is it?”

[Heather sits here silently seething]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Then there’s the classic “foreigner” conversation:

Person with foreign accent: “Can a boat like this one get down to London then?”

English companion who wants to sound intelligent but doesn’t have a clue: “Well yes they can do, but they can’t because they’ve got to think about the wildlife.”

Person with foreign accent: “Ah, I see.”

[All I can say is that someone’s shoulders hidden from view were doing a spin drier impersonation]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And finally, a direct question while going through a lock:

“Have you forgotten to close the thingy over there, because there’s water leaking through the middle of the gates.”

[Wry smile]

Bye Bye Tilly, Hello Hoover

2011-10-15T17:05:00.001+01:00

Yes, Mark the Spark arrived this aft to collect Til & take her home – all of 3 boats away…

First of all we gathered together her many toys in a Tesco bag - several times, because she kept un-gathering them & scattering squeaky teddy bears everywhere again…

It’s already been blogged that this little puppy is capable of filling at least half a widebeam with methane gas - in her sleep too. So please excuse the repeat info (and it did repeat, believe me). But after careful thought, I’ve discovered there’s a second dimension to this breaking fart news. I mean it’s one helluva talent to be able to let off silent but deadly farts in dreamland & remain totally oblivious to it, whilst leaving the rest of us in the immediate area requiring an oxygen tent to stay alive…

Anyway, getting back to the heading of this post, I have to ask myself just how many little hairs can make up such a little puppy? They were EVERYWHERE… Hence the MASSIVE clean up op…

But, there were complications even then, Dave had to do all the Hoovering because having a cold & a cough makes me immune to any boat work whatsoever. Especially when it was kindly donated to me from himself…

Anyway, he did a great job, yet even so, little white hairs have been located in some rather strange places since then. For example, a bag of potatoes, & I won’t even mention my laptop… Well actually I have to, because whilst the clean up op was underway, Dave accidentally dropped my laptop on the floor… I was all ready to issue a lawsuit except it’s still working & all the dog hairs in it got jolted upwards onto the screen, making them extremely simple to extract…

Tip of the day: If ever you’ve got shit in your keys, such as dog hairs, biscuit crumbs, dead flies, simply hold laptop upside down at about waist height, let go & there ya have it, a clean laptop – even if it’s f*cked…

And finally, check out that left ear ear, (well it’s her right one), it’s permanently like that – I mean ~~loopy~~ droopy…

So Dave reckons he’s going to superglue a lollipop stick to the back of it… I mean you can try holding it upright for a while, but it still insists on flopping back down to where it was before…

Oh & I also taught her how to “KISS” while she was here, ahhh, so for all the mess, we love her, & she loves us, that’s all that counts…

Oh, go on lap that up…

New electricity pylons unveiled

2011-10-14T17:36:00.001+01:00

Which is great news for us country bumpkins considering it’s all about tarting up the countryside. These things are going to roll out & replace the original ugly pylons that go back to the 1920’s. Very nice indeed, wonderful, I mean they’ve gone from upside down “V” shape or even “A” shape to the extremely appealing new “T” shape & it’s taken just 91 years…

But what they seem to have overlooked is those of us still stuck in the dark ages with “I” shaped telegraph poles…?

Example (proper rural) “I” shaped telegraph pole below, in fact it’s the one that blew up in July…

Thing is, if they made our local tree trunk telegraph poles any smaller & painted them white, they’d stand about 5 foot tall – not a good idea really. (Why not paint them green anyway?)

So if it’s all about letters of the alphabet, may I suggest they replace our ancient telegraph poles with “Z” shaped structures, stick the pole at the top bit of the “Z” and no-one’s going to TRIP over it…

If this sounds like an April Fool joke in October, then you may well be right…

The new Eco Fan arrives at last

2011-10-13T19:14:00.001+01:00

Well, at long last the darn thing’s installed…

So here we have said Eco Fan in it’s resting place (?), well where it belongs anyway. The blades do actually turn in real life, I mean it’s not fake or anything. It was just taking a break this afternoon because the sun was out, & so was the stove…

Spot the Eco Fan in this photo…

Aha, there it is, a big bugger at a foot tall – needs to be for a widebeam too…

Three blades is better than two so they say, well after already giving someone else’s Eco Fan (with 2 blades) a test drive. I have to agree, it’s not a patch on this. The bedroom always used to be a noticeable degree or 2 cooler – not anymore… Woo Hoo…!

Well I must go, Tilly Mintdrop is VWB [TLA = Very Well Behaved] but it’s time to go for a poo, & it’s my turn to do the honours…

Edit thanks to Nev’s comment: The word “honours” refers to me going out in the dark so Tilly can have a poo, not me. There, clarity clarified, I hope…

The phrase “shit hits the fan” comes to mind, even though it isn’t particularly appropriate…

British Waterways & what they’re up to now

2011-10-12T21:00:00.001+01:00

Or not as the case may be, oh & it’s called “The Canal & River Trust” this week, apparently the unofficial “New Waterways Charity” (from a couple of weeks ago) was too vague…

Perhaps the word “Trust” refers to the BW directors pension fund. Then again it might just be a feeble effort to feed a psychological thread of hope & renewed confidence to us bothersome boaters…

Note: This post is on behalf of me mate Jon who comments on Waterscape ~~Unofficial~~ Official. He’s asked me to blog a collection of links to BW misdemeanours, blunders & gaffs to highlight the facts & maybe what we can do to take action, so here we go:

Back in 2009, the “vision for 2012” sounded too good to be true (except for the people who actually do any work). And it’s still a blind vision now, (2 months & counting).
David Bruce, President of the Kennet & Avon Canal Trust, refers to the financial mismanagement of BW, as quote “They cannot even organise a piss-up in a brewery.” [Sept 2011]
BW Chairman Tony Hales reply. [Oct 2011]
Allan Richards reply to Tony Hales request for a meeting. [Oct 2011]
Allan Richards made this Freedom of Information request to British Waterways Board. There is a reply of sorts which makes no sense whatsoever from a “Sarina Young Customer Service Co-Ordinator.” [Sept 2011]

So if you’re interested in preventing the fraudulent actions of BW management please sign the petition here.

And there’s also this one to create a Charity Ombudsman which sounds like a good idea even if nothing comes of it.

Meanwhile the fat cats remain, while the canals go down the drain, they’ve had plenty of time to sort this out already, and haven’t, even though they saw it coming…

And for those who say this is all negative, the only answer seems to be to get shut of Robbing Evans & co. If that doesn’t happen then we’ll have to rename the the new charity status to just “The Canal & River” forget the word TRUST, seems a bit ironic…

When NOT to light a match aboard your boat

2011-10-11T23:15:00.001+01:00

Last night the 3 of us snuggled down to watch TV together:

Here’s 2 of us…

And this makes 3…

Alas, as the wind was a’ blowing outside the boat, a different kind of wind was a’ blowing inside. I mean how can such a little puppy create SO MUCH GAS while flat out asleep…? The silent (but deadly) farts popped out at intervals of about 20 minutes, eventually the whole boat stunk with the subtle aroma of methane gas. I swear If we’d lit a candle to create an atmosphere of serenity, the whole boat could’ve blasted off into the night sky like a rocket…

Meanwhile I required a gas mask while Dave didn’t even notice because he’s all bunged up with a cold, quote: “It’s alright for me I’m immune because I can’t smell a thing.” It was so overpowering (for me anyway) we opened the back doors, & even the luxury conserveratoree smelled like someone had just let off a stink bomb. Unbelievable…

Then while I was sat out back trying to breathe & Dave sat there trying to breathe for a different reason, she sneakily took over possession of the settee.

And this is what we found when we came back in. Yes the arrangement with the cushions was all her own doing, I’m sure she knew, even though no-one said anything…

Then later on playing hide & seek in her little bed, note how her red blanket colour co-ordinates nicely with the throw cover on the settee…

So nighty night & {hugs} says me with a peg on my nose – while madam remained aloof…

There’s 3 of us aboard this boat now, & no I haven’t given birth

2011-10-10T19:06:00.001+01:00

We’re babysitting Tilly for the next 5 days…

And right now she’s refusing to eat her tea because she knows we’ve got sausages in the oven. So what with that & other things we’ve sorta come to the conclusion she’s definitely more intelligent than both of us put together…

Here she is helping Uncle Dave light up the stove…

And this is what’s called finding a friendly human to sit on while messin’ about playin’ silly beggars…

Bless,, oh alright then - both of them…

Danger on the towpath, again perhaps?

2011-10-09T18:26:00.001+01:00

I know this is a tragic story so I want you to be respectful & courteous whilst reading about it, else I’ll have to come round & tan thee backside…

Sincere condolences to the family, but I’ve always thought cyclists on the towpath can be a danger to themselves & others. Even so, nobody deserves to lose their life because of that, tragic but true. The towpath is just “too busy” to take chances these days. Even if there’s no-one else around & all is quiet - as it appears to be in this case. Many towpaths are in such a terrible state, it’s far too easy to fall off a bike…

Considering Cath liked “Outdoor activities like cycling and walking and she loved circuit training and fitness boot camps.” It leads one to suspect (allegedly) she was on a mountain bike with several gears. If she wasn’t going fast, & it’s all down to a pothole or 2 whilst going slowly, then that’s even worse, because it highlights yet another dangerous aspect for any biker. However that’s all speculation…

So seeing as detectives are doing an investigation & they haven’t got a path to follow, I have a theory that might help them to establish the cause…

It’s entirely possible (allegedly) that a dog was off it’s lead, (another common towpath danger) while the owner was ambling along 200 yards in front without a care in the world. Hence the dog ploughed into the bike, or the cyclist tried to avoid it. The accident happened, & there was no-one about to help or be a witness. (Allegedly), the dog owner didn’t have said doggy under control - couldn’t see what happened anyway, & doggy isn’t going to say a word…

Well, like I said it’s a theory, Mr Detective could set up a hidden police issue CCTV cam in the area, then watch & wait for any suspect doggy’s off a lead. But then again that might not be the case at all…

Hopefully this sad event will make those who have a choice of where to cycle think about somewhere other than a canal towpath. The word “choice” is important there because some boaters rely on using their bikes for practical reasons…

The Big Fishtec Magazine clearance sale:

2011-10-08T16:36:00.001+01:00

First of all may I emphasise that Dave doesn’t subscribe to this magazine, it just sort of plopped through the letterbox one day & it has done ever since on a quarterly basis. Tell you what, it’s good for a laugh though – well for me it is…

MASSIVE CLEARANCE SALE: “Get this outsize carp, a very fetching hat, a pair of cool dude sunglasses, a rather painful looking gadget, & a pair of party boots delivered to your door free of charge…”

And then there’s these adapted jet skis…

Fishtec clearance sale prices for the items above range from £400 to £650 however the FC-Waverunner (bottom right - next door to the armchair with headlights version) goes for a RRP of £1000. And the hi- tech armchair itself has a RRP of £700. Impressive eh?

Top specs include:

Twin independent hoppers with patented hopper release system
Range: 500m – 1000m (depending on environment conditions)
10 ultra high intensity LED’s
Tri-coloured battery meter
Remote lighting control
2 hours running time at max speed
3 kg bait capacity

But what the hell is it exactly? Well the official name is “Angling Technics Bait Boats.” So basically it does the same job as lobbing ground bait into water using an arm & a hand, or even a sophisticated catapult. No wonder they’re selling them off…

Great toy though, it might even be much more exciting farting about with a remote & mini speedboat than the art of fishing itself…

But I can see 3 big disadvantages:

Portability - it doesn’t work on land, so how on earth do you get it to your fishing spot? I mean fishermen these days even have the equivalent of golf carts for all their tackle. Imagine having one of those strapped to your shoulder as well…
Ooops, I forgot the remote…
All setup nicely, it’s out their firing ground bait shit balls left right & centre, & the batteries run out…

It’s the little things that really wind me up

2011-10-06T20:55:00.001+01:00

But may I stress this only happens when several things conspire together deliberately to annoy…

Take today for example, we had a few simple errands to run:

Drop boots off at cobblers for re-heeling, shop shut, what a load of cobblers…
Go to chemist to pick up prescription, their blurb? “Phone your repeat prescription here in advance & we’ll have it ready & waiting when you come to collect.” Well it wasn’t ready. And after 25 mins sat waiting patiently whilst the pharmacist talked about a seminar on Tenna Lady she’d had to attend. I was then politely informed they hadn’t ordered enough. So basically, not only was my script not waiting for me, it wasn’t all there to collect anyway…
Go to Tesco Trauma “Phone Shop,” to get phone set up properly for insurance purposes, (already tried & failed),

There’s a story to that one, like there always is where I’m concerned. Originally, at the time of purchase, the TESCO PHONE SHOP ASSISTANT set the TESCO INSURANCE up for me, fair enough. But there’s “free extras” that you have to setup yourself via the phone (itself) a couple of days later. For example a code to “lock it down” if it gets stolen, & a tracking facility. That’s so they can find it at the bottom of the canal when I’ve dropped it in - & told them someone’s nicked it…

Meanwhile back in the TESCO PHONE SHOP it turns out the TESCO PHONE SHOP ASSISTANT got my email address wrong from the day I signed the contract. There is no such email address. So it was originally registered with one that doesn’t exist. (Marvellous)…

However today’s TESCO PHONE SHOP ASSISTANT attempted to set up the TESCO “extras” for me. First of all she amended my email address. (Getting somewhere?) Then she tried doing part 2 of the procedure via their phone in the shop - & found out it’s not possible. She was also told by the operator not to bother testing her miniscule skills online because the “system is down.” Well I’m guessing it wasn’t literal, I mean the “miniscule skills” bit, but that’s what I was secretly thinking…

Credit where it’s due, today’s TESCO PHONE SHOP ASSISTANT carried on regardless, & the online system seemed to be working despite their rubbish website. (Whoop de doo!). Then she discovered it has to be done online via the phone itself, not on a computer in a sales room [with an assistant who hasn’t got a clue], a website that’s out of action, & a customer that’s frazzled to the point of self combustion…

After all these failings came the icing on the cake…

Me: “Right, well can we set it up on the phone itself here & now then?” (Not too much to ask seeing as apologies where forthcoming in droves).

Answer: “I’m really really sorry but this is a dead zone – no phones will work in here.” (Disbelief). Neither do sales assistants & computers one thinks to oneself silently. In simple terms, “The Tesco Phone Shop” that sells mobile phones / smart phones of every size & shape can’t even get a phone signal. Believe me, I tested it out & she was right about that if nothing else…

Please note: Tesco Phone Shop & Tesco Phone Shop Assistant are married by CAPS in this post due to the fact that one should know what the other’s doing & vice versa – but it doesn’t seem to work that way, or even any way at all…

So in summary we arrived back at the boat with:

A pair of boots that still has trashed heels
A prescription not fully prescribed
A phone that’s still not fully insured

Oh & I forgot to get any cash back to pay for the new heels on the boots, that’s the ones that aren’t stuck on yet, but might be by tomorrow. I was trying to cover all bases, because I suspect the boot shop doesn’t have a card machine – well not one that works properly – well not while I’m there…

Alas there’s more: The Vodafone signal here at the boat has dropped down to nothing over the past couple of days, (2 bars if the sun’s out). So I can’t set up what I’m supposed to set up on that darn phone anyway. Also, confusion concerning “how to” set up what I’m supposed to set up may well prevent any technical achievement at all…

And even if it suddenly becomes possible to get a direct line from the heavens - memory loss re; instructions (of which there are NONE) would cause severe interference. I can see myself ending up back at the shop with the dead zone & zombie assistants asking to speak to the toilet cleaner – might get a signal in there…

And, just to add to the digital meltdown the Wi Fi at the marina has never been the same since this happened. Really it’s crap, & even though boaters are unhappy about paying for a crap service, no-one seems to be bothered about getting the tech guys in…

It’s all too LOUD now

2011-10-05T17:36:00.001+01:00

I can ear at last! This afternoon Nurse Nutty Nora - renamed Nurse Nightingale untangled her hosepipe, blasted my ear & all of a sudden I can ear again…! Why? Here…

But, there’s a but, after weeks, nay, months of my left ear not working right due to being bunged up, every sound is amplified in a rather strange way…

Straight after the hosepipe suck ceded, I was told to be aware of my balance as I stood up, fortunately it was ok after one small step for mankind & all that…However as I was walking out of the surgery I could ear the receptionist on the phone, never mind what she was saying, I suddenly discovered I could tune into what the person on the other end was wittering about too…

On the way to the boat the car radio sounded like a boom box & what was mono is now stereo again…

Meanwhile back ear at the boat there’s a bit of a gale going on at the moment, which means:

The noise of the wind ripping through the trees is overpowering
The luxury conservatory flapping about because it’s not strapped up tight enough is deafening
Ducks need a noise pollution / restraining order
People walking down the pier need to wear slippers
The one carriage “slow train to China” in the distance sounds like a set of drums
Andy going round on his 4 wheeler buggy thing cutting the grass sounds like he’s on a tractor with a serious engine problem

Thank god there’s no screaming kids about… What I really need is to be able to tune back into the land of the living slowly, but alas not…

Like I stated on Farcebook earlier, there’s just no pleasing some folks is there…? Dave’s highly constructive advice was to use an ear plug…

Fake double glazing on a boat

2011-10-04T17:01:00.001+01:00

Controversial I know, but as long as you don’t plaster it everywhere, it works best in the odd place without creating condensation. For example, in our particular case, it’s great for using on the front doors, that’s providing your boat’s reverse layout of course. That may sound a bit naive, but read on…

The vents in our front doors are overly MASSIVE which is great in summer, but not so great in winter. I mean get the wind blowing full on the front of the boat & it’s like being in a wind tunnel. Even snuggled up under the duvet - with the temperature hanging around minus 10 degrees outside, I reckon we’d still get wind burn on our faces. And the thought of an all year round tan doesn’t appeal, if it’s only on your face…

So how can you tell that’s been the job of the day? Well the bow looks a bit fuzzy, but read on…

I wouldn’t encourage ANYONE to do this on a narrowboat without lots of ventilation. But even so, I have noticed some narrowboats have solid steal doors at the front with no vents anyway. Others have back doors with no vents, so how does that work on a Boat Safety Certificate?

TT had her first BSC done last year, & we were told there’s more than enough ventilation on here. However, this is the only place we feel the need to use fake double glazing… Also, covering the vents is not something everyone should do, but if you feel the need – use kitchen roll because it’s breathable…

As for me personally, I want a new set of front doors with smaller vents like we’ve seen on other widebeams, but then again that’s on the Christmas wish list for around 2015…